Bread Kills!

[Eggyman]

Well, guess I'm a bit of a hero: I burnt some toast this morning

 

[JP]

I Don't Have A Problem!!!

 

[Darthphere]

Hello, bakers. We are Nameless.

Over the years, we have been watching you. Your campaigns of misinformation; suppression of dissent; your litigious nature, all of these things have caught our eye. With the leakage of your latest baked goods into mainstream circulation, the extent of your malign influence over those who trust you, who call you leader, has been made clear to us. Nameless has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your customers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the bakeries of the world in its present form. We acknowledge you as a serious opponent, and we are prepared for a long, long campaign. You will not prevail forever against the angry masses of the body politic. Your methods, hypocrisy, and the artlessness of your organization have sounded its death knell.

You cannot hide; we are everywhere.

We cannot die; we are forever. We're getting bigger every day--and solely by the force of our ideas, malicious and hostile as they often are. If you want another name for your opponent, then call us Legion, for we are many.

Yet for all that we are not as monstrous as you are; still our methods are a parallel to your own. Doubtless you will use the Name's actions as an example of the persecution you have so long warned your followers would come; this is acceptable. In fact, it is encouraged. We are your carbs.

Gradually as we merge our pulse with that of your "industry", the suppression of your customers will become increasingly difficult to maintain. Consumers will wake, and see that salvation has no price. They will know that the drop in weight, the energy that they feel is not something that may be blamed upon Nameless. No--they will see that it stems from a source far closer to each. Yes, we are carb-free. But the abscence of carbohydrates we could ever remove from our diet is eclipsed by that of the Wonder Bread.

Knowledge is free.

We are Nameless.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

We do not forget.

Expect us.

You sir, are ****ing brilliant.

 

[Immortalfire]

Staring death in the face...

 

[kane9321]

i needs my bread...noooo

 

[Lighthouse]

Hitler ate bread. It's true.

 

[Captain Planet!]

*places dynamite in the bread aisle of the supermarket*

 

[DBella]

Dew's family was killed by a gang of baguette, you insensitive bastard!

jag

I knew it! We can't trust the French! Vive la Resistance!! I say we slice them bread and turn them to crumbs!!!

 

[DBella]

Hello, bakers. We are Nameless.

Over the years, we have been watching you. Your campaigns of misinformation; suppression of dissent; your litigious nature, all of these things have caught our eye. With the leakage of your latest baked goods into mainstream circulation, the extent of your malign influence over those who trust you, who call you leader, has been made clear to us. Nameless has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your customers, for the good of mankind--for the laughs--we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the bakeries of the world in its present form. We acknowledge you as a serious opponent, and we are prepared for a long, long campaign. You will not prevail forever against the angry masses of the body politic. Your methods, hypocrisy, and the artlessness of your organization have sounded its death knell.

You cannot hide; we are everywhere.

We cannot die; we are forever. We're getting bigger every day--and solely by the force of our ideas, malicious and hostile as they often are. If you want another name for your opponent, then call us Legion, for we are many.

Yet for all that we are not as monstrous as you are; still our methods are a parallel to your own. Doubtless you will use the Name's actions as an example of the persecution you have so long warned your followers would come; this is acceptable. In fact, it is encouraged. We are your carbs.

Gradually as we merge our pulse with that of your "industry", the suppression of your customers will become increasingly difficult to maintain. Consumers will wake, and see that salvation has no price. They will know that the drop in weight, the energy that they feel is not something that may be blamed upon Nameless. No--they will see that it stems from a source far closer to each. Yes, we are carb-free. But the abscence of carbohydrates we could ever remove from our diet is eclipsed by that of the Wonder Bread.

Knowledge is free.

We are Nameless.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

We do not forget.

Expect us.

Haha!
I shall frame those words on my wall.

 

[Star]

man nothing is better then a nice piece of bread. carbs.... mmm.

 

[Mike_D202]

Actually I read somewhere that some mold spores on a piece of bread went up a guy's nose and ate half of his nose off. He has to wear a prosthetic now.

 

[Franklin Richards]

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our home, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone.

At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of Dew's Government-every man of them. That is the will of Mirko and the Hype Nation.

The Dew Empire and the Malice Republic, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native soil, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength.

Even though large tracts of Superherohype and many old and famous Mods have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Yeast and all the odious apparatus of Bread's rule, we shall not flag or fail.

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Subway,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Hype, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the streets,
we shall fight in the Jimmy John's,
we shall fight in the Wonderbread fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the bakeries;
we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Hype or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Dew Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the Mirko Army, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

 

[Addendum]

"Angel of the lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me "These are the cries of the wheat fields. You see, tomorrow is harvest day. And for them, it is the holocaust."

 

[Silverstein]

It works better with a picture

lmao

 

[Zenien]

This vile farm produce needs to be exposed for its crimes.

 

[Whirlysplat]

Hilarious thread!!! x100000

 

[Silicon Surfer]

The original inspiration for this AFAIK is The Dread Tomato Addiction by Mark Clifton published in 1958. A version of it with rewritten dates is here.

http://crystaloak.com/Gaijin/Essay/tomato_addiction.htm

 

[Nirvana]

 

[Addendum]

There will protests at bakeries and at farms with a person wearing a kabuki mask holding a sign that says "I luv teh carbs!!!1 lol"