Deadpool Movie :: Script Help and Critique

[Sidepocket]

Hello all.

Just to give you some background: I am a geek first and formost. I do many thing, one of them is writing. I plan on publishing a full novel in Summer 07, but that is not the focus now. I have been writing scripts for independent films in the NYC area for around 5 years now. I started as a hobby, but it is something I have grown on me, and it helps when the films you write do not tank.

With that said, there is an idea that I have had on my mind for awhile now, my attempt to "Shoot The Moon". You see I am a big Deadpool fan. I love the character and the warped eschew style of the storytelling. The character has an amazing background, history, and persona that makes him stand out with all the other seemingly homogenious mutants and Superheros.

It makes me sad, because while I see that Deadpool is popular, I did not believe he would be more popular than lets say TV Movie. Not when compared to Spider-Man, the Punisher, The Hulk, Fantastic 4, ect.

However, since Sin City has opend up the mind to higher levels of comic book movies and the lesser known Ghost Rider is getting a shot at the silver screen....why not Deadpool I thought?

I then read over the fiasco about the Goyer and the guy from Blade 3. While it is sad it did not go through, I had a feeling that Goyer would do something hoky with the character after seeing what happend between the Gel Torro Blade 2 and the Goyer Blade 3.

So, in the end, it has come to this. I have been intense in wrighting this thing for about a month now slowly putting things together. Its been both the most fun and the most chalanging project I have done in long time! I love the world of Deadpool, Marvel, and my interpretation as a comic book fan of it. At the same time, nailing the seriousness with the humor and really trying to crank out a non-cheezy comic book film that both makes fun of and praises comic books....very hard to do.

So after some wrighting, I figure that since there are other Deadpool fans out there, who could critique this better than you guys.

Here we are.

My first post here will be just some bullet points off the top of my head and some dossers here, I have like, 7 windows of pictures and wrighting peices open right now. Its alot of info. I plan on posting the outline next when having time, and then posting peices of the scrip as it currently is from start to finish. Feel free to make as many scathing comments along the way, just please tell me how to make this better and not just a simple "you suck!"

Here are some facts about the script so far. *reads*


-- Deadpool dose break the forth wall. He not only knows he is a comic book character, but also in a movie and addresses the audience on occason.

-- The story is broken into three acts. Act One is the origin story of Deadpool deveoping cancer, entering Weapon X, everything going wrong, tortured and experimented on, killed, resureced, the works.

-- Squirrel Girl gets roped into this, and yes, she wins the fight summoning all the squirls on Manhattan Island to wich Deadpool promply states "Ohhhhhh...F$#k Me Then!"

-- Purple Man is the intellectual enemy of the overall story, while Agent Zero is the physical side of the evil that Deadpool must face.

-- The Hell House is this secret place in Staten Island that host itself to burricrats who bet on all the assinations happening in the Merc Guild. Its a very dirty and grim place, like a casino of death. Weasel is the weapons supplyer of the club who factors as an important person in the ending. Vanessa Carlysle is a girl that Deadpool is fond for who works in the brothel there.

-- Deadpool not only thinks in little yellow boxes, but he also uses yellow Post-It notes that give off tips and such messages to his friends and foes.

-- The action is protrayed as real as I could make it and Deadpool (and his foes) are highly lethal, no Crouching Tiger stuff. This is a stark contrast to the bizzar nature of the world they live in such as Typhoid Mary mental abilities and Vanessa's mimic powers, ect.

-- As you can see, I have tried to cram as many real world New York City locations as a I could. Even fictional streets have a cross Ave that actualy exist in the city.


That is all I can pull right now before I get back to work here at my desk. My current problem is taht I cannot figure out what two villians I want The Purple Man to have as his highly lethal lackies. I will elaborate more later.

Next time, I will post the plot outline I typed up to keep track of thing while wrighting this. Feel free to fire blasphemous fire at my face.

 

[bored]

Interesting, though some character choices seem a bit random (Squirrel Girl, Purple Man).

