Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Drakon]

Want me to give it a shot?

 

[Drakon]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 19A [Guest Story]
by Drakon

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

*buzz of an alarm clock*

Drakon wakes up with a killer hangover and barely remembers what happened the night before. For some reason, he's wearing lipstick.

"Musta been one hell of a party."

Drak goes into the kitchen, and realizes it's not his.

"Oh yeah, I'm at Malice's. World of Warcraft Lan party last night, and I got too drunk to leave."

*hears the beep of an IM*

Drak looks over and sees it......Malice's computer, left wide open and unguarded.

"Well, Hello, Shirley!"

Drak logs onto Malice's SHH account, and a popup comes up.

*window pops up*
"Malice--you have 154 new private messages! Read them?"

*delete*

Drak then starts to fidget around with various settings in Malice's adminCP. Now Drak has 4,815,162,342 posts. Take that, Dew!

*window pops up*
"Malice--you have a new private message! Read it?"

*clicks yes*

From: FancyFred
Re: Okay, you win

"Okay, Malice. I surrender. You've already hacked into my phone line, my computer, and convinced my parents that I love children in a naughty manner. I concede--you win.

--FancyFred"


*evil grin*

Drak, under Malice's name, replies--

"Fred, I want to apologize. That was very cruel and wrong of me to do that to you. I now see the error of my ways, and wish to put this whole messy situation behind us. Truce?".

Mwhahhahahahaha. Now who's the bastard, Malice?

*toilet flushing in the background and air freshener being sprayed*

Malice: Drak, are you up, buddy?

 

[squeekness]

LOL. Yer funny. I'm really luvin' these.

 

[Green Lantern]

Drak, that was freaking classic man

 

[Malice]

heh, i like...

 

[DOG LIPS]

The D-man strikes again.

 

[Drakon]

Mal, did you want me to do more, or was this just enough to get your juices flowing?

 

[Malice]

I think I found an interesting plot twist for the BMFH
I will write it tonight.

 

[Drakon]

Excellent.

 

[Green Lantern]

Woohoo!

 

[Malice]

Drakon,

I would love to have Guest Spots...
Feel free to throw in another...

 

[Drakon]

Will do, brotha!

 

[Malice]

Writing the next instalment now!

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 20
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006
Malice wakes up and wanders to his laptop waking it from its nightly respite. Heading off to the coffee machine, he sees that it has finished brewing the 'special brew.' Pouring the cup, he wanders off to his laptop and sits down, hitting a shortcut on his Firefox link bar to take him to the forums of SHH.

Typically, the popup says; "You have 34 new messages, would you like to see them now?"

He clicks yes and sees the list of messages.

Immediately he sees a message from Mirko buried in the messages, and decides to deal with that first.
The message simply states, "Please contact me immediately."

Thinking this is a little odd, he calls Mirko.

Malice: Mirko, its Mal, whats up?

Mirko: Hey Mal, I wanted to talk to you about something. As you know, I have been expanding SHH and CS, and I have to cut some costs unfortunately. I have organized a contract with a company in India to take on the day to day technical operations of CS and SHH. Unfortunately, I can no longer afford to have you on my staff. I don't want to, but I have to, the business bottom line demands it.

Malice is stunned and sits in his chair, waiting for the joke to end.

Mirko: I am sorry Mal. I will pay you for another two weeks to get our new technical lead, Prapeed, to speed.

Malice: OK....Are you paying for the phone call cost?

Mirko: Of course.

Malice: I will take care of it. I just want to warn you, I have worked with offshored people, and most are good, just be careful. Sometimes you really get the wrong person.

Mirko: I understand, Pradeep will be calling you. I have to go, but I will be calling you in a few hours, I have a board meeting to attend to.

Malice hangs up the phone simply stunned.....

*** Could this be the end of the BMFH? ***
*** Could we have to deal now with the BOMFH (Bastard Offshored Moderator From Hell)? ***
*** Tune in next time to find out! ***

 

[wiegeabo]

Say it ain't so!!!

 

[Green Lantern]

Can't wait to see your revenge Mal...

 

[wiegeabo]

Can't wait to see your revenge Mal...

"Mal means "bad", in the old English..."

- Firefly

 

[Malice]

Is this the end?

Check out tomorrow! Same Mal Time, Same Mal Thread!

 

[bored]

How would Prapeed say "Malice"?

 

[Malice]

I am almost done with the next episode.
Just a few more hours at most.

 

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 21
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006 - Later the same day...
Pradeep: Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?

Malice: Pradeep, I am Malice, the poor bastard who is loosing his job because your third world country finally dropped its abacus and figured out how to use a Dial-Up Modem. Dont be pleasent to me, I am not a nice guy. Lets get this straight. Your ass will belong to me for the next week. You understand that?

Pradeep: Very Valice. Please let me tell you how sorry I am feeling for you.

*Malice thinks to himself, damn, this could be fun....*
*grins evilly*

Malice: Can it scab. First on your agenda. Reading email. Do you know what email is?

Pradeep: Valice, yes I do, Thank you Very Much!

Malice: Great. Now all I have to do is teach it to chew with its mouth closed. OK, your first job is reading the Technical Emails. You need to go thru them, item by item, verifying the integrity of the....

*thinks*

Malice: ...verifying the integrity of the I-D-10-T Database. This I-D-10-T Database is your lifes blood. If its not running, or not running correct, your ass is back home, playing with your holy one named Betsy. Now to keep the I-D-10-T Database running, you must pay attention to your emails. They will be handing you the forensic data you need, and where to begin searching the database for problems. Do you understand?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. I-D-10-T Database, relies on emails.

Malice: I have just set you up a new email address on the SuperHeroHype.com system. Here is your new email address, ([email protected]). Your password is: FungalInfection200! That should get you in mail in a little bit. Wait on replication. Do you know what replication is?

Pradeep: Replikashun. Yes Yes. I am understanding.

*Malice meanwhile is playing the game where he spreads his hand out on a table, and quickly stabs a knife in between his fingers back and forth.*
(from the movie Aliens in the event you dont know what I am referring to)

Malice: Now, have you ever used VBulliten before?

Pradeep: Vbullet, yes yes. I am understanding.

*Malice rolls his eyes....*

Malice: Very well. Have you ever programmed in PHP or MySQL?

Pradeep: BHB yes yes, MySQL yes yes

Malice: That is PHP, not BHB, but forget it...lets move on. I am creating you a new administrator account on the VBulletin board for SuperHeroHype. Your UserName is: PraDeepThroat The password is the same as your Email address. Now I am going to go offline for a few minutes and call you back. I need to perform a few tasks here, and then will be able to monitor you while you work, so you can improve.

*grins*

Pradeep: yes Yes, Very Well.

*Click*

Thinking to himself, "This cant almost be this easy, can it?"

 

[Sensi]

i like your attitude ..giggle

 

[Malice]

I have some interesting plans for the future on this one....
I fealt we needed a new direction...well..real life hit, and bamn, I was given direction...

Like they say, Write what you know!

 

[Malice]

ok updating some new ideas, writing offline...

 

[Green Lantern]

You crushed my hopes I saw you posted in here, then I get here and its not a new episode