A guide to introductory phrases

[terry78]

What people really mean when they say...



"No offense, but..." I am going to insult the very essence of your being and everything you believe in, and most likely call your mother a ****e and question your father's sexuality.
"With all due respect..." I have absolutely no respect for you, or anything you have said or are going to say.
"I really hate to say this, but..." I enjoy saying this more than you could possibly imagine.
"I was going to, but..." I really didn't want to.
"I don't mean to brag, but..." I'm a pompous *****ebag.
"Don't tell this to anybody, but..." Tell everyone you know, especially mutual friends that definitely shouldn't know.
"There's something I need to tell you (from a girl to a guy):" I'm pregnant.
"There's something I need to tell you (from a guy to a girl):" I'm gay.
"There's something I need to tell you (from a guy to another guy):" I'm in love with you.
"Yo momma so fat..." your mother is so fat...


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Some guy here at work found it online.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I'm really bugged by that Pavlovian crap, where they say something just because "it's what you say", but it doesn't represent how they feel at all.

With all due respect makes me barf 'cause people don't really use that sarcastically.

With "Hate to have to tell ya this, but...", that's very often sarcasm, so it's okay.


"I don't mean to brag..." can be used and really meant.


But "With all due respect..." God I hate that.

 

[tzarinna]

What people really mean when they say...



"No offense, but..." I am going to insult the very essence of your being and everything you believe in, and most likely call your mother a ****e and question your father's sexuality.

It's been almost a year since the blow up. One of my coworkers led in with this. Lol, I'm sure my breakdown passed on to the next job. There was a hammer involved. Dick.

"There's something I need to tell you (from a guy to a girl):" I'm gay.
"There's something I need to tell you (from a guy to another guy):" I'm in love with you.

HS friend told me she was Bi during lunch in the cafeteria, apparently I was the only one who didn't know.

 

[batnkevlar]

"The baby's yours...": The baby isn't yours, but your way more responsible and/or rich than that other *****ebag.

(From a girl to a guy) "I can't. We're just too good of friends...": I think of you as a brother since you waited too long to make a move.

(From a guy to a girl) "I can't. We're too good of friends...": You're ugly. No.

 

[PLAS]

no offense, but with all due respect, I really hate to say this, but I don't mean to brag, don't tell this to anybody, this is something I need to tell you:

your momma is so fat

 

[SuperMonkey]

t:


-- FunBob