 

[Green_Lantern43]

sounds pretty good...I too am a large Deadpool fan. He is my by far favorite Marvel comic book character. If u need any help plot wise, or any writing I will gladly help out as well. I am also planning to script out my version of the Deadpool character but keep me posted...

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Very interesting--hell, I had an idea of writing somethind 'Pool-related myself.

Can't wait to see what you have planned.

 

[WeaponZ2]

Very interesting--hell, I had an idea of writing somethind 'Pool-related myself.

Can't wait to see what you have planned.

SO DID I!! But I wont because I hate Fanfics *thumbs down*. But when you post the script I'll read it and tell you what I think cause...well its Deadpool!

 

[MaskedManJRK]

SO DID I!! But I wont because I hate Fanfics *thumbs down*. But when you post the script I'll read it and tell you what I think cause...well its Deadpool!

...Yet you were in the RPG? That's essentially a bigger version of a fan-fic with multiple writers.

 

[WeaponZ2]

...Yet you were in the RPG? That's essentially a bigger version of a fan-fic with multiple writers.

Theres a difference. Writing little post takes an hour. Two hours tops. A draft of a script can take months. And personally I don't like writing films that will NEVER be shot. I write scripts as if I'm going to film them (and am currently working on doing so, with my ****ty camera and my friends as actors). Writing something as big as Deadpool would just depress me, because I would never get a chance to see my vision on screen....

 

[Tracer Bullet]

it'd be cool if we could see wolverine mavrick or sabertooth in there

 

[Sidepocket]

Merry X-Mas people on the message board. I guess here is your gift, the outline.


Deadpool The Movie

--ACT ONE--

In Detroit, the Opening is a parody of a typical superhero intro were a man named Styles is running away from his local gang, the police have put a bounty on him. He runs into the gang members, but one by one they are beaten up by someone that looks like Spider-Man. The Spider guy grabs the guy and with a thread swings to the roof top. When Styles goes to thank Spider-Man, it is revealed to be Deadpool who holds the bounty paper and says "I don't shoot webs kid, but bullets are a tasty side-dish!" Deadpool shoots Styles point blank in the face.

Mentioning that Detroit is one of his least favored cities, he narrates a huge flashback that details on how he became who he is now. Moving to a film noir look of Halifax, Nova Scotia. The Man who calls himself Wade after his Sniper Rifle is silently crouched, lessening on his two way signal to a group of Mobsters. He begins to aim and tries to snipe the leader but fails due to head pains. As he tries to flee the scene, his head trauma gets worse until he ends up blacked out.

Picked up as a normal civilian, he is diagnosed with Terminal Cancer of the Neo Cortex and is giving a month left to live. During his bleak time at the hospital, he is visited by a black man who calls himself Nick. Nick knows Wade history as the best hitman in Canada and offers him a solution to his cancer. Wade takes it and escapes the hospital were he makes a long and hard trek to Alkali Lake, British Columbia. When he arives, he blacks out again and wakes up in a room. Meeting Nick, along with a mysterious man, he signs a contract to performs experiments on him by transplanting the Weapon X's healing genome into his own DNA to reverse the cancer. The procedure is carried out by Dr. Killbrew, injecting the synthesis rDNA into his tumor wich starts to spread out of control and go horribly wrong.

Becoming scarred and deformed, Wade wants out, but is informed by the mystery man that his contract states that he is still subject to testing even if the procedure was a failure. Dr. Killbrew sends him over to the Hospice, a experimental center were failed experiments are put to further testing. Under Dr. Killbrew and his assistant Ajax, he is tortured and experimented on, meeting with the other rejects (like a warped version of an AA meeting) and betting in a dead pool of who will live and died. Being the last person to surcome to death and becoming slowly insane, Dr. Killbrew determines him to be a failure and tells Ajax to terminate him with the "only good result of Weapon X". Ajax takes Wade to the chemical shed and orders "Zero" to kill him, the thing stabs Wade and cuts open his chest.

