JLBats
The boney king of nowhere
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Messages
- 21,949
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There was a time when I was a Conservative Christian. Then, I had a succession of tragedies and traumas and looked upon the cosmic, non-linear chaos that religious folk have been trying for ages to streamline into a straightforward God and heaven, and, well... I emerged a changed man.
A hippie, Commie badass, yessir
And with my help and this handy instructional list, you can join me and make your mellow eternal. Here's how:
1. Grow your hair. Now, this doesn't mean you have to go wild and long and all Fabbio. Try cornrows. Or Haitian dreadlocks, the sexiest of all the dreadlocks. Moving on.
2. Eschew the ego and seek a sense of oneness with all creation. True reality is formless, and the self is a blemish on this form. To truly experience reality, we must extinguish the self. Acid helps.
3. Seek a new, more progressive conception of religion and God. Perhaps you worship some sort of cosmic piece of toast or river of monkey juices. Whatever. I personally worship an omnipotent thumb tack.
4. Sell all your possessions and give the money to a low quality, high spirit charity. They may not have much skill, and their base of operations is likely crumbling and smells of cat urine. But goddamnit, they have moxy.
5. Invest in '60s and '70s prog and alt rock. Plastic Ono Band's delicious wailings are good for what ails ye.
6. Purchase some rose coloured glasses and practice making the two-fingered peace sign.
7. Take up a political cause. I hear the whales need saving. That sounds like a good place to start.
Only once all of these have been accomplished have you truly crossed the threshold. I hope some day, you'll join us.
It's bliss
(This is me, being very, extremely bored)
A hippie, Commie badass, yessir
And with my help and this handy instructional list, you can join me and make your mellow eternal. Here's how:
1. Grow your hair. Now, this doesn't mean you have to go wild and long and all Fabbio. Try cornrows. Or Haitian dreadlocks, the sexiest of all the dreadlocks. Moving on.
2. Eschew the ego and seek a sense of oneness with all creation. True reality is formless, and the self is a blemish on this form. To truly experience reality, we must extinguish the self. Acid helps.
3. Seek a new, more progressive conception of religion and God. Perhaps you worship some sort of cosmic piece of toast or river of monkey juices. Whatever. I personally worship an omnipotent thumb tack.
4. Sell all your possessions and give the money to a low quality, high spirit charity. They may not have much skill, and their base of operations is likely crumbling and smells of cat urine. But goddamnit, they have moxy.
5. Invest in '60s and '70s prog and alt rock. Plastic Ono Band's delicious wailings are good for what ails ye.
6. Purchase some rose coloured glasses and practice making the two-fingered peace sign.
7. Take up a political cause. I hear the whales need saving. That sounds like a good place to start.
Only once all of these have been accomplished have you truly crossed the threshold. I hope some day, you'll join us.
It's bliss
(This is me, being very, extremely bored)
:meow:
