Fiance Parent Issue... HELP!!!

[Malice]

Back to the issue at hand, his problem.

How do you feel ab out that potential-in-laws aside from those views?

 

[C. Lee]

It would be best to avoid her parents and family altogether....even if you visit and try to ignore their opinions...it will work it's way into the conversation eventually and lead to a fight.

 

[Erzengel]

There is the perverbial "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" these potential in-laws raised your fiance. There may/should be a lot of nuances, habits, traits that have been inheriently learned by her.

 

[JokerNick]

JokerNick, I understand what you're going thru. I have similar issues with my in laws. You're just going to have to find some common ground that you can speak about, and be open and honest with your fiance. Like it or not you inherit her family, and things like this don't go away.

we don't have common ground.... that's the thing

I've tried, o lord have I tried, to be his friend, I ask him how works going... and he gives me a short answer and never swings the question back at me.... we both like the same football team, but he likes players I don't.... he's into camping and fishing.... I'm into snowboarding, and water sports (jet skiing, wake boarding), he thinks those are a waste of time..... I come over, and theirs pics of my Fiances old boyfriend hanging in their house.. pics of her dad and him together.... dude just doesn't like me... her old BF was some big fat power lifter.... where I'm an ex AAA baseball player.. we are nothing alike.... it sucks... he doesn't give me a chance, he brings up issues that he knows I disagree with him on.. and I got to deal with looking at pics of this fat disgusting guy, when I go over there.......

 

[Malice]

would you feel that way if you were jewish, living in Germany during that time....??

Um
I would feel the same way, the lunatic needed to die.

I have sides of the coin...rebuilding the country..
A great deed...

Then of course the holocaust.

Does noone understand that I am not endorsing Hitler? The guy in the end was a lunatic with severe problems and the world is a better place for him dieing.

I simply am stating, the guy at the time, helped requilt the country and was a great speaker for his time. That is not saying I love him....

 

[JokerNick]

Back to the issue at hand, his problem.

How do you feel ab out that potential-in-laws aside from those views?

I think my fiances sister is awesome... and their mom is okay.. she's level headed for the most part (except when she met my mom an gave her the cold shoulder (no idea, I think they dislike anypeople that make more money then them))

 

[JokerNick]

Um
I would feel the same way, the lunatic needed to die.

I have sides of the coin...rebuilding the country..
A great deed...

Then of course the holocaust.

Does noone understand that I am not endorsing Hitler? The guy in the end was a lunatic with severe problems and the world is a better place for him dieing.

I simply am stating, the guy at the time, helped requilt the country and was a great speaker for his time. That is not saying I love him....

I just think those are moot points..... but I understand your opinion... agree to disagree.....

 

[Joker]

I just think those are mute points..... but I understand your opinion... agree to disagree.....

moot, not mute

 

[JLBats]

Um
I would feel the same way, the lunatic needed to die.

I have sides of the coin...rebuilding the country..
A great deed...

Then of course the holocaust.

Does noone understand that I am not endorsing Hitler? The guy in the end was a lunatic with severe problems and the world is a better place for him dieing.

I simply am stating, the guy at the time, helped requilt the country and was a great speaker for his time. That is not saying I love him....

I think the problem is that you claimed the good actions justified the museum. If you had just stated these things without that, no one would have percieved it as you endorsing him. However, when you used these things as justification for the museum, it made it feel like you somehow felt these things "redeemed" him, rather than being the silver lining on a very, very dark cloud.

 

[JokerNick]

moot, not mute

lol... typing fast.... sorry

 

[roach]

I think you need to have a man to man discussion with her dad. Talk about your issues and get him to talk about his issues with you. In the end if you guys get married then you need to maintain a civil relationship with your potential father in law.

 

[November Rain]

as for the hitler museum, I don't think it's as bad as you think, Hitler was actually a decent leader although delusional and he did do some decent things for germany and the world (modern day olympics, ze vw beetle you crazy yanks love so much) that many people forget. I would rather not see him as a total evil animal rather just a misguided misinformed individual who's influence over other people probably ended up fooling himself into believing he was doing the right thing but was luckily stopped.

so lets say, your jewish, and about to be killed by this man's army.... are you going to sit there and be like "well, I'm going to be killed for no fault of my own, but atleast my murderior influenced global sporting events, and increased propduction on the VW bug... so I guess I gotta take the good with the bad..... gas me up there Hitler"

Not sympathising but this is how i see it.

a deer get clipped and killed by an ambulance. the deer doesn't realise the ambulance is off to save someone's life, all it sees is its existence and how it's all going to be horribly ended.

the driver of the ambulance has bigger fish to fry in order to save this person's life so although this deer hitting is unfortunate, her main concerns are with getting her patient to a hospital, so the deer's life is expendable.


i know it sounds cold but history is often reflected in the eyes of those who write it and their view points of a certain event. i know what hitlet was doing can't be forgiven but it doesn't mean that his exploits as a leader or a motivator should be tarnished. those two things are the only thing i know he brought, i'm not aware of others but i'm sure there may be more.

besides, there isn't any leader in history that hasn't come under any kinda controversy in their lives. Heck the lord almighty wiped out the whole planet with a flood (very) simply because he wasn't happy with us if you're a bible believer.


i guess my standpoint is from my nature, i tend to always try and see both sides to any coin, no matter how bleak the 'good' may be or insignificant the 'bad' is. pros and cons, yadda yadda yadda...generally means i can pick any side of the fence i wish in a convo which makes it more interesting than just agreeing with the masses. sue me...

:

 

[Joker]

I would go to a hitler museum if there was like...games there. Like, a shooting range where you got to shoot Hitler. Or a "kick Hitler in the nuts" game of some sort...

 

[AndThePickles]

we don't have common ground.... that's the thing

I've tried, o lord have I tried, to be his friend, I ask him how works going... and he gives me a short answer and never swings the question back at me.... we both like the same football team, but he likes players I don't.... he's into camping and fishing.... I'm into snowboarding, and water sports (jet skiing, wake boarding), he thinks those are a waste of time..... I come over, and theirs pics of my Fiances old boyfriend hanging in their house.. pics of her dad and him together.... dude just doesn't like me... her old BF was some big fat power lifter.... where I'm an ex AAA baseball player.. we are nothing alike.... it sucks... he doesn't give me a chance, he brings up issues that he knows I disagree with him on.. and I got to deal with looking at pics of this fat disgusting guy, when I go over there.......

That sounds to me like he just really wanted her to marry her ex-boyfriend, and so he doesn't like the fact that you're with her instead

 

[Malice]

I think the problem is that you claimed the good actions justified the museum. If you had just stated these things without that, no one would have percieved it as you endorsing him. However, when you used these things as justification for the museum, it made it feel like you somehow felt these things "redeemed" him, rather than being the silver lining on a very, very dark cloud.

O dear god no.
I would never endorse a museum. I actually find that pure lunacy.

I am just stating to people understand history is all.
Learn all angles of this evil man.

 

[NHawk19]

Well lets go this route . . . I usually do

Just be nice and sit quietly and say very little. Feed them back the same quality responses they give you. Then they come to your house do whatever you want. Eventually something will come up be it work on the house or sports, or something.

Realize you dont have to like what they say or there opinions but out of respect for your fiance you should atleast listen. Maybe she can shed some light as to why they are the way they are.

 

[November Rain]

Um
I would feel the same way, the lunatic needed to die.

I have sides of the coin...rebuilding the country..
A great deed...

Then of course the holocaust.

Does noone understand that I am not endorsing Hitler? The guy in the end was a lunatic with severe problems and the world is a better place for him dieing.

I simply am stating, the guy at the time, helped requilt the country and was a great speaker for his time. That is not saying I love him....

I get ya malice,

an equal equivalent would be taking any 'good' person in history and attaching scandal to them (which for some reason they manage to get away with doing).

it's just looking at the whole pic, I think we may be kinda similar in that perspective.

 

[Erzengel]

Actually his fiance should have asked her family to remove the pictures of her ex as a show of curteosy and respect for her current one.

 

[jaguarr]

That sounds to me like he just really wanted her to marry her ex-boyfriend, and so he doesn't like the fact that you're with her instead

I got the same feeling after reading that post of JokerNick's. Based on that Nick, I'd really recommend talking with your fiance' about this very specifically. Point out that there are still all these pictures of her ex in her parents house, particularly ones with him and her dad. Tell her that you get the very distinct feeling that her dad wanted her to marry this other guy and not you and is doing things to push you away and not have to accept you and that it gives you cause for concern that it might affect your relationship with her. Open and honest communication with your wife to be that will keep you united and on the same page is going to be your only real ally, here.

jag

 

[roach]

Not sympathising but this is how i see it.

a deer get clipped and killed by an ambulance. the deer doesn't realise the ambulance is off to save someone's life, all it sees is its existence and how it's all going to be horribly ended.

the driver of the ambulance has bigger fish to fry in order to save this person's life so although this deer hitting is unfortunate, her main concerns are with getting her patient to a hospital, so the deer's life is expendable.

i know it sounds cold but history is often reflected in the eyes of those who write it and their view points of a certain event. i know what hitlet was doing can't be forgiven but it doesn't mean that his exploits as a leader or a motivator should be tarnished. those two things are the only thing i know he brought, i'm not aware of others but i'm sure there may be more.
besides, there isn't any leader in history that hasn't come under any kinda controversy in their lives. Heck the lord almighty wiped out the whole planet with a flood (very) simply because he wasn't happy with us if you're a bible believer.


i guess my standpoint is from my nature, i tend to always try and see both sides to any coin, no matter how bleak the 'good' may be or insignificant the 'bad' is. pros and cons, yadda yadda yadda...generally means i can pick any side of the fence i wish in a convo which makes it more interesting than just agreeing with the masses. sue me...

:

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can you equate the Holocaust with someone hitting a deer???????
It doesnt matter what small good deeds the man did. He destroyed millions of lives. How about before you start singing the virtues of Hitler you take a trip to Washington DC and visit the Holocaust Museum.

 

[JokerNick]

Well lets go this route . . . I usually do

Just be nice and sit quietly and say very little. Feed them back the same quality responses they give you. Then they come to your house do whatever you want. Eventually something will come up be it work on the house or sports, or something.

Realize you dont have to like what they say or there opinions but out of respect for your fiance you should atleast listen. Maybe she can shed some light as to why they are the way they are.

there's other things too that bug me about them...

1) they didn't help get my fiance get a car... she lived on her own (while in college), she was expected to "bum" rides to school and work... that's what they wanted... she had to walk to work most of the time (in the snow, minus 10 degree winters), while they bought her younger sister a new car.....

2) they went with my fiances' ex boyfriend, and his family, on vaction to the bahamas. while my fiance was left at home, she was never asked (this was before me and her dated)..

3) they never help her out... she had trouble getting car insurance (after I bought her a car), so she asked her dad if he cold put her on her policy, would have saved her over a thosand dollars... he said NO... and stated some lie to get out of it (saying she's uninsurable, but I found her insurace the day after)

4) they take and take and take, and never give back... she got literaly nothing for her b-day... but they expected us to take them out to dinner

5) i was invited to go camping, but her dad wouldn't utter more then 5 words to me at a time... and this is after I tried starting convo's with him (how's work, how's the house, hows the dog. etc....)

6) got invited over to their house for a big family thanksgiving, brought 4 bottles of expensive wine, not even a thank you...

7)cold shoulder to my mom.... my mom is the sweetest woman I know.. very giving, never asks for anything in return... she approached my fiances mom, "hi, I'm Pam, Nick's mom, it's really nice to finally meet you" and all my fiances mom said was "hi" and walked away..... that pissed me off alot

 

[Lurk]

Why does your fiance even have contact with her parents anymore? They sound like self-righteous a-holes.

 

[roach]

there's other things too that bug me about them...

1) they didn't help get my fiance get a car... she lived on her own (while in college), she was expected to "bum" rides to school and work... that's what they wanted... she had to walk to work most of the time (in the snow, minus 10 degree winters), while they bought her younger sister a new car.....

2) they went with my fiances' ex boyfriend, and his family, on vaction to the bahamas. while my fiance was left at home, she was never asked (this was before me and her dated)..

3) they never help her out... she had trouble getting car insurance (after I bought her a car), so she asked her dad if he cold put her on her policy, would have saved her over a thosand dollars... he said NO... and stated some lie to get out of it (saying she's uninsurable, but I found her insurace the day after)

4) they take and take and take, and never give back... she got literaly nothing for her b-day... but they expected us to take them out to dinner

5) i was invited to go camping, but her dad wouldn't utter more then 5 words to me at a time... and this is after I tried starting convo's with him (how's work, how's the house, hows the dog. etc....)

6) got invited over to their house for a big family thanksgiving, brought 4 bottles of expensive wine, not even a thank you...

it might be time for you and her to cut them loose

 

[Avalanche]

okay, my Fiance's dad, I can't stand the man anymore.... a month ago, we were over there... and we got into a discussion about politics...... well it was me (moderately to the left) against him and his relatives (no idea where they stand, Bush lovers (puke), and Nazi sympothizers)... we got into it about Hitler.... it started off because some guy in my state, was building a Hitler appreciation museum.... I said that the museum is first off, disrespectful to any Jewish, and WW2 veterans.... and that a museum idolizing Hitler, would attract nothing but skin heads....... they disagreed with me, saying Hitler was a great leader and a good man.. that we are brainwashed to think otherwise.... I couldn't beleive what I was hearing.... they then said that the holocaust never happened, and that the number of deaths was wrong becuase there wasn't even that many Jews alive at that time..... and also, that a mass extermanation like that, wasn't possible back then, there wasn't the technology to do that.....

i was shocked... I counter attacked there "extermination theory" with the A-Bomb... technology, please, we killed millions in Japan with one bomb, don't give me that crap....

I was just about to go off on them, when I realized, this isn't my house, this is my fiances family... so I just bit the bullet, and said "i'm sorry you think that, but we will have to a agree to disagree"

I'm honestly ashamed of these people, I want nothing to do with them.. I told my fiance that I think her father is very misinformed,. and they way he presents that is scary..... I told her I want as little to do with them as possible... she understood... I know though, that my seperation with them will not last forever... my girl will most likely visit them many times in the following months and I will be presured to come along... so my question is... should I bite the bullet again, and go with her,... or should I not visit them.. tell my fiance, I want nothing more to do with them.. when she visits, I will not go.... I honeslty want nothing to do with them, but I'm afraid it will hinder our future together......

If he tries to bring up politics tell him you'd rather not discuss it with him.

 

[Malice]

Joker this is what I see....

1st
DONT let her parents ruin the life you can live with her.

2nd
Your Finacee' has a life with them, then you should have a life with them. That does not mean you are going to love them and hug them. You can at least be civil, and just go from there.

3rd
Regardless of their past endeavors, how you deal with her parents, really depends on your Fiancee's relationship.