As Wade is left bleeding to death, he ascends to meet Death who is the most beautiful woman any man has ever seen. She comforts him, commenting on how he is the only person to stare in the face of death and not be afraid. Wade comments on how he loves her and wants to live in the life after death, but Death responds saying that sadly it is never meant to be and that as long as he is as he is, he will never die. The cancer in Wade kicks in and heals his chest, Wade wakes up in an enraged and emotionally wrecked state. He infiltrates the Weapon X compound, killing all the people in the compound and releasing the experiments (including one labeled "LOGAN"). He soon confronts Dr. Killbrew and using a bedpan caves the doctor's skull in, Ajax running away. Tired and exhausted in the burring ruins, Wade takes a last name "Wilson" from the Bedpan Brand Name and the name "Deadpool" commenting how he is the only one to survive. He is now an insane wreck.


--Act Two--

PI Investigator Carl Morrison is called for a large murder scene of 15 people in Brooklyn. With his crew there, he banters with his partner Jean DeWolff on how the turn of events happen and the addition discovery of a little girl who is now missing. We shift in and out of the investigation and Wade, now Deadpool, acting out the murder that has already taken place. Carl puts the killer, alias Deadpool under his main investigation case.

We flash to Deadpool sitting in his Apartment up in The Bronx, eating Doritos and watching retro cartoons. In his Apartment he has the little missing girl, a 16 year old named Althea Mikka who Deadpool calls "Blind Al" for the fact that she is blind. He tries to do nice things for her, his perception of nice that is, wich ends up alienating the frighten blind girl more. Receiving a note from a carrying pigeon moments later, his friend Weasel informing him of an "hit of a lifetime", Deadpool suits up and heads out too the Hellhouse in Statin Island.

The Hellhouse is a secret building were Burrocrats bet on the assassinations handed out by the merc guild that Deadpool is in (for the Insurance and the Membership Keychain he claims). Its a dirty and dark place, looking like a combination sports bar, strip club and armory room. On the way over, Deadpool prevents his close friend Vanessa Carlysle from getting harassed from the other ladies of the evening. Meeting up with Weasel, a time traveling weapons dealer, he informs Deadpool that a big hit from 5 private governments has appeared on the map in Manhattan...and its no other than Ajax, the only person that escaped him from the Weapon X program.

However, Weasel informs him that since Deadpool is a #6 ranked Merc and not in the Top Five, he cannot put his name out for the kill. In order to go for Ajax, he has to convince or defeat the Top Five ranking Mercs on Ajax's case to step down and not hunt Ajax. After much talking, Deadpool takes the case, first going after "the mute" Grasshopper.

The Hellhouse members bet on the match, as Deadpool tracks down Grasshopper who is currently assassinating a Yakuza Mob boss in Soho. Deadpool and Grasshopper fight neck to neck, totally destroying the property, people, and each other bodies with Deadpool wining by the width of a hair of skill.

Deadpool all maxed out makes it back to his apartment and plans to go after #4 Skuddy. He also tries to connect better with Blind Al, and buys her a Seeing-Eye dog named Deuce for her. There relationship improves a little bit as he then heads off to get Skuddy in Queens. #4 turns out to be this punk kid with a high caliber rifle who has little skill. Before he makes mince meat out of him, Skuddy calls on his overprotective girlfriend Squirrel Girl, who summons all of the squirrels in the city to attack Deadpool in a spectacular and violent action scene. Deadpool, licking his wounds, ends up using some social engineering to convince the gullibly Squirrel Girl to leave town to Connecticut. Once she leaves, Deadpool tracks down Skuddy and while he dose not kill him, he tortures the kid and publicly humiliates him.

