Feed

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Here to warn you.

I'm addicted to magazines. I read (red) several reviews of the movie "Feed" that got me excited,...stimulated my imagination and gave me a semi.
I can't say that I blame the reviewers because I don't know if they were huffing "Model Airplane Glue", or "Dannon Yogurt" or what.
The big "hook" is that it's supposed to be "One of the sickest films I've ever seen." - Fangoria.

erm......bull-honkey.

I swear that reviewer had just recited a litany of "Hail Mary"'s with his Gramms or something because there is NO way it was shocking or "un-jading" for a fan of the genre.



I hate that I have to say that it sucked, because it showed skull-cracking promise and had so many admirable elements...and, it didn't "suck" in the same way that homosexuals say "Hostel" sucked!...

But ultimately, the Lame-Ass licensed Pop-Songs made important scenes look like 80's/90's Rock Videos,

the Lecter-Wannabe "almost-actor" - Antagonist provided ZERO senses of threat or revulsion, (He kind of reminded me of the guy on that math-PBS show "Square One".)

the fat-suit looked pretty phony during crucial parts and......the movie really just looked like a precocious highschool senior's best effort......if his uncle had been pals with some out-of-work, desperate Australian actors and actresses.



To sum it up, "Feed" turned me on, but only because I'm more perverted than you are.
As a "film", it really saddened me because there were a few moments where I was,like: "Huh-Ho-Lee Wha?!?.....that is inTENSE!!! F00kin' Christ!"
( and I'm not talking about SMBD-stuff, I'm talking about editing, pacing, story, acting, lighting, set design, etc. )

But sadly,...there were just, too many "Erm!, this is the sexiest episode of "Sliders" I've ever SEEN!!!" - type sections.



the "Feeder"...I was really forgiving, but a third of the way in?...no way.
He didn't have the chops to freak me out. I could kick that guy's ass. He looked like a walking broom......and TALKED like one!

PLUS, DVD-wise....they didn't include an interview with THE ****ING FAT CHICK!

They showed her getting mummified in latex and foam, in the "behind-the-scenes,... but I wanted to hear her thoughts on her gross-ass character.




ILHELM gives "FEED".........6.974/10.


Please buy "Feed" on DVD because Will Smith had nothing to do with the production.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

But sadly,...there were just, too many "Erm!, this is the sexiest episode of "Sliders" I've ever SEEN!!!" - type sections.

LAwl.
so any time I see or hear a reference to sliders I can't help but to think of that whispery, breathy voice they used in the insterstitials "SLIIIIIDERS"
and the ladies are going to be down when they find out I'm a homosexual
since I think that Hostel sucked.

Nay I think Hostel IS "teh suck" I just think movies have gotten all "let's watch people scream and suffer with grainy filters for 2 hours"
at least "nightbreed" had a sense of humor.
I don't know, I rented "Feed" and "Feast" (ho,ho! a see a theme developing) alas neither movie struick my fancy and I have seen my tastes shift away from gore since about after Event Horizon. the last horror movie I "enjoyed".

I just thought Feed was overall bad/pretentious bull****.
but then again, some Hardcore fan will step in any second and correct me on my lack of awesomeness.

<---- me renting the movies
<---- me watching the movies
<---- me after watching the movies.

<--- this is a ninja.