Hatter (DC Comics): Batman & Robin*

[Abishai100]

Here's a fun Christmas Eve DC fanfiction about an offbeat Batman and Robin, two teachers at UCLA, dealing with a new Gotham menace named the Mad Hatter. Happy Holidays (and enjoy!),




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Robin, a young UCLA student of literature and psychology, decided to become a masked super-vigilante in Gotham City, wielding offbeat weapons like night-sticks, rope-guns, and electric boomerangs against urban hoodlums and loitering brutes. Robin wanted to clean up Gotham and make it more like a haven for modern pedestrians. However, Robin felt like she was somewhat all alone in this modern crime-fighting crusade!



Fortunately, Robin was soon joined by another UCLA teacher, a math professor named Bruce. Bruce liked his job as a professional mathematician, but his perceptions of the growing crime in Gotham City made him feel like his schizophrenia was going out of proportion. Bruce decided to tailor himself his own super-vigilante costume and called himself Batman. As Batman, Bruce would intervene in the city of Gotham with offbeat weapons, not unlike Robin, such as metal hooks and tranquilizer darts. Batman decided to team up with Robin after reading of her super-exploits against the venomous Gotham gang known as Red Hood. Batman was officially the ally of Robin!



Now, Batman and Robin had to team up seriously to deal with Gotham's new menace, a storybook inspired madman named Mad Hatter. The Hatter liked using logic paradoxes to create criminal insanity in Gotham. It was up to Batman and Robin now to deal with this modern evildoer. They realized the Hatter was a symbol or Golem of neo-classical darkness, a real messenger of the 'aesthetics' of crime and insanity. Hatter liked using the idea of anarchy to create forms of antisocial rebelliousness such as supermarket terrorism!



BATMAN: Gotham's innocence must be maintained!
ROBIN: We have to defend the yearning for sanity.
HATTER: You two are naive idealists doomed to your own imaginations.

BATMAN: You're a hearty cynic but also a typical terrorist, Hatter!
ROBIN: We're going to end your brand of modern urban darkness.
HATTER: No one can stop me, because what I bring is the reality of hell.

BATMAN: You advocate rebelliousness, because you're deficient in duty!
ROBIN: Your sense of duty is as adverse as your sense of spirituality.
HATTER: I wear big hats and bow-ties and wield guns to destroy mankind.

BATMAN: It seems to us, Hatter, that your message is only one of darkness!
ROBIN: Yeah, why is it that your methods of crime only stimulate devilishness?
HATTER: The Devil and his brigade are undervalued for their contributions to the mind.

BATMAN: There's nothing 'beautiful' about the ugliness of crime, Hatter!
ROBIN: Gotham has to be a haven for the elderly and youth someday.
HATTER: We're going to turn Gotham into a playground for devils.

BATMAN: Sadly, your obsession with vanity will be your catch-phrase!
ROBIN: Yeah, your insistence on promoting vain lust is a sign of modern delusion.
HATTER: We'll see if the kind of temptation I offer will truly subside in this dark city.

BATMAN: Whether or not you're martyrized will not affect the fate of diplomacy!
ROBIN: Criminal insanity will never undue the social demand for real democracy.
HATTER: I still doubt two masked fairies like you will be able to undo Gotham depression.

BATMAN: We'll see!
ROBIN: We'll see.
HATTER: We'll see.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

 

[Abishai100]

Alice

Here's a cool Saturday night addendum about the muse and mistress of the evil Mad Hatter, the equally diagonal Alice.



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Alice Journal Entry (Gotham City):

"Here's the thing. I met Jervis (the Mad Hatter) when I was a lowly young secretary at a law firm in Gotham. He was impressed by my innocence for some reason I think, and I found his eccentric curiosity about logic games rather attractive though odd. When Jervis became the costumed Mad Hatter, I couldn't resist him, and maybe he managed to seduce me with his strange quality of appearance and tricks. I decided to become his Alice in Wonderland for my special Mad Hatter. I was his special doll to his mad logician.