Deadpool soon ends up at a bar on 9th Street. He sits with Weasel and talks about what he has done with his life and pondering if he really has a purpose after he kills Ajax. Feeling like someone is watching him in the bar he moves off to investigate and runs into Typhoid Mary, a mentally insane and blood telepath who happens to be the #3 Merc. She was told by a man named T-Ray of Deadpool's location, and decided to hunt for him herself. Mentally torturing Deadpool, they fight decimating the bar and half of the block, ending with Deadpool pulling in and impaling Typhoid into a Dog Curbing Signpost. Deadpool retreats to the Hellhouse and finds out that the #2 Mercs is a team of mutants, Domino and T-Ray. Deadpool decides to go after them and Vanessa overhears, as well as a mysterious person in the room.

Running away from the PI Carl Morrison under investigation, Domino encounters Deadpool. Deadpool offers her to betray her partner T-Ray to get the financial bonus that T-Ray promises but never delivers. He gets her off half convincingly, but the cops bust in at the wrong moment causing them to depart.

Deadpool encounters T-Ray while on the run, who is a very powerful in strength and is a very strong telepath. He brutally beaten Deadpool, and Deadpool almost wins but Domino nags him to near submission. T-Ray wants to go ahead and kill him, but Domino has an argument with T-Ray about the money they get from hits and how she never sees the end of it. Just before T-Ray tries to stab Deadpool in the head, Domino shoots T-Ray and turns on her partner. T-Ray escapes and Domino aligns herself with Wade reluctantly to get the pay off that Deadpool promises.

Carl Morrison studies more of what has been going on, and starts to uncover things that were covered up before. Things such as Weapon X and a man on a large payroll named Killgrave. Suddenly, he encounters the man Nick, who is known now as Nick Fury who leads SHEILD. He steals his investigation and knocks Carl out, reorganizing his investigation that leads to Deadpool's capture.

Deadpool with Domino's help end up tracking #1, who they then realize is a trap set up by T-Ray. T-Ray battles the two and tries to mentally control Deadpool, but he is short fused due to Deadpool's insanity. That is when #1 shows up, the Taskmaster. T-Ray now focus on Domino while the Taskmaster focuses on Deadpool. Domino easily beats T-Ray into pulp, but cannot get close to Deadpool to help him out. Beaten and knocked out, Deadpool emerges from the rubble and continues a hopeless battle againced the Taskmaster. Taskmaster then stabs Deadpool, but then Wade morphs into Vanessa the Copycat Prostitute. Confused, Taskmaster gets cleaved into two by the real Deadpool behind him.

-- Act Three --

Deadpool realizes he was too late and that Vanessa got involved and is now wounded. Domino accompanies him with Vanessa back to the Hellhouse were she is treated by Weasel. The Buricrats then decide that Deadpool is worthy enough to hunt for Ajax, offering him 15 million for the kill. Deadpool promises to split this to Domino as payment and with encouragement form Vanessa goes off into Times Square were Ajax was last seen.

Deadpool stalks Ajax, who seems to be on the run by every law enforcement personal imaginable. Deadpool manages to corner Ajax, but is interrupted by an assassin Ajax calls Zero. Ajax explains that Agent Zero is why the authorities and a purple colored man is hunting him for. Shortly, two other assassins arrive and Ajax with Zero is on the run. Deadpool shortly fights the two hostile beings and then gives chase.

Deadpool finds Ajax captured into a high armored truck along with Agent Zero. Men are putting the two away and the mysterious man we have seen through the movie turns around. Its now raining, and Deadpool is getting nauseating headaches. The man has purple skin and calls himself Mr. Killgrave. Killgrave states that he knows Wade and that he was a failure in the Weapon X program, a program he created with the Canadian Government so he could secretly sell the highly lethal weapons to rival militaries, making huge profit. Deadpool tries to confront The Purple Man, but the purple man simply asks people on the street to fight Deadpool and they do so on command with no qualms or protection of there life. Deadpool tries to fight through a crowd that gets progressively larger and then gives up.

