Emotional Affairs

[AndThePickles]

I've heard my fair share of "cheating" talk on the internets, and when I saw this article on Yahoo's frontpage, I thought some of you all would be interested. Obviously, the article works the same in terms of switching the gender roles.

Dating Question: Are You Having an Emotional Affair?
An email here, a smile there. Maybe that 'innocent' friendship with your guy friend isn't so innocent after all...
By Heather Johnson Durocher for Redbook

Relationship alert: 82 percent of affairs happen with someone who was at first "just a friend," according to noted infidelity researcher Shirley P. Glass.
So... despite any obvious signs of cheating in your so-called friendship, ask yourself: Are you having an emotional affair?


You've Probably Crossed the Line if You...
1. Touch your male friend in "legal" ways, like picking lint off his blazer.
2. Pay extra attention to how you look before you see him.
3. Think crush-like thoughts like "He'd love this song!"
4. Tell him more details about your day than you do your partner.
5. No longer feel comfortable telling your mate about this person and begin to cover up your relationship.
6. Experience increasing sensual tension; you admit your attraction to him but also insist to yourself that you would never act on it.


It's About to Get Physical When You...
1. Find yourself feeling vulnerable and turn to the other man for support rather than to your mate or a trusted relative or girlfriend.
2. Accelerate the level of intimacy through sensual or suggestive talk over email or the phone.
3. Put yourself in a situation where the two of you could be alone.


You Can Avoid the Potential Affair if You...
1. Stay honest with your partner. Share with him all your hopes, triumphs, and failures -- as well as your attractions and temptations, which will help keep you from acting on them.
2. Make time for just the two of you on a regular basis -- away from the kids, your friends, and family.
3. Surround yourself with happy couples who don't believe in fooling around. Having positive, emotionally connected role models will help you stay on track.


Readers Reveal: "I Knew I'd Gone too Far When...""The guy who I was flirting with regularly over email attended the same event as me and my fiance. When I introduced them, my face flushed as red as a tomato -- I felt embarrassed and guilty about my fiance meeting this guy, so I knew what I was doing was wrong." -- Carolyn, 31, Westfield, NJ
"During one night of partying, my best guy friend and I confessed we had always liked each other. He was a perfect gentleman and left my place before we crossed the physical line. The next day I was completely embarrassed and knew that I didn't want to jeopardize the relationship with my boyfriend so I ended the friendship. And now the boyfriend is my husband, so I'm glad I did." -- Allie, 29, Yonkers, NY
"The cute tech guy who I'd been flirting with at my office said to me, 'You're not going to invite me in?' after I accepted a ride home from him. I liked the attention of him buying me vending machine snacks and complimenting me, but my husband would've had a heart attack if he knew." -- Amy, 38, Chicago
"My best guy friend and I were snuggled on his couch underneath a blanket when I realized that neither his girlfriend nor my boyfriend would be happy if they saw us -- and that our platonic relationship wasn't as platonic as we thought." -- Kim, 35, New Orleans
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...oYXZpbmctYW4tZW1vdGlvbmFsLWFmZmFpcgR6egNhYmM-

 

[Master Chief]

I can't tell if it's satirical or not. FriK!

 

[AndThePickles]

It's dead serious

 

[Master Chief]

ohSnAp I interpreted the statistic as the emotional affairs because "affair" was in quotations. Changes the tone entirely. My bad.

edit: n/m I'm seeing things now depersonalization sucks frik lOL.

 

[Nirvana]

Unfortunately, I've felt this way before while being in a relationship. I've never been past the "It's About to Get Physical When You..." part because by that point my girlfriend and I broke up over some other problems. I'd like to think I'm not capable of being in a physical affair, but sometimes the mind wanders even when it doesn't intend to.

 

[Catman]

This reminds me of something I heard on the radio a couple of months ago. They were talking about what they called "office spouse". In other words...those people at work that your relationship with is similar to your partner but without the sex. It's funny cause it's true. There's always that person at work that if your partner found out about he or she will get mad even though you haven't actually cheated. I'm sure Terry78 will entertain us with stories.

 

[StrainedEyes]

"The cute tech guy who I'd been flirting with at my office said to me, 'You're not going to invite me in?' after I accepted a ride home from him. I liked the attention of him buying me vending machine snacks and complimenting me, but my husband would've had a heart attack if he knew." -- Amy, 38, Chicago

I should try the vending machine approach.

 

[Catman]

I should try the vending machine approach.

I've done it and it works. Another thing that works is on a busy day saying, "I know you have a lot of work to do, so I'll take care of lunch."

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

You know, I never mess around when it comes to my feelings about a guy I have a crush on. Of course the fact that he's married does present a certain road block for me. But I'm not a naive little child and despite how he feels, if he feels anything for me, I just have to think of what any sort of affair would do to all of our psyches. And I do know that right now even an emotional affair would just do too much damage.

 

[AndThePickles]

Unfortunately, I've felt this way before while being in a relationship. I've never been past the "It's About to Get Physical When You..." part because by that point my girlfriend and I broke up over some other problems. I'd like to think I'm not capable of being in a physical affair, but sometimes the mind wanders even when it doesn't intend to.

There's a difference between say, mind wandering and noticing a hot girl on the street vs developing feelings for someone else, though. I'm assuming you meant wandering emotionally?

 

[Erzengel]

So if picking off lint off someone wrong, what is tucking a girl's label back into the back of her bra strap?

 

[Ahura Mazda]

Hmm I think that is not the same thing if you are a guy.

 

[AndThePickles]

Hmm I think that is not the same thing if you are a guy.

