Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Mdizzle]

"... Lionel Hutz, aka Miguel Sanchez, aka Dr. Nguyen Van Fok, was paid eight dollars for his thirty-two hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it."

 

[Dr. Evil]

Ralph Wiggum: Are the oceans god's tears?
Principal Skinner: Yes, they are. A plus.
Lisa Simpsons: ugh.
Ralph: Lisa is the new Ralph

 

[Kingfish]

I notice a distinct lack of a certain character...


"Are you there God? It's me... Duffman!"


"That brown patch needs a little H2OooooYEH!"


"Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!"


"Duffman's pension has been mis-managed...ooooh yeah!"


"Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymore, I'm just plain old Barry Duffman, oh yeah."

 

[The_Vision]

British Puberty Guy: Welcome to Judi Dench's Fish 'n' Chips, now clean of mad fish disease.
Homer: Fish? I don't know. I'm not much of a vegetarian.
Puberty Guy: Please order something! If Ms. Dench finds out, she'll be furiated! She'll beat us, she will.

 

[Mdizzle]

"I move for a...bad court...thingee..."
"You mean a mistrial?"
"Right. That's cuz you're the judge, and I'm the law-talking...guy..."
"A lawyer"
"Right"

ahahah.

 

[The Joker]

Homer catches a british guy in his sugar pile:

Homer: "Alright pal, where did you get the sugar for that tea?"
British guy: "I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second. And I'd do it again. Goodbye."
Homer: "Do you see, Marge? DO YOU SEE?"

 

[Mdizzle]

Homer catches a british guy in his sugar pile:

Homer: "Alright pal, where did you get the sugar for that tea?"
British guy: "I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second. And I'd do it again. Goodbye."
Homer: "Do you see, Marge? DO YOU SEE?"

That is one of the greatest eps. So random/funny.

From Lisa's Date With Density:
"You kissed a girl? That's sooo gay!"

 

[Obi-Ron]

Homer catches a british guy in his sugar pile:

Homer: "Alright pal, where did you get the sugar for that tea?"
British guy: "I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second. And I'd do it again. Goodbye."
Homer: "Do you see, Marge? DO YOU SEE?"

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

 

[Mdizzle]

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

"Simpson, you diabolical..."

ahahaha

 

[souvlaki]

Doesn't get more random than this...

"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

 

[souvlaki]

Edit- Double Post

 

[Kingfish]

Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

 

[Mdizzle]

Doesn't get more random than this...

"We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

Everything Grandpa says is usually random:

"The year was nineteen odd six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart and all over America people were doing a dance called the Funky Grandpa! Oh I'm the..." falls asleep

 

[Shifty]

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

 

[Shifty]

Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

 

[Mdizzle]

"Starting tomorrow, no beer for a month!"
*sound of a can opening*
"What was that?"
"I was saying pssst, I love you"

 

[K.B.]

Moe :" Yeah, Question..Has anyone ever died in the house?"

Auctioneer: "No."

Moe: "Sorry for wasting your time."

(Puts on hat and walks away)

 

[Jack O Lantern]

Lisa is that food to spicey for you?
I can see through time.

Lisa: At least now you can go back to being a real person who is not defined by a 1-D catchphrase.
Homer knocks over lamp
Homer: D'oh
Bart: Ay crumba
Marge: Mmmmmmmmm
Maggie: Sucks on pacifer
Flanders: Hi-didely-hi.
Mr. Burns: Excellent
Barney: Burps
Nelson: Haha.
Everybody looks at Lisa
Lisa:If anybody wants me I'll be in my room
Homer: What kind of catchphrase is that?

Homer: You really miss Bleedingcums Murphy huh? Remember when your cat died honey? We'll just go down to the pound and get you a new Jazz man.

 

[Wyrminarrd]

Mayor Quimby: Oh, dear God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?

 

[Mdizzle]

"Smithers, are they booing me?"
"No, Sir, they're just saying boo...urns! Boourns!"
"Are you saying 'boo' or 'boourns'?"
"BOOO!!!!"
"...I was saying boourns"

Hahah I defiinitely say that too.

 

[The Impaler]

Bart Simpson: "Hey! I found a shortcut through your hedge maze"

Groundskeeper Willy: "Why you little"

[thinking] Groundskeeper Willy: No, no, go easy on the wee one. His father's going to go crazy and chop 'em all into haggis!

Bart Simpson: "What's haggis?"

Groundskeeper Willy: [gasps] "Boy... you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning"

Bart Simpson: "You mean Shining".

Groundskeeper Willy: [sotto voce] "Shh! You want to get sued? Now look, boy: if your Dad goes gaga, you just use that... Shin of yours to call me and I'll come a running. But don't be reading my mind between four and five. That's Willy's time!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town! The school yard's up, and the shopping mall's down! The stray dogs go to the animal pound! Springfield, Springfield!"
"New York, New York!"
"New York is that-a-way, man!"
"Thanks, kid!"
"It's a hell of a townnnnnn!!!"

 

[The Joker]

Zombie Flanders: "Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a little peckish. Mind if I chew your ear?"
*Homer shoots Zombie Flanders*
Bart: "Dad you killed the zombie Flanders"
Homer: "He was a zombie?"

 

[Brainiac 8]

Bart falls out of tree.

Nelson: Haha

Milhouse: Nelson, I think Bart broke his leg.

Nelson: I said HAHA!

 

[Mdizzle]

"Why do you mock me, oh Lord?"
"That's not God. That's just a waffle Bart tossed up there!"
"I know I shouldn't eat thee, but--*gulp*"