He returns to the Hellhouse only to find it on fire and in ruins. He braves inside for Vanessa and finds her with head trauma next to the Burricrats who are all dead and burning. Touching her, she heals herself through absorbing his power and she wakes up, detailing that a man in Purple assaulted the place. She tried to stop him but failed and when she touched him, she found out all about him. In quick flashbacks we find that Killgrave was a young boy with a criminal father and his mother was a prostitute. During a huge robbery at a chemical factory, his father left him there so that Killgrave would get arrested and not him. When the police showed up, they shot Killgrave and he fell into a vat of chemicals. Waking up at the morge, labeled dead, the chemicals turned his skin purple. He fled the scene and slowly found out his body produced a chemical that made people do whatever he want, and everything went up from there.

The police arrive, along with solders of SHEILD and Nick Fury, a man that Deadpool recognizes. They flee the scene and Deadpool contemplates the situation. To get to Ajax, he needs to get through Purple Man and his goons, as well as that Agent Zero and SHEILD. It would be a mission from hell and feels that this will be his last mission. He drops Vanessa at the Xavier Institute hoping as a mutant she gets a better future. She as a token of there friendship gives him her favorite candy bar. At his home, he frees Blind Al and leaves her with some money to lead a normal life. Just as he leaves, Carl Morrison breaks in and "rescues" Al.

Deadpool then pays Domino for her assistance and request her to help him with this personal vendetta. After some internal conflict, she agrees and they both track down Killgrave to his mansion in Richmond, British Columbia. Nick Fury tracks down The Purple Man to his location as well, and plans to bust him for his crimes and the Weapon X project once and for all.

In Richmond, The Purple Man knows from his contacts that SHEILD and Deadpool are coming for him. He has Ajax, who is forcing him to reveal the Weapon X secrets and create a new project called "Slayback". He creates the first mutant results of the project and finding through security that Deadpool has arrived unleashes two them. Deadpool and Domino encounter the Slayback creations (Deadpool names them @$$ and Feet, based on how they smell) and Domino fights them. Soon the two Purple Man bodyguards from before enter in the fray and they both split up. Deadpool ends up in a long fight defeating his two guys and encounters Ajax. Ajax is guild ridden for the crimes him and Weapon X caused and begs Deadpool to kill him. Oddly, Deadpool cannot do it, and Ajax stabs himself with one of Deadpool's swords. The doctor tells Deadpool that a destruction device planed by the Purple Man will activate in one minute and blow the place to hell while Killgrave gets away.

Deadpool tries to locate the bomb, but find Domino who attacks him. He realizes that Purple Man has her under her control and tries to snap her out of it with failure. He ends up throwing her over a railing, thinking he has killed her by accident. She turns out to be alive and slinks off, telling Deadpool that Purple Man has the deactivation codes in his briefcase.

Deadpool goes to the Purple Man's office and gets the briefcase, but encounters Killgrave himself, pissed and in rage in the party room. Purple Man tries to use his mind control chemicals on Deadpool, and sends Wade into a dream state were he struggles with his desires telling him to kill himself. Wade realize that these thoughts are not his and snaps out of it, causing the Purple Man to go into a federal rage and beat Deadpool. Deadpool, dazed and in pain, comes to his senses and takes out the candy that Vanessa gives him to wich Purple Man punches. Killgraves skin burns, Deadpool now realize that Purple Man has a weakness for caffeine and douses him with soda from the party room, causing Purple Man to burn in green fire and his skin melting off like liquid metal. Killgrave flings himself through the window and breaks his leg as he is submerged in the outdoor pool.

Deadpool then tries to leave the scene and open the case, when he realizes he needs a code to open it. The hall blows up, and a countdown begins. Agent Zero pops out of no were, blaming Deadpool for his masters death and challenges him to a battle of the death. Deadpool agrees.

Back at the institute, Vanessa gets a call from the orphaned Blind Al. They both talk about Deadpool and realize that he is on a suicide mission. Deciding they would not stand down, they both run away into NYC to search for Deadpool's old buddy Weasel. The locate him in a Milltown Comic Book shop ready to make his final leap and never come back to this timeline. Blind Al tries to convince him, and then Vanessa forces Weasel to help Deadpool out. Weasel then contacts his time buddy and offers him a deal. The man on the phone named "Nate" agrees and Weasel reminds them that this has a low chance of working out.

