BATMAN CONSEQUENCE (script inside,includes pictures)

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Scripts not bad for a first draft.

Quite right that is my first draft..very perseptive.

I'm not going to put up the final draft, there are changes in there that will make the film even better.

 

[Pyro Max]

Point taken, its broken because i forgot to install it.i guess i better install it..just for you ..fact of the matter is i'm not submitting it to anybody, i'm going to be filming it myself.



however i still find you quite rude.

I cant wait to see how you deal with the comments your going to get when you put your film out. You ask people to read your script. You say it may suck, and you want the public to decide. Concidering how well you've handled your first very constructive critisism, I dont believe you want to hear anything.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

I cant wait to see how you deal with the comments your going to get when you put your film out. You ask people to read your script. You say it may suck, and you want the public to decide. Concidering how well you've handled your first very constructive critisism, I dont believe you want to hear anything.

ok i'm not getting into this,

I hear you,i have bad spelling..now what do you actually think of the script apart from bad spelling.

I apologise to julze.. i just thought the work would speak for itself..i didn't realise how much spelling would harm the story.

 

[Hunter Rider]

Nice work Robo.i like the Batman/Two Face two hander story,simplistic but effective and Gordon is also well written

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Nice work Robo.i like the Batman/Two Face two hander story,simplistic but effective and Gordon is also well written

Thankyou, coming from you my friend..your a hard man to please.

 

[wolfsfang]

And that interests me, why does it make you want to watch it?

Well it's a mixture of interesting plot, good characterisation







but mostly I just want to see that kewl looking Batman Costume in a film.

Don't get me wrong, I think Batman is okay, I'm just not a huge fan. There are other superheroes I just like more.

 

[batman7289]

dude u freaking rock
great script
have u done anyother fan films

 

[batman7289]

robocop is my new hero

 

[Bad Superman]

"Play by Play Comments on the script (with suggestions):

*Bruce : " Splendid Jim, I will tell Alfred to put on some coffee".

This line should be changed something like: "Thank you, Jim. I'll tell Alfred you will be joining us for breakfast."

*Gordon : " It's nobody, i swear". Could be changed to: "It's. . .nobody."

*Bruce smiles as gordon hurries back to his car...bruces face changes and he walks out of shot.Gordon rushes away.Bruce heads to the cave to get ready..he needs to move fast.*

Here Bruce plays back the telephone call recording between Gordon and Dent in the Batcave in order to find out what was all about. He gets Dent's address from the call.

* Batman : "Jim..stay there...don't move. "
Jim doesn’t listen to Batman and embraces his wife who is motionless and covered in blood.

*Gordon : (Groaning) "Batman? how did you find me..is barbera ok?" Change to: “How did you find me? (Checking his wife) Oh God (crying). . . looks bad. . .

Batman : " I ... I'm sorry Jim..the gun went off..i couldn't stop it."

* Alfred : " What happend master bruce" Change to: What happened? (to avoid repetition of “Master Bruce&#8221

*Bruce .. you have Baby barbera to look after now" Change to: . .you have a daughter to look after now”

* Two Face (flipping his coin) "you seemed upset on the phone..like you didn't want to help me" Change to “you lack of cooperation hasn’t helped you much, has it?”


Gordon : " What do you want Harvey?" Line is not needed. Two Face could continue with his following line: " You have forced my hand Gordon.. i want Batman.."

* gordon : " shes all i have left harvey.." (The name is not needed) Change to “she’s all I have left. . .”

* Before Bruce leaves Gordon, Gordon should say something to Bruce about taking care of his cut and thank him once again for offering his resources to help him.

*Try substituting Batman or Bruce’s OK’s for Fine in their lines.

* Twoface : "Touching " When he delivers this line, it would increase the tension if TwoFace curls Barbara’s hair.

* Gordon: " Harvey..let her go or i swear i will kill you" (Harvey is not needed)

*After the Gordon takes down Harvey to arrest him, Batman should stay until back up arrives. While Gordon hugs his daughter Batman could watch them until he hears the sirens close by as a cue to leave. Gordon turns to thank Batman but his gone and the patrols arrive at the scene.

* " The war isn't over.. so many behind bars.but more are born to the streets every day, It gets harder and the strain is begining to show on the streets of gotham. but i'm here.. watching. sleep sound tonight gotham, you have earned it. " (Batman’s VO could end on “watching”. The rest is not needed)

I loved the script. I hope you let me know when the film is done and available to watch.

I think you should add a few lines on Harvey's past criminal actions and how his hatred for Batman has been building up through the years.

I loved the suit. The eye make up needs just a little bit of work.

Great job Robo!!!

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Thanks dude,

i like your suggestions.. infact i may use some of them.. i didn't realise that you write yourself.

at the time of that picture..i wasn't wearing eye makeup.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

dude u freaking rock
great script
have u done anyother fan films

none that are online..i did some collage stuff.infact nothing fancy..an homage to the Six million dollar man.. of all things.

 

[Bad Superman]

Thanks dude,

i like your suggestions.. infact i may use some of them.. i didn't realise that you write yourself.

at the time of that picture..i wasn't wearing eye makeup.

You're welcome! I rarely write nowadays, but when I like a story or a subject I give it my best shot at trying to tell a story or if someone asks, help out a bit.

I really liked the story. I wish you the best of success for this project.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Thanks dude..

 

[charl_huntress]

Very nice, Robo...

I can't wait to see it.

 

[Pyro Max]

..an homage to the Six million dollar man.. of all things.

That is a great idea to try doing some special effect type stuff. No special costume, and a character we already know. I'd watch it for sure.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

That is a great idea to try doing some special effect type stuff. No special costume, and a character we already know. I'd watch it for sure.

Already did it.. at collage..got an A for it.. i even scored the film, might be time after Batman to do a sequel.

 

[Cyrusbales]

What sorta lighting rig are you using? I think lighting is key for batman

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

What sorta lighting rig are you using? I think lighting is key for batman

honestly i'm not that far ahead.

i'm so busy with Work.

 

[Green Goblin 1964]

i liked the script but i don't like the costume.it looks weird to me.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Fair enough..looks better in lower lighting though.

 

[Julez]

You dont intend to play Batman aswell do you? For a first time director, I highly suggest that you get a actor to play and then you can spend the entire time getting everything else right. It's hard for someone to do a good job if your doing 5 things at once on your first time.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Yes i do, and i have a very good friend who just finished film school here in England helping me to Film.

I'm all set.

 

[Julez]

Wow, now all you need is a spellcheck.

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

Wow, now all you need is a spellcheck.

thats right

one question to you though..are you purposely trying to annoy me?

 

[Venom71]

Great job Robo!