Random Simpsons Quotes Thread

[Mdizzle]

I just did a search and for whatever reason there isn't a thread for this...the closest thing is the Simpsons trivia thread.

Post some of the best quotes/scenes from the series! (Preferably from seasons 2-10, which were, imo, the best seasons, but anything is fair game.)

I'll get the ball rolling:


"Only who can prevent forest fires?...That is incorrect. You pressed 'you,' referring to me. The real answer is 'you."

"Put out an APB on a male suspect driving a...car of some sort. Headed in the direction of that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless."

"...I'm driving on a road, appears to be asphalt...trees, shrubs...I'm directly under the earth's sun...now!"

 

[BatMatt]

"mmmm pistol whip"

 

[Go Web Go!]

Some of Ralph Wiggum's best work:

"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

"Prinskipper Skippel... Primdable Skimpsker... I found something!"

"Go banana!"

Ralph: "What's for lunch?"
Lunch Lady: "Next!"
Ralph: "Chicken Necks?"

 

[Dr. Evil]

"Lisa needs braces! Dental plan! Lisa needs braces! Dental plan!"

 

[Go Web Go!]

"DRINK DUFF! responsibly. DRINK DUFF! responsibly."

 

[Mdizzle]

"Lisa needs braces! Dental plan! Lisa needs braces! Dental plan!"

YES! One of my favs--Last Exit to Springfield is one of the best.

"Now play classical gas!"

"Wow, a real swiss army knife!"
"Yeah, I stole it off that Borgnine guy"

"Must...kill...Moe......WEEEEE!!!Must...kill...Moe......WEEEEE!!!"

 

[Superark]

"I like my beer cold, my tv loud, and my homosexuals flaaammming!" - Homer Simpson

Hahaha

 

[Mdizzle]

"Hot stuff, comin' through"
"There's a spark in your hair!"
"Get it, get it!"


I'm a fan of quotes by Chief Wiggum, the doofus:

"Bake 'em away, toys"
"What was that, Chief?"
"Just do what the kid said."

"Aw, who needs a wife? Just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman. Cuz one time I...heh"

 

[Jack O Lantern]

What are you laughing at? And if you say Jimmy Fallon I'll know you're lying.

Marge: Lisa, sports are avery small part of life.
Homer Walks In: SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS!

I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean S-M-A-R-T.

THE P.T.A HAS DISBANDED! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!

 

[Mdizzle]

"You are not in direct competition with each other, repeat, not in direct competition."
"Apu just called! Lisa's team is playing Bart's team! You'll be in direct competition! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" (flicks light switch on and off)

 

[KenK]

"C'mon Marge. It's uter-US, not "uter-you"!!!"

 

[Mdizzle]

"You don't make friends with salad! You don't make friends with salad!"

 

[DarbyD53]

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

****************

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

*******************

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

 

[Mdizzle]

"Why do you want to become a bigger brother?"
Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!
"Uh, revenge?"
That's it, I'm outta here!
"Welcome aboard, Mr. Simpson"

 

[ReTrO JuNkIe 42]

"alcohol the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems"

 

[K.B.]

A recent Moe one

"