Deadpool and Agent Zero are fighting like samurai as the building is crumbling around them. Soon SHEILD arrives and starts searching the area. As they fight, they end up dispatching the solders that find them. Agent Zero makes use of his power to disturbed Deadpool's healing ripping his arm off, but with a warrior's spirit manages to defeat Zero. Zero then talks about life and death and thanks Wade of giving him a warriors death. Zero then reveals the deactivation code to the case and dies.

Deadpool re-attaches his arm that held the case and uses the code to open the case and cancel the bomb. In the pool, the Purple Man emerges chard and weak. He kills a SHEILD pilot and highjack the parked helicopter. Killgrave then activates thought he computer the second explosive system and fly’s away.

The second system goes online as Deadpool cuts through SHEILD agents and everything starts blowing up. Deadpool tries to escape, but gets engulfed in fire as two hands grasp him.

After a humorous dream, Deadpool wakes up near Blind Al and Vanessa who are happy that he is alive. Weasel shows up and Deadpool thanks him. Weasel says not to thank him, since he is not "a telepath" and that it is his business partner who helped out. The partner steps in revealing himself to be Nathan Summers, aka Cable. Weasel explains that to save Deadpools life, he had to barter something to Cable, hence he sold Deadpool's services to them. Cable states that his enemy is SHEILD and that the last man in Deadpool's way, Nick Fury, is his target. Deadpool is convinced to get revenge finally and fully agrees to help out.

When asking were they are, Cable states that they have a lot of work to do. Wade realize that they are in a building in....Detroit, the city Deadpool hates more than anything. Deadpool screams in a Darth Vader way in anger at this revelation.

--THE END--


NOTE: I will most likely end up taking out some of the charcters, and mainly shortening Act Two and Act Three. I am also having trouble thinking who will be the bodyguards of The Purple Man. I oringinaly had many diffrent villians and mercs as them, but I eather feel like they were not impressive enough or that they were worthy of there own movie.

Fee free to throw more burning stuff at me.

 

[The Phantom]

Holy crap, that first act was killer. Anyone know the best way for me to get into the Deadpool comics? Are there any Essential books on him?

 

[CAH]

It sounds great Sidepocket!

DP is such a kick@$$ character!

And your predicament sounds exactly like mine with my longtime dream project, SG: Space Ghost. I'm sure you're familiar with that character, and I don't know if you have ever read the retelling of his origins, but they're awesome! So, I've wrote a treatment and am preparing to begin the screenplay in about, a month or so.

But, please show your support if possible brother. I'd really appreciate it.

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229708

Thanks, and great hob/good luck with Deadpool!


CAH

 

[Sidepocket]

Wow, thanks. t:

 

[LadyVader]

Holy crap, that first act was killer. Anyone know the best way for me to get into the Deadpool comics? Are there any Essential books on him?

Deadpool: Circle Chase
and Deadpool's solo series. Joe Kelly truly fleshed out the character in that book.

The plot outline is great but there's just too much happening in the third act. And I really don't think you should go into the whole "Deadpool loves Death" thing. Why are you making Blind Al a girl? Don't we have enough teenage smartasses runing around? A cool old lady would be a treat.

 

[Sidepocket]

Deadpool: Circle Chase
and Deadpool's solo series. Joe Kelly truly fleshed out the character in that book.

The plot outline is great but there's just too much happening in the third act. And I really don't think you should go into the whole "Deadpool loves Death" thing. Why are you making Blind Al a girl? Don't we have enough teenage smartasses runing around? A cool old lady would be a treat.

I agree with you about the Third Act. I am looking into that.