Please elaborate. I think that men are just as capable of emotionally cheating.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

Yes they are but I am not sure all the indicators above would apply for most guys whereas they do apply for most women. I, for example, have commented on clothes worn by my female colleagues before but I would never adjust their clothing even if I was sleeping with them. Te one I do find very relavant for both cases is:

No longer feel comfortable telling your mate about this person and begin to cover up your relationship

 

[Spidey-Bat]

"The cute tech guy who I'd been flirting with at my office said to me, 'You're not going to invite me in?' after I accepted a ride home from him. I liked the attention of him buying me vending machine snacks and complimenting me, but my husband would've had a heart attack if he knew." -- Amy, 38, Chicago

I should try the vending machine approach.

She should have invited him up and had a threesome.

 

[Nirvana]

There's a difference between say, mind wandering and noticing a hot girl on the street vs developing feelings for someone else, though. I'm assuming you meant wandering emotionally?

No, I guess I didn't word it properly. When I started my first job I started to develop feelings for a co-worker of mine while I was still in a relationship. I never did anything about it, because I knew that would just cause trouble, but i did feel bad about feeling the way I did. I did find myself thinking of her a lot, so I guess in a way I was wandering emotionally? Even when my girlfriend and I broke up I still didn't go after the girl I was developing feelings for. At first you're in denial about possibly having feelings for someone else, but once you do realize that you might have them it does make you feel like an ass.

 

[The Guard]

This is ridiculous. So essentially, an emotional affair is being faithful to your partner, despite the fact that you have feelings for another person?

 

[Danalys]

This is ridiculous. So essentially, an emotional affair is being faithful to your partner, despite the fact that you have feelings for another person?

good point. see i'd never cheat or help someone cheat knowingly. but you can find yourself slipping into emotional affairs or being a person some one will have an emotional affair with. and it's still not a good thing. i mean someones feelings is what it's all about really at the end of the day.

 

[Lighthouse]

I really hate the way movies deal with subjects like this. They never really see it from the perspective of the guy or girl who gets dumped because of this crap.

 

[AndThePickles]

Yes they are but I am not sure all the indicators above would apply for most guys whereas they do apply for most women. I, for example, have commented on clothes worn by my female colleagues before but I would never adjust their clothing even if I was sleeping with them. Te one I do find very relavant for both cases is:

Haha, I didn't think about it like that. I guess I moreso generalized it in my head as crossing a "touch" boundary.

This is ridiculous. So essentially, an emotional affair is being faithful to your partner, despite the fact that you have feelings for another person?

What makes you think that? To me, the point of this article was that you were NOT being faithful to your partner by doing these things and that it was crossing the line.

 

[The Guard]

Seems to me that what is "crossing the line" should be between you and your partner, not dictated by a magazine.

What makes me think that it's ridiculous? The fact that it is apparently perceived that if a human being acts like a human being that they're automatically on the road to being unfaithful.

1. Touch your male friend in "legal" ways, like picking lint off his blazer.

You're kidding, right? Maybe it's because I'm a theatre person, but it is completely acceptable in our society (at least where I come from), especially if you're a woman, to pick lint off things. It's almost an expected social action.

2. Pay extra attention to how you look before you see him.

This is called caring about your appearance because you want to make a good impression. I don't know anyone who doesn't "gussy up" for their friends. Now, if the article is talking about "I want to look hot so they'll want to jump me", that's something else entirely. But simply paying extra attention to how you look? Uh...no. That is not an indicator of an impending affair.

3. Think crush-like thoughts like "He'd love this song!"

How is that inherently "crush like"? Maybe you just know your friend very well. Now, if you're thinking "Boy, this song would make him want to jump me"...

4. Tell him more details about your day than you do your partner.

What if your partner isn't available to speak to, and doesn't ask for details about your day, or doesn't care, or is tired, or any number of things?

Since when did that constitute being unfaithful?

5. No longer feel comfortable telling your mate about this person and begin to cover up your relationship.

Hmm...wonder why someone wouldn't feel comfortable telling your mate about...oh, because apparently it's a crime to be close to anyone other than them. Way to go, Society. Ownership strikes again.

6. Experience increasing sensual tension; you admit your attraction to him but also insist to yourself that you would never act on it.

This is called sexual tension. It can exist between friends, enemies, and complete strangers. Admitting you are attracted to someone is called "being attracted to someone". It is, based on my experience, incredibly naive to believe that you will never be attracted to anyone other than your partner.

But apparently being attracted to someone who you want to sleep with and be with other than your spouse is now called an "emotional affair" instead of a "****** relationship". Apparently cheating now has levels to it. What the hell, does that term make people feel better about crushing on someone who isn't their spouse? Who the hell came up with this nonsense?

What the article seems to be driving it is "This is how you know you're about to sleep with someone, and to have an affair". Calling it an emotional affair and categorizing feelings of attractions seems rather pointless to me.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I've done it and it works. Another thing that works is on a busy day saying, "I know you have a lot of work to do, so I'll take care of lunch."

I've thought about doing that.

I work right next to the customer service desk at the mall, and there's a vending machine right next to it. I've always thought about just randomly buying some candy for the hot girl at the customer service desk.

 

[Catman]

I've thought about doing that.

I work right next to the customer service desk at the mall, and there's a vending machine right next to it. I've always thought about just randomly buying some candy for the hot girl at the customer service desk.

Do it

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Do it

If it backfires in my face I'm gonna punch you.

 

[SuperFerret]

Just get some for yourself and while you're at it ask her "Would you like something?" and start up a conversation that way.