Soriano's contract perks
A message of Death
The Chicago Tribune recently released information on Alfonso Soriano's contract perks, which I'm sure are of interest to Cub fans. Here's a list of some of the perks, published by the Tribune:
Soriano's deal gives him a complete no-trade provision and guarantees a suite on Cubs road trips, according to contract information obtained by The Associated Press. In addition, Soriano is guaranteed six premium tickets for each home game during spring training, regular season and the postseason -- and for the All-Star game if he is selected.
Soriano receives an $8 million signing bonus and will get a $9 million salary next season. His salary increases to $13 million in 2008 and $16 million in 2009, then goes up to $18 million from 2010-2014. Soriano, who turns 31 in January, will be 38 in the final year of the deal.
There are also plenty of incentives for the five-time All-Star, who will be the Cubs leadoff hitter. He gets $250,000 for collecting most All Star votes, $350,000 if he is selected the World Series MVP, $250,000 for the league championship series MVP, $300,000 for the MVP award and $75,000 for a Gold Glove.
As another provision, Soriano will donate $25,000 annually to United Way and $25,000 annually to Cubs Care foundation.
Surprisngly, the Tribune failed to report all of Soriano's perks. Luckily, our source in the front office was able to provide us with that information. Here's a more complete version of the list:
Perk: Soriano is to receive $1,000 worth of free massages every week in order to stay loose and healthy
Commentary: This seems reasonable. An athlete can get very sore due to the daily grind of baseball. Hopefully the Cubs are keeping an eye on where Soriano gets his massages. I don't think anybody would be happy if this perk ended with Alfonso blowing his allowance on one session that lasts 10 minutes.
Perk: Soriano gets to have his personal assistant travel with him on road trips.
Commentary: Again, seems reasonable. Soriano hasn't asked for his P.A. to have game access - we all remember the debacle involving the P.A. of Sammy Sosa - so, it shouldn't interfere with the game.
Perk: Alfonso Soriano's personal body guard will be Chuck Norris.
Commentary: Makes sense. We should be happy that Soriano is so serious about staying safe.
Perk: Security guards at every game will round up the most attractive women at the ballpark and offer them a chance to "meet" Soriano after each game.
Commentary: I don't understand why "meet" is in quotes for this one, but I think it's really terrific that Soriano has expressed an interest in getting to know Cub fans better in a one-on-one basis. Or even a two-on-one basis. Hmm.
Perk: Once a month, the Cubs will provide Soriano with the opportunity to kill a homeless man for fun. If a hobo can't be found, then a prostitute is suitable.
Commentary: ... uhhhh ...
Perk: Whenever Soriano draws a walk, four dwarves will run onto the field with a chair. Soriano will be permitted to sit in the chair and be carried by the dwarves to first base in style.
Commentary: Seriously, wtf?
Perk: By no later than July of 2007, in whatever outfield position that Soriano plays, a pool containing sharks with fricking lazerbeams must be installed into Wrigley Field.
Commentary: I really don't know what to say. This is just insane.
Perk: Lastly, no player, manager, front office employee, or fan is permitted to make eye contact with Soriano at any time, lest Chuck Norris be given an excuse to pummel the offender.
Commentary: Yeah, screw this. Jim Hendry must be insane to allow for all of this crap. Seriously, this is crazy.
So, now you know. It's just so ... so ... weird.
http://www.goatriders.org/
A message of Death
The Chicago Tribune recently released information on Alfonso Soriano's contract perks, which I'm sure are of interest to Cub fans. Here's a list of some of the perks, published by the Tribune:
Soriano's deal gives him a complete no-trade provision and guarantees a suite on Cubs road trips, according to contract information obtained by The Associated Press. In addition, Soriano is guaranteed six premium tickets for each home game during spring training, regular season and the postseason -- and for the All-Star game if he is selected.
Soriano receives an $8 million signing bonus and will get a $9 million salary next season. His salary increases to $13 million in 2008 and $16 million in 2009, then goes up to $18 million from 2010-2014. Soriano, who turns 31 in January, will be 38 in the final year of the deal.
There are also plenty of incentives for the five-time All-Star, who will be the Cubs leadoff hitter. He gets $250,000 for collecting most All Star votes, $350,000 if he is selected the World Series MVP, $250,000 for the league championship series MVP, $300,000 for the MVP award and $75,000 for a Gold Glove.
As another provision, Soriano will donate $25,000 annually to United Way and $25,000 annually to Cubs Care foundation.
Surprisngly, the Tribune failed to report all of Soriano's perks. Luckily, our source in the front office was able to provide us with that information. Here's a more complete version of the list:
Perk: Soriano is to receive $1,000 worth of free massages every week in order to stay loose and healthy
Commentary: This seems reasonable. An athlete can get very sore due to the daily grind of baseball. Hopefully the Cubs are keeping an eye on where Soriano gets his massages. I don't think anybody would be happy if this perk ended with Alfonso blowing his allowance on one session that lasts 10 minutes.
Perk: Soriano gets to have his personal assistant travel with him on road trips.
Commentary: Again, seems reasonable. Soriano hasn't asked for his P.A. to have game access - we all remember the debacle involving the P.A. of Sammy Sosa - so, it shouldn't interfere with the game.
Perk: Alfonso Soriano's personal body guard will be Chuck Norris.
Commentary: Makes sense. We should be happy that Soriano is so serious about staying safe.
Perk: Security guards at every game will round up the most attractive women at the ballpark and offer them a chance to "meet" Soriano after each game.
Commentary: I don't understand why "meet" is in quotes for this one, but I think it's really terrific that Soriano has expressed an interest in getting to know Cub fans better in a one-on-one basis. Or even a two-on-one basis. Hmm.
Perk: Once a month, the Cubs will provide Soriano with the opportunity to kill a homeless man for fun. If a hobo can't be found, then a prostitute is suitable.
Commentary: ... uhhhh ...
Perk: Whenever Soriano draws a walk, four dwarves will run onto the field with a chair. Soriano will be permitted to sit in the chair and be carried by the dwarves to first base in style.
Commentary: Seriously, wtf?
Perk: By no later than July of 2007, in whatever outfield position that Soriano plays, a pool containing sharks with fricking lazerbeams must be installed into Wrigley Field.
Commentary: I really don't know what to say. This is just insane.
Perk: Lastly, no player, manager, front office employee, or fan is permitted to make eye contact with Soriano at any time, lest Chuck Norris be given an excuse to pummel the offender.
Commentary: Yeah, screw this. Jim Hendry must be insane to allow for all of this crap. Seriously, this is crazy.
So, now you know. It's just so ... so ... weird.
http://www.goatriders.org/