The Death thing is not only the catalist for Deadpool's psychosis, but is the reason why he cannot be controlled by The Purple Man. When he becomes hillusonated, he sees Death again as an illusion and snaps out of it because Death has already forsakend him so he knows this is not real. Plus, I did not want to dissrupt any of the Deadpool's mythos too much and I really like the idea that he meets death, or atleast in his own mind he dose.

Blind Al is a girl because it would be really weird if he did. How many SuperHeros do you know has a kidnapped girl chained up in his room?

An old lady would just make it unessisarily weird to the point of not beliving it.

Also to quench your worry because I know I would be too, I did not make her 16 because I had to put a kid in there, unlike Superman Returns. *shivers* I made her that age beacuse it is a vernuable age, a point were you start being an adult but do not know how and still cling to being a kid. I might even make her a year younger to prove a point. She is not rebelious at all, she is very real. I hate when they put a smart @$$ kid into the movie just 'cause. I did this to rectify this problem.

 

[Green_Lantern43]

I really like ur take on Deadpool and I liked this out line alot, a little much in the third act but I still like it alot. My adaptation idea was alot more serious and violent. I mean I would have still had some of the goofy traditional deadpool stuff, but my version was taking the character and making him alot more serious and down to the nitty gritty. Also in my version I had began to think him out to be alot more brutal to his victims. I also had a diferent choice for the main villian too. Your's is also much truer to the comics mine had the same back story but the actual plot kind of ventured away from the comics into something a bit more original. My take was also alot more grisly in terms of the killing, and bad mouth that Deadpool has.

But keep up the good work I am excited to see ur script treatment on this character, I really like deadpool alot probably my favorite Marvel comic character ever. So keep up the good work, and if u need any suggestions just say so I might be able to help with that.

 

[LadyVader]

I agree with you about the Third Act. I am looking into that.

The Death thing is not only the catalist for Deadpool's psychosis, but is the reason why he cannot be controlled by The Purple Man. When he becomes hillusonated, he sees Death again as an illusion and snaps out of it because Death has already forsakend him so he knows this is not real. Plus, I did not want to dissrupt any of the Deadpool's mythos too much and I really like the idea that he meets death, or atleast in his own mind he dose.
Well, I guess the question is who is exactly is your target audience? If it's us comic book fans, then yes you have point. If it's Joe regular, then... I don't know, I guess I got so used to the way Hollywood does it, castrating all stories, when I hear about a comic book movie being made the first thing I think about is not what are they going to show, but rather what they're NOT gonna show. And always when I heard about a Deadpool movie, the first thing that came up to be left out is the Death love story.

Blind Al is a girl because it would be really weird if he did. How many SuperHeros do you know has a kidnapped girl chained up in his room?

An old lady would just make it unessisarily weird to the point of not beliving it.
Oh, and this story would not already be weird with him meeting death and all?

Also to quench your worry because I know I would be too, I did not make her 16 because I had to put a kid in there, unlike Superman Returns. *shivers* I made her that age beacuse it is a vernuable age, a point were you start being an adult but do not know how and still cling to being a kid. I might even make her a year younger to prove a point. She is not rebelious at all, she is very real. I hate when they put a smart @$$ kid into the movie just 'cause. I did this to rectify this problem.

The thing is if you have a kid in there, it's kinda like Leon only with a bigger death count. Been there, done that. We do not need to rehash ideas from old movie when the comic book idea is so much better.
I'm sorry if I'm pressing this but the thing about Al is that she had a past. She was a mysterious old lady who knew far too much and was practically fearless when she talked to Deadpool. The impression I always got is she did a lot of bad stuff in her younger years and part of the reason she stayed with Deadpool as long as she did is, I don't know... remorse, regret, self-flagelation? You just would not get that kind of depth to a character with a teenager. What kind of past would SHE have?

Hey, man it's your story. and I will still read it regardless.

