New Character for New Comic Series

donaldthe3rd

Civilian
Joined
Nov 5, 2006
Messages
553
Reaction score
0
Points
11
Hey there everyone its been a long time since I've been back on the forums but thought it was time to return. I've been working on a character that I have made up and was planning to use as the main character in my comic series. I thought it would be wise to see what fellow comic book fans thought of my work before publication. So here goes! Keep in mind this is still a work in progress as his history isn't fully pieced together yet.

Real Name: Lor Dell Swahn.
Alias: Eli Solomon.
Birthplace: Sylvarian Planet
Occupation: Soldier.
Languages: Several languages foreign to any of earth’s known languages except for English and Spanish.
Powers: The product of an unfinished experiment to create a super-soldier for the Sylvarian Death Armada, Lor has been given the ability to shape, bend, stretch, and transform his body into liquid metal that can be hardened to achieve heightened durability or even melted to a liquid state to help travel to locations otherwise impossible to reach. Though having succeeded in gaining this ability, the process was cut short when Lor was called immediately to battle and thus has only half of the power that he wields. Still this grants him near super-human status with heightened strength, speed, agility, reflexes, and endurance. This does however mean that he is not as durable when in his metallic form. Though able to withstand bullets, explosions, blades and blunts that are common to the earth world, he is however vulnerable to magnetic fields, extreme temperature (liquid nitrogen, the heat given off from an atomic bomb exploding) and even being in his metallic state is straining since it takes a great deal of the nutrients from his system to activate and sustain this form. This usually leaves him tired, exhausted and even unconscious after using the liquid metal ability for extended periods of time.
Abilities: A highly skilled marksman. Has a knack for tracking and hunting. He is also an exceptionally skilled fighter in hand-to-hand combat.
Height: 5’10’’ (human form). Varies (metallic form).
Weight: 185 lbs (human form). Varies (metallic form).
Eyes: Brown (human form). White (metallic form).
Hair: Black, long.

The son of one of the highest ranking officers of the Sylvarian Death Armada and having a long family line in the military of his home planet, Lor Dell Swahn trained as a child to someday walk in their footsteps. Being human, a minority on Sylvaria, Lor was subject to much ridicule and harassment. Thankfully for his family being so high in their global government and being the warm-hearted people they were, despite being soldiers who had slain unthinkable numbers of enemies, taught Lor to put aside his frustration to forgive. Lessons like these came to create a strict moral code that Lor that shaped his outlook on life and in many ways lead to his unfortunate future.
When Lor came of age he enrolled in the military academy that housed and taught thousands of fellow Sylvarians. He graduated of course with countless decorations for his student success. For this he was sent immediately into a program that the top scientists from all over Sylvaria worked together on to help turn the tides of the current war between Sylvaria and Cohpairika.
The current war sparked only months prior to Lor’s graduation. Cohpairika had invaded two of the three inhabited moons of Sylvaria and held their inhabitants hostage until they were promised free resources for the next six years. Sylvaria was a planet about the size of mercury and was so rich with natural resources that many other planets created bonds and trading rights between Sylvaria and themselves. Others had tried before to take these resources by force but failed in battle along the way. Cohpairika on the other hand was a planet twice the size of Jupiter and had used all of its natural resources decades before. They survived by begging and picking off other small planets. Though Sylvaria was not in any position to fight such a large and well-armed planet and had many other planets who had taken their side, the picture grew much darker when the Cohpairikans declared they would pull Sylvaria into the orbit of Cohpairika and self-destruct if they were not given their resources.
This being a devastating blow to the Sylvarians knowing that either way they die, they put their best minds on the planet to work in hopes they could turn the tides of this soon to be blood bath. Lor, was first to be subjected to the solution. A process that allowed the subject become living liquid metal, indestructible, invincible and unstoppable. Outfitting the entire Sylvarian Death Armada with this power would surely turn the table on the war. Lor underwent the process but was cut short when the Cohpairikans invaded Sylvarian soil. Lor had only undergone half of the process and thus had only half the power that was intended, though was still a force to be reckoned with.
Lor stormed the battlefield and proved the efficiency of the transformation. After the Cohpairikan troops had been pushed back, Lor and his squadron came across a town that had few survivors. When they spanned out to look for any life they discovered a small family of a mother and her children nursing a dying Cohpairikan soldier. The family pleaded not to be punished since the soldier had saved them from falling debris. In disgust and anger the head officer killed the entire family and burnt the solider alive. Lor in outrage killed the officer and was arrested and sent to trial before the courts. For this crime his family disowned him and he was sentenced to life on the prison planet Ruhsk.
While being transported with other prisoners, Cohpairikan forces attacked the vessel in hopes of capturing Lor for themselves. When this failed the pods that contained Lor and other criminals were released and crash landed on Earth.
Crashing in the deserts of Nevada, Lor was discovered by a group of Paranormal Investigators who took him to their home for the time being. Awakening in their basement Lor was not surprised by his surroundings since Earth was a planet that was taught often in the education system of Sylvaria. Greeted by the group, they exchanged tales of the recent happening and made a bond to help each other. Lor promised to protect them from Cohpairikan and other forces now that Earth Humans knew of their existence they would surely be killed. Having traced the pods to their crash sites both Cohpairika and Sylvaria along with other planets now knew the location of one of the greatest weapons in the solar system if not the galaxy.
Lor is now on the run for his freedom and life with the aid of a handful of humans whose lives now hang in the balance of this intergalactic struggle for power.
 
First of all, your summary raises a lot of questions. Why are there humans on this other planet? How can the enemy's military be so well armed when they've used up their natural resources? Why do they have any military allies at all? How exactly were they going to pull a planet into orbit of their own and then blow both of them up, and why would they decide to do that before trying to invade the planet?

Second, you haven't really given all that much to go on. A synopsis is fine for solicitating a story to publishers, but I don't really have a picture of who the characters are or what the story is about thematically. The idea seems workable enough, but all it is is a very basic synopsis. One thing that would help is knowing what it's supposed to be about, not in terms of plot but in terms of themes. What the characters go through, what their experiences are supposed to bring out in the reader emotionally and intellectually. Superman isn't about a super powered alien immigrant who fights baldness, it's about ethics and resposnibility, about a man who has to tow the line between what he wants and what he is morally obligated to do, who has an upbringing he cherishes and a completely unrelated heritage he longs to be closer to, who desires in equal measure to be the spectacular, amazing, super person he has the potential to be and to cast away all of the things that make him seperate from the rest of humanity and live a humble life centered around the things that put him and normal people on equal footing, and finds the balance between these many contradictory facets of his life to be the morally upright person he has to be for the sake of everyone else. Genre stories need to be about something with meat to it, even if it's as simple as be a good person, or portraying what is good or bad about the world we live in. And I think that's more important to the story than the monsters and space ships. Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Six Feet Under are great shows because of the things that make them similar, not the things that make them different (although, they both have ghosts so that might hurt my argument depending on how you look at it).

So, ultimately, what I'm saying is that it's an entirely workable premise, albeit one that raises a few questions that needs to be answered, but it's very basic, and I really can't say anything more about it until you give me more to talk about.
 
Last edited:

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"