Post Here To Find Out What Your Totem Is

[jaguarr]

_NOIR_, The Spirits are sure to wear shoes around you for your totem is the Red Velvet Mite:

You are very concerned about environmental conservation and your daily routine reflects this. You are content to let others carry you through life, however, which can be off putting for some. When ready to mate, you create a big stockpile of your sperm and then set several smaller silken trails of it for females to follow, leading them to you and your pile of sperm. If she likes you, she'll sit in it. If another male Red Velvet Mite finds your stockpile, he'll destroy it and replace it with is own. Yes, your sex life reads much like a German porn movie. Your natural enemy is a can of Raid.

jag

 

[jaguarr]

uchiha_itachi, The Spirits handle you with kid gloves, for your totem is the porcupine fish:

You possess an incredible ability to nearly double your size by swallowing air or drinking way too much water. You're also have a very strange skin condition resulting in a number of spikey skin tags protruding from your body. You are primarily nocturnal and very stealthy by nature. You are a mystery to many and only those who are allowed to get close to you know much about you. Your natural enemy is Shamu.

jag

 

[jaguarr]

chaseter, The Spirits have hemophobia because of you, for your totem is the horned lizard:

A sun worshiper, you are mostly solitary and enjoy your alone time. You don't do well with confrontation and in the event that you are you will dart around in quick bursts, stopping and starting again over and over in the hopes that it will confuse the hell out of your attacker. If that fails, you'll puff on your sinuses so hard that blood shoots out of your eyes, hoping to cover your attacker in your own blood and gross them out. You're also not above a well placed head-butt but only for the purposes of getting away. Your natural enemy is the hawk.

jag

 

[TheMcGuffin]

What's my Totem?

 

[jaguarr]

ROBOCOP CPU001, The Spirits keep their distance from you, for your totem is the fulmar:

Much like a sea gull in appearance and behavior, you really aren't a gull at all and have one major key difference gong for you that sea gulls don't: when you are threatened you projectile vomit on your opponent. And not just to disgust them but because your stomach acid will eat through their skin (or feathers). Yes, you are a dirty fighter through and through. You do what you have to do to get yours in life and to take care of your family. Your natural enemy is Alka-Seltzer.

jag

 

[jaguarr]

EL ASESINO, The Spirits hold their nose as they brush quickly past you tell you your totem is the hagfish:

There's no polite way to put this, but you have B.O. Particularly when you are nervous or feel threatened, at which point you ooze a foul slime out of your pores that engulfs your enemy and can actually suffocate them. This also makes it very difficult for your lovers to hold onto you or give you a hug, so your relationships aren't prone to lasting overly long. Your natural enemies are the Japanese, who want to eat you and turn your skin into a wallet.

jag

 

[C.F. Kane]

I give. What's my totem?

 

[ShadowBoxing]

ShadowBoxing, an amazement to The Spirits you are for your totem is the cheetah:

Athletic, fast and agile, your body and mind are a testament to true predatory and mercurial prowess. Unfortunately you are only able to sustain any level of intensity for no more than 45 seconds, which has lead to many disappointed lovers in your lifetime, though they may have been kind and not said anything to you about it. Life is all about the hunt for you, preferring to find the most efficient way to get things done that you can so that you will have more time available to you to lay around and conserve your energy. When you get overly hot you pant like a dog which makes other cats wonder if you're right in the head. You are highly social with other males of your species and mark your territory often, which has gotten you barred from quite a few social gatherings. Primarily a carnivore, you would not be above eating your own young if you had any. Your natural enemy is the hyena.

jag

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

 

[hippy fascist]

sign me up

 

[ROBOCOP CPU001]

ROBOCOP CPU001, The Spirits keep their distance from you, for your totem is the fulmar:

Much like a sea gull in appearance and behavior, you really aren't a gull at all and have one major key difference gong for you that sea gulls don't: when you are threatened you projectile vomit on your opponent. And not just to disgust them but because your stomach acid will eat through their skin (or feathers). Yes, you are a dirty fighter through and through. You do what you have to do to get yours in life and to take care of your family. Your natural enemy is Alka-Seltzer.

jag

That is super cool, thanks Jag

 

[Mr. Credible]

Mr. Credible, The Spirits are amazed at the sexual fixations of your totem, the Red Jungle Fowl:

Never one to stray too far from home, you live to rut with as many possible partners as possible. Because you do stay so close to home, though, your chances of having sex with a close relative are highly increased. When you encounter a competing red jungle fowl male who might want to mate with one of your "harem", you are prone to violence and fighting. Your natural enemy is Colonel Sanders.

jag

amazingly accurate, sadly.


thanks man.