 

[Sidepocket]

While I do agree with your point, there is already soo much going on that to give a character and extra extra bost of back story is just, I dunno, too much. People were barely able to flow the Matrix, and Reloaded proved that too much info can be deadly. Same with V for Vendetta, while people said it was castrated, it was for good reason. Having a reble is simple enough, going into the whole anarchy deal would have distroyed the movie by throwing it into confusion. I could list other examples, but that is just how I feel on it. I could bost her with a little bit more of a past though if that is what people want.

Another big problem is that most of the stuff that happens is like, normal to the people in the movie. Person that can telenitcly manipulate blood, time traviling weapons dealer, Deadpools insanity and mentioning the Spice Girls over and over again...all normal. Blind Al was kind of my excuse (along with Carl) to have a link to you and me, or the audince on how utterly abserd this whole thing is. Thats just me.

The thing about Death, the idea put forth is that its eather Death or that this is just in his head. Later on he meets "god" when he think he is dead, so basicaly it can be assumed that these are just delusions of his psychosis.

However, I have taken all of what you said into consideration, so on my Second Draft (wich I will be posting peices of) that I am working on I am keeping you in mind Vader. :meow:

 

[Sidepocket]

Update.

Busy with many things.

However on the script itself, it has been more refined. The people I spoke to at Marvel are interested (confused for a while but interested). They wanted a proof of concept that they could franchise it and I told them that I could write a full second movie if they double price. Right now they are agreeing.

Crazy stuff. Lots of work.

Will keep an update on what goes on. All I can say is that while I am not done with the second one and have refined the first one, the second one is IN-****ING-SANE.

Lots of work.

 

[Sidepocket]

Sorry for the triple post. I hope I am not violating some sort of rule.

Anyhow, like I said, sometimes I will put script samples up. Here is a short one. First draft from the second script that will be bundled together to make a few extra bucks:

WARNING -- LANGUAGE AHOY!!!


CUT TO:
Domino patrols the west corner like a cat on the prowl for the mouse that got away. Face all in wrinkles, she views through the sights of her SPAS-12 shotgun with laser sights pointed off screen, presumably at the group of Saudi Troops amassing at the outside of the target building.

Suddenly footsteps.

Domino quickly heaves her shotgun around and trains it on the shadowy target, we see a blue light emanating from the mouth.

Domino: Halt your ass, **** head!

The figure, now recognizable as Kaboom steps into the light. Domino has no idea of what to make of him, however, still keeps her game face on as she takes two steps back. Kaboom then jerks his head to the right, sniffing the air like a blood hound. He then takes a step forward, Domino loads a shell in, Kaboom continue to sniffing around the air until he sucks one big breath in, opening his blue putrid mouth.

Kaboom: There are only two things I smell off your hide, love. One is your reek of fear. Different from the fear that I am use to, the "****e in yo trousers" lot. No, this fear is the fear that comes from being the runt of the pack. The loser, feeling helpless while putting on a mask of bravery, just so she can not see the soft creamy center underneath. The other...

Kaboom take one last sniff.

Kaboom: ...is your *****. And it smells like fookin' Draino. (laughs) Do you *****e-

BLAM! Domino FIRES a round into Kaboom, OBLITERATING HIS ENTIRE RIGHT SHOULDER. Flesh, HANGING OFF BY SHREDS as he is flung back with the force of a Mike Tyson's punch!

.....


I have a feeling that Kaboom will be a fan favorite. How is he going to get out of this one? Well, I will leave that up to your imagination for now. Spoiling his power would spoil most of the fun!

You can try guessing though. Note: He does not have a healing factor...not in the normal sense that is.

 

[Sasso]

You actually got Marvel to be interested in your script? Wow. How did you pull that off?

Hmmm. That sounded like it could mean 'they liked your crap?'. It's not meant to sound like that at all, lol. I'm just impressed that you were able to get them to hear you out on the subject.

 

[Sidepocket]

You have to do lots and lots of dancing. And drinks. More dancing.

They also lose interest fast so I am kind of on a speed run right now.

The last thing that is worrisome for me is, it is one thing to buy a script. Its another if that script will ever get made and how many times it will be rewritten before it gets done.

That will be there problem.