It was Jervis who told me about the dark mystique of Gotham City. I know my beau is being stalked by those two idealistic vigilante crusaders Batman and Robin, but I also know the Hatter won't simply back down from a mind fight or a city tangle, even against costumed maurauders with real heart like Batman and Robin. It was Jervis (Mad Hatter) who told me about the odd eccentricity of Gotham. It was from Jervis I learned about the strange and magical features of crime and rebelliousness in the American city.

You see, Gotham has its own peculiar flavors of darkness and mystique. There're forms of subversion and everyday street vandalism. Then, there are the higher-brow masterminds of crime like Penguin and Poison Ivy. I think Jervis (Mad Hatter) has added a special face to this urban landscape of hell. The Mad Hatter confounds his victims and enemies with strange tricks and mind logic designed to frustrate the soul. Only Batman and Robin can take on my Mad Hatter.

In my past life, I was a quiet and subdued secretary. Now, I'm the Alice in Wonderland for my special Mad Hatter. He's the spice in my tea. I asked Mad Hatter about a cool combination of criminal elements in the Gotham City we live in, and he created a recipe concoction of a bank robbing team, a scandalous woman, a toxic waste avenger, a mafia psychopath, a steroids brute, and a truly corrupt policeman named Stryker. Yes, it was the formulations of the eccentric genius Mad Hatter that led me to the path of Gotham darkness, and I doubt even Batman and Robin can undo what's been done in my special diary."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

 

[Abishai100]

The Texas CD


Here's one more addendum about Alice/Hatter traveling to the dark state of Texas and engaging with a dollar rival named Red Hood!



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In the US state of Texas, Alice and the Hatter invaded to terrorize the producers of the new TV program featuring the season experiences of the iconic popular Dallas Cowboys (NFL) cheerleaders. Alice/Hatter knew the Cowboys cheerleaders had become symbolic of modern media, and they wanted to create modern anti-media terrorism and fright. However, there was another presence in Texas at the time also thinking anti-cheerleader rhetoric in Dallas!



That other presence was the venomous Red Hood Gang, a team of masked bank robbers who're robbing banks all over Texas and then leaving blasphemous messages about Texan TV and Cowboys cheerleaders fashions. The Red Hood Gang wanted people to feel cynical about media and sports entertainment and consumerism and used bank robbery to degrade the marketing of the Cowboys cheerleaders fashions on Texas television!



RED HOOD GANG: "We despise those colored Cowboys cheerleaders and their toast to sports today!"



However, Alice/Hatter didn't intend to be outshined in this new market of anti-media terrorism by this venomous Red Hood Gang. After all, they wanted to take back to Gotham some trophy of terrorism to spook the hell out of Batman and Robin who're waiting for them at home. So, Alice/Hatter decided to start blowing up banks closed after-hours, late at night, and sent messages to the Dallas Post such as, "How can Red Hood rob an institution that's now exploded?" Alice/Hatter then claimed these blown up banks were the real satellite sarcasm for anti-Cowboys cheerleader propaganda!



Fortunately, Dallas had its own costumed vigilante who was at the time dealing with the likes of the Red Hood Gang. This vigilante/heroine was a costumed Batman-fan named Batwoman. She intended to bring down the Red Hood through legal and sane crime-fighting tactics rather than ensued terrorism utilized by Alice/Hatter. Batwoman hated Red Hood and couldn't care less about Alice/Hatter!



RED HOOD: Texas belongs to us, freaks!
ALICE/HATTER: We're not the freaks, but you are!
RED HOOD: We're not freaks but real terrorists!
ALICE/HATTER: You're not the real terrorists but we are!
RED HOOD: That's Jabberwocky nonsense!
ALICE/HATTER: Nothing's nonsense in the realm of slander!
RED HOOD: We're taking down Batwoman and all Dallas banks!
ALICE/HATTER: We're taking down Batman/Robin and Gotham too!
RED HOOD: You won't win this doomed dark-side fight.
ALICE/HATTER: We'll see...

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)