 

[A.J.Rimmer(BSC)]

Ha! Your a cock!

 

[uchiha_itachi]

uchiha_itachi, The Spirits handle you with kid gloves, for your totem is the porcupine fish:

You possess an incredible ability to nearly double your size by swallowing air or drinking way too much water. You're also have a very strange skin condition resulting in a number of spikey skin tags protruding from your body. You are primarily nocturnal and very stealthy by nature. You are a mystery to many and only those who are allowed to get close to you know much about you. Your natural enemy is Shamu.

jag

i dont really know what to say about the first half of that lol the seoncd half is cool tho, thnkx jag

 

[Mr. Credible]

Ha! Your a cock!

the cock of the walk, maybe.

 

[caretaker14]

caretaker14, celebrate for you share the skies with The Spirits as your totem the flying ant:

Awesome. I frakkin' hate birds.

 

[Prognosticator]

A totem is a symbol of that which you are most tied directly to in the natural world. It's characteristics, strengths and weaknesses define you and the totem itself serves as a natural guardian for you. Totems can be animals, plants, or other natural object. Many, many moons ago, A Sioux Shaman saw the jaguar within me and connected our consciousness together. When he did this, he also bequeathed me with the great powah to see other people's totems. Now, I bring this great powah to you, the masses. For the low, low price of your soul after you die, I will tell you what your totem is and what that means. I will do this only for as long as it entertains me, so hurry and act now! The first ten callers will also receive a pair of Ginshoe knives. They're the knives that you can wear like a shoe!

*Disclaimer: Anyone injured, maimed, killed or otherwise offended by any content in this post or any subsequent posts by this author should seek counseling on their own dime or just blend in with the dirt. These posts may cause vertigo, delerium, headaches, stretch marks, gender confusion, crows feet, back acne, elevated blood pressure and/or trichotillomania. Warning: do NOT taunt this post. If it begins to glow, vibrate and shake, run away. The author is not responsible for any injuries or traumas sustained by the reader while reading this post.

jag

Totem Me!

**Reaches into wallet**



This better be worth my money!

 

[chaseter]

chaseter, The Spirits have hemophobia because of you, for your totem is the horned lizard:

A sun worshiper, you are mostly solitary and enjoy your alone time. You don't do well with confrontation and in the event that you are you will dart around in quick bursts, stopping and starting again over and over in the hopes that it will confuse the hell out of your attacker. If that fails, you'll puff on your sinuses so hard that blood shoots out of your eyes, hoping to cover your attacker in your own blood and gross them out. You're also not above a well placed head-butt but only for the purposes of getting away. Your natural enemy is the hawk.

jag

Creepily spot on...especially the blood squirting at my oponents! I do loves me some sun and I do love my alone time...cheers and thankst: Plus the horned lizard is pretty awesome.

 

[Greenhorn]

Greenhorn, The Spirits hope you will understand your love of cheese and nuts now that your totem, the field mouse, has been revealed to you:

You are mostly nocturnal and have a voracious appetite for just about anything you can get into your mouth. Your metabolism is lightning quick and your friends often refer to you as being hyperactive. Your attention span is very short and you have tiny ears. Your natural enemies are snakes and Three Mile Island.

jag

Woo Hoo! It's in my signature now...

 

[El ASESINO]

EL ASESINO, The Spirits hold their nose as they brush quickly past you tell you your totem is the hagfish:

There's no polite way to put this, but you have B.O. Particularly when you are nervous or feel threatened, at which point you ooze a foul slime out of your pores that engulfs your enemy and can actually suffocate them. This also makes it very difficult for your lovers to hold onto you or give you a hug, so your relationships aren't prone to lasting overly long. Your natural enemies are the Japanese, who want to eat you and turn your skin into a wallet.

jag

Awsome

Thank you

 

[jaguarr]

Current batting order:

Whiskey Tango
Mee
The IronMan
Specter313
Unstoppable
The-dark-knight
NewYorkSpider
3dman27
The Original Bamfer
SuperFerret
Xwolverine2
Captain_Death
A.J.Rimmer(BSC)
Excel
Geekz
T’Jai
kakarot69
logansoldcigar
Movies205
The McGuffin
C.F. Kane
hippy fascist
Prognosticator


More totems to come, soon.

jag

 

[3dman27]

i look forward to finding what my totem would be i wonder what kind of superpower my totem would give me if it was possible

 

[Sam Fisher]

Ok, I'll bite.

 

[A.J.Rimmer(BSC)]

I'm just hoping mine's not something stupid like a pony or something.

 

[Untilteld]

I'm looking forward to mine.

 

[TheMcGuffin]

Is somebody slacking on Totem-making?