Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Jack O Lantern]

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

Ah you've done well lad. Now you know what to do. BURN THEM, BURN THEM ALL!

FFFFFFLLLLAAAAANNNNNDDDDEEEEERRRRRSSSSS! FFFFFLLLLAAAANNNNDDDDERRRRS! FFFFFFLLLLLLAAAAANNNNNDDDDDDEEEERRRS!
What? What is it?
[PAUSES] Games that way. HAHAHAHA

I'm Dick Tracey. Take that Pruneface. Now I'm Pruneface take that Dick Tracey. Now I'm Prune Tracey take that Dick...

 

[Mdizzle]

"Hididdly ho?"
"Greetings, friend!"
"Ned, did you plug that phone back in?"
"SHUT UP!!!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"Brrr, stupid smarch weather."
Sign on thermostat reading:
Do not touch.
-Willy.
"Do not touch Willy. Good advice." Turns up thermostat

 

[Mrh7448]

Comic Book Guy : "My breakfast burrito is congealing rapidly, so I shall make this brief.."

Ralph: I bent my Wookie!.

 

[Mdizzle]

"From now on, the baby sleeps in the crib!"
"Hello, Joe"
crazy clown laugh

"I call the big one Bitey"

 

[Wyrminarrd]

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

 

[Mdizzle]

one of the best lines:

"Ok ok, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just need to think like Flanders."
I'm a big four-eyed lamo who wears the same stupid sweater every-
"THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!!"

 

[Pink Ranger]

HOMER: Ooh, floor pie!

HOMER: Ooh, a fresh batch of America balls!

COMIC BOOK GUY: Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh.

REV LOVEJOY: Ned, have you considered any of the other religions? They're all pretty much the same ...

MARGE: Aren't you going to give him last rites?
REV LOVEJOY: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do some kind of voodoo dance!

BART: They're gonna be chewing on him for a while ...

 

[Mdizzle]

"Fat Tony is the cancer on this city. The cancer, and I am...what cures cancer?"

 

[Obi-Ron]

MARGE: Can't you see this barnyard noise guessing game is tearing us apart?

 

[aaron]

the four day weekend one is the best ever

 

[Mdizzle]

"Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers."
"Hey -- that's a half-truth!"

"Dad! Hide your shame!"
"Hey homie, I can see your doodle!"
"Shut up Flanders"

 

[Mdizzle]

double post

"Let me tell you young man, valentine's day is no joke."
*Sending your chick a valentine eh?...*gunfire*
"Johnny?...Johnny???? JOHNNNYYYYYY!!!!"
"Coool, I broke his brain."

 

[Wyrminarrd]

Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?

 

[Mdizzle]

^^ that reminds me...

From Lady Bouvier's Lover:

"He's an awful, awful man! But if Mom's happy, I guess that's all that really matters."
"You're right, money. Your money's happiness is all that monies."

 

[04nbod]

Homer: That's right kids, suck on daddy's sugar ball

 

[Mdizzle]

"We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which we will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer....That is all."

 

[Ziggyman]

"...It tastes like burning" - The legendary Ralph Wigum!

 

[Mdizzle]

More Ralph:

"Ms. Hoover? There's a dog in the vent."
"Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?"
"He was going to the bathroom"

 

[Ziggyman]

"Me fail English...That's un-possible!"
"Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers"
"Prinskipper Skippel... Primdable Skimpsker... I found something!"

Ahahahaha!

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

grandpa rules all

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.


Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.


Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it
Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Marge; Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so...


Lisa: I'm an ugmo.
Homer: Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Father's have to say that little stuff.
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grandpa: No. You're homely as a mule's butt.
Homer: There. See?


Grandpa Simpson: The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.


Abe: That doll is EVIL, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe: I just want attention.


Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you!
Homer: Go home.

Grandpa: Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters.
Homer: Yes thank you dad. Lets go!.... I'll take this communist one too!


Grandpa: Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.


Mr. burns: so do u have a way to get rid of the protesters?
Grandpa: One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time we went over to shelbyville during the war, I wore an onion on my belt....which was the style at the time...you couldnt get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones.................now where was I........oh yeah, the important thing was I was wearing an onion on my nelt, which was the style at the time, you couldnt get those... (trails off)


Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: ........Where are we going?


Grandpa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

 

[Mdizzle]

Me, I'm a Wiggum fan:

"Let this be a lesson to you kids: Kids never learn!"

"Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket. To jail!"
"He's unconscious, sir."
"Ah, they can still hear things."

Wiggum always has to recover after saying something stupid.

 

[The Joker]

Secretary: "Is this the Abraham Simpson that wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode?"
Grandpa: "Ishy and wha? Ah you must be some kind of crazy person"
Secretary: "I'm sorry, but we have a substantial cheque here for a Mr Abraham Simpson"
Grandpa: "That's right. I did the Iggy"

 

[Dr. Evil]

Longest name for a Stadium:

The new Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park.

 

[The Joker]

Lionel Hutz: "Mr Simpson, this is the most fraudulent case of advertising since my lawsuit against the movie, the Neverending Story"

Old sea Captain: "T'was a moonless night, dark as pitch. When out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man"

Old sea Captain: "Come see bottomless Pete, nature's cruelest mistake. Come for the freak, stay for the food"
Customer #1: "Oh he's hideous"
Customer #2: "I hear they shaved a gorilla"