Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Pink Ranger]

APU: Please do not offer my god a peanut!

BART: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.

GRANDPA: Think about me when you're having the best sex of your life!

MR. SPARKLE: This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?!?

 

[Mdizzle]

Homer's many biblical interpretations:

"Thou shall not take...moochers into thy hut"

"Thou shall not horn in on thy husband's racket"

 

[Mdizzle]

"If he can teach a class, HE can teach a class! I mean I can teach a class!"

 

[Obi-Ron]

For some reason "Lousy Smarch weather!" comes to mind today.

 

[MessyPandas]

Homer: Do you sell toys?
Shopkeep: We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt.
Homer: Well I need something for my son's birthday.
Shopkeep: Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman (points to a talking Krusty the Clown doll). Take this object, but beware - it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Oh, that's bad.
Shopkeep: But it comes with a free frogurt.
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeep: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeep: But you get your choice of topping.
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeep: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
Homer: (blank stare)
Shopkeep: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

 

[Mdizzle]

"Something said...not good..."
"Homer, you still here? Boy, you ARE slow!"
"Something said...not good..."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"Sweet Georgia Brown! Something's rotten at the Simpson place!"

"Hahaha, oh, merrrccccy."

 

[aaron]

some i don't find funny

 

[Mutagen]

Banner: You're out there somewhere, beer baron! And I'll find you.
Homer: No you won't!
Banner: Yes, I will!
Homer: Won't!

 

[Mdizzle]

Banner: You're out there somewhere, beer baron! And I'll find you.
Homer: No you won't!
Banner: Yes, I will!
Homer: Won't!

Ah yes, Homer Vs. the 18th Amendment. Great ep.

From Burns' Heir:

"Hello Mr...Kurns. I bad want...money now. Me sick."
"Oh, he card read good!"

"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. Lesson is, never try. Heh heh, right in the butt!"

 

[Mdizzle]

some i don't find funny

Then post some quotes you do find funny

 

[aaron]

lolol i had that trying line on socks when i was like 10

 

[aaron]

Then post some quotes you do find funny

i can't remember any.

 

[Mdizzle]

"That's right, Homer, we don't need a babysitter."
"Wait a minute!" *Reads card that says, 'Always do the opposite of what Bart says'*
"You kids do need a babysitter!"
"Blast that infernal card! Don't give that card to me."
"Here ya go--NO!!"

 

[aaron]

see, you should keep posting them.

 

[Mdizzle]

see, you should keep posting them.

The best lines/jokes were easily from seasons 2-3 to about 7...and I have those on dvd rotation ad nauseum. lol

"Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager."
"Your manager says for you to shut up!"
"Vera said that?..."


"Well, time to go to work.
Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
"Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan."
Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing!
*Silence*
Well, off to the plant!
"Then to the Duff Brewery."
Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
"I've got to think of a lie, fast!"
"Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?"
"Aah!"

 

[aaron]

lolol

 

[Mdizzle]

"To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a bible verse! Uh, thou shalt not......." *gives up and hurls a rock, knocking out the spider*

"Homer loves Mindy! Homer loves Mindy!"
"Hey Homer, you're hallucinating again!"
"Not a good sign!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"Ah, Dioramarama. My favorite event next to Hearing-Test Thursday."

"I bent my Wookie"

 

[Wyrminarrd]

Homer: I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos.

 

[Mdizzle]

"Ok, ok, don't panic. Just remember the words of advice your father gave you on your wedding night."
"If you ever go back in time, don't step on anything. Cuz even the smallest change can affect the future in ways you can't even imagine."

Solid advice.

 

[aaron]

totally

 

[Brainiac 8]

"Well, time to go to work.
Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
"Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan."
Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing!
*Silence*
Well, off to the plant!
"Then to the Duff Brewery."
Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
"I've got to think of a lie, fast!"
"Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?"
"Aah!"

That reminds me of one of my favorite Homer quotes when he was in Mr. Burns office.

Burns: What is your name?
Tell a lie, tell a lie!
Homer: Homer Simpson
DOH!

 

[Mdizzle]

"Now this place you were at, Moe's, is this a business of some sort?"
Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night?
"It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
Heh, heh, heh. I would never have thought of that.


Best excuse ever.

 

[Obi-Ron]

"Ok, ok, don't panic. Just remember the words of advice your father gave you on your wedding night."
"If you ever go back in time, don't step on anything. Cuz even the smallest change can affect the future in ways you can't even imagine."

Solid advice.

I actually gave that advice to my best friend when he got married. t: