Best Friend of the Opposite Sex: Can It Be 100% Platonic?

[Lackey]

The only way the members of a couple can live their lives free of any and all temptation to cheat(physically, emotionally, etc) is if they never left the house, had no computer, and stapled their eyes shut. That's how you end up sayin' **** like "My b/f or g/f is my best friend and the only friend I'll ever need". :gag:

I'm an advocate for people going out and living their lives; whether in a committed relationship our not, and not cheating. I think it's easy, not speaking for anybody else. I assumed the that was implied.

it's not about cheating, it's about having a 100% platonic relationship. Just because you got a SO you're completely committed to while at the same time you have an opposite sex best friend and you never ever cheat on your SO with your best friend... that doesn't mean the relationship between you and your best friend was 100% platonic.

 

[AndThePickles]

That does bring up an interesting point. Just because you never cheat doesn't mean you don't have un-platonic feelings towards the person. Also, it is VERY possible that the best friend in the situation doesn't feel platonically, but would never act on it unless encouraged.

Look at all the drama you see on this very site in the relationship thread..."I'm in love with my best friend and have been obsessed with them for years. I have never told them. What should I do?"

 

[CrashNburn]

That does bring up an interesting point. Just because you never cheat doesn't mean you don't have un-platonic feelings towards the person. Also, it is VERY possible that the best friend in the situation doesn't feel platonically, but would never act on it unless encouraged.

Look at all the drama you see on this very site in the relationship thread..."I'm in love with my best friend and have been obsessed with them for years. I have never told them. What should I do?"

This is basically what I was trying to say. People say they can be platonic but thats only based on the fact that they havent done anything yet....or at all. It doesnt mean that one or the other doesnt have feelings.

So I absolutely agree.

 

[AndThePickles]

Those kinds of friendships aren't healthy at all, IMO. I think that often either the committed person is in denial that their friend wants them sexually/romantically, or the friend is in denial that it will never be anything more than friends.

To say that NO friendship can ever be 100% platonic seems extreme, though.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Buncha telepaths up in here

 

[AndThePickles]

Not telepathic, just having observed many life situations, both my own and others.

In those friendships, there are often warning signs that one party chooses to ignore. Or one party may just choose to ignore their OWN feelings. I'm not saying that occurs in every friendship, though.

 

[CrashNburn]

A clear warning sign is everyone around those two people easily noticing it before the friend and friendee....which always seems to be the case.

 

[AndThePickles]

Agreed. When another friend starts warning you, "Hey, this person wants you," or "hey, this person is CONSTANTLY hitting you up, isn't that kind of strange?" that's usually something you should listen to.

 

[Bboy]

I still think it's possible..

 

[AndThePickles]

I still think it's possible..

I think that even purely judging off of the odds of LIFE, of course it's possible

I do think that there are also a lot of seemingly platonic friendships out there that aren't actually 100% so, however.

 

[Bboy]

Yeah for sure.

 

[Danalys]

i think the point was nailed ages ago unless you've known this person from a young age where by you'll not be interested in them most likely because of biological imperative to stop inbreeding (there's a name for this that i can't remember), then if this person is awesome enough for you to consider them your best friend and they are the sex you are attracted too, then your probably not going to have 100% platonic feelings for them. in the case where one parties feelings aren't reciprocated then they're probably not the other parties actual best friend.

edit: searched and it's called the Westermarck effect.

 

[Texas Zombie]

I guess it can be 100% platonic, that is unless you drink tequila together.

 

[piccolo]

Best friend of 11 years is a girl. Helps when there's no attraction. We basically see each other as siblings.

Were together basically 24/7 in high school, everyone thought we were dating. Never even got close. And every girl I dated in h.s. hated her guts, and really had no reason to.

I have a bunch of other really close 'platonic friends' that i'm attracted to, and its gone further with every one of them on one level or another.

 

[Clerk]

My best friend of the opposite sex and I were platonic.... for 1.5 years then we got down to business time, and now we don't talk to each other anymore. So I vote no.

Cause you know when I'm down to my socks, you know what time it is....

 

[Lantern Venom]

A clear warning sign is everyone around those two people easily noticing it before the friend and friendee....which always seems to be the case.

You are right but there is another side to this. Sometimes people see a guy and a girl together much of the time and naturally assume it is a romantic relationship. That comes to mind more easily than a platonic one. Sometimes "signs" and "cues" are misinterpreted.

 

[knowsbleed]

Can two best friends of the opposite sex have a 100% platonic relationship?

nope

 

[CrashNburn]

They can only have platonic sex! t:

 

[ImWithTeamConan]

I think it's possible, as long as you think your best friend isn't attractive looking.

Cause IMO if you think for a second like "hmm...he/she looks pretty fine today" then it's game over from there, to steal a line from How I Met Your Mother: you're on the hook.

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

Yes it can. One of my best friends is female and we have ALOT in common, in terms of loving movies, comics and all that stuff.

 

[Lantern Venom]

I think it's possible, as long as you think your best friend isn't attractive looking.

Cause IMO if you think for a second like "hmm...he/she looks pretty fine today" then it's game over from there, to steal a line from How I Met Your Mother: you're on the hook.

That goes right back to the maturity issue. Both parties have to be able to put rational decision making over sexual urge. That isn't easy.

 

[Poetic Chaos]

Only if one of the parties is ugly.

 

[Logan's Lady]

It is possible, definately.

 

[knowsbleed]

Only if one of the parties is ugly.

This ^

close thread.

 

[Suirou]

I think it's possible.
I have plently of friends who are girls and they are also attractive, we only see each other as friends.
There have been quite a bunch of people who would as me and one of my girl/friend why we wouldn't date since we would make quite a cute couple. To be honest, we just looked at each other with disgust and say in unison that we just cannot see each other dating or even married if that matters.
So It is indeed possible for heterogender friendships to be 100% platonic.