Hype! Deathmatch 2015: Round 1, Match 1: shauner111 vs. Black Narcissus

[Travesty]

Did you guys put Shauner in the Deathmatch behind his back?!

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

lol

 

[Schlosser85]

naw man, me and ol' buddy kicked a fat girl down a hill

Delightful. My vote for you is validated.

 

[The Batman]

Somehow, I don't think Shauner agreed to being in this.

 

[Schlosser85]

If he is too unawares to prevent himself from being unwillingly entered into a Deathmatch behind his back, clearly he deserves to be culled from the herd.

 

[The Batman]

I don't think he'd care about this anyway. He knows he doesn't have a seat at the "cool kids" table, so this is kind of meaningless whether he knows about it or not.

 

[Reek]

Wow... well this one got uncomfortable.

 

[Reek]

Delightful. My vote for you is validated.

It just wasn't enough for XtremelyBaneful

 

[Black Narcissus]

I voted for Black Narcissus because I had him mentally confused with DJ Kiddvicious.

Right...So it wasn't to fix your marriage that one time.

 

[Black Narcissus]

I don't think he'd care about this anyway. He knows he doesn't have a seat at the "cool kids" table, so this is kind of meaningless whether he knows about it or not.

Goddamn, you salty as hell. Show me to my table then.

 

[KevanG]

Certainly Sir. Just follow this sign.

 

[Reek]

Right...So it wasn't to fix your marriage that one time.

Goddamn, you salty as hell. Show me to my table then.

Like a cot damn pretzel. get the man some water and a girl.

 

[Black Narcissus]

Gather around lads! I will tell you the time I almost smashed Jessica Simpson.

Jessica Simpson (she was fat during this evening)


It has been awhile since my last confession. Gather round lads.

One hot summer day, we were both at the local Sheets pumping gas. I was filling my truck, so I had plenty of time to kill.

I was pumping gas into my motorized vehicle. She strolled up to me and placed her hand on my pump hand. "Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?" She asked, in that wistful, Dallas City way, suggestive of bacchanal. My body seized up. Every muscle was taut, yet her eyes slid into the back of her fake blonde head.

I approached closer.

"Perhaps you think I deserve a spanking?" She suggested. My head nodded imperceptibly at first, then shook violently.

"Well," I said, after taking a long, lazy drag on my clove cigarette, the kind that lovers do on the eve of Gotterdammerung, "I just made some cherry kool-aide back home. And I've got oreos. If you've got that hankering, why don't you drop by." I slipped her my card, then strode back to my truck. My big Monster truck.

She never did show up.

 

[jokesonm3]

Now see, this is why i voted for you.

 

[BatmanVSuperman]

Vote for BN, cause who is shauner?

 

[AnneFan]

Voted for Narcissus. Lawd.

 

[Reek]

Gather around lads! I will tell you the time I almost smashed Jessica Simpson.

Jessica Simpson (she was fat during this evening)


It has been awhile since my last confession. Gather round lads.

One hot summer day, we were both at the local Sheets pumping gas. I was filling my truck, so I had plenty of time to kill.

I was pumping gas into my motorized vehicle. She strolled up to me and placed her hand on my pump hand. "Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?" She asked, in that wistful, Dallas City way, suggestive of bacchanal. My body seized up. Every muscle was taut, yet her eyes slid into the back of her fake blonde head.

I approached closer.

"Perhaps you think I deserve a spanking?" She suggested. My head nodded imperceptibly at first, then shook violently.

"Well," I said, after taking a long, lazy drag on my clove cigarette, the kind that lovers do on the eve of Gotterdammerung, "I just made some cherry kool-aide back home. And I've got oreos. If you've got that hankering, why don't you drop by." I slipped her my card, then strode back to my truck. My big Monster truck.

She never did show up.

You must be a fan of Outkast - Da art of storytellin'...

I see you, BN...

 

[Black Narcissus]

Voted for Narcissus. Lawd.

You must be a fan of Outkast - Da art of storytellin'...

I see you, BN...

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

That counts as a bribe!

 

[jokesonm3]

Good lord that woman's body could do no wrong.

 

[Shikamaru]

Voted for Shauner. We've been through a lot over the years.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Good lord that woman's body could do no wrong.

Eh...

 

[jokesonm3]

Eh...

Fooled me once Krypton, fooled me once i say!

 

[Marvolo]

naw man, me and ol' buddy kicked a fat girl down a hill

Just about spit my sprite out.

 

[Black Narcissus]

Just about spit my sprite out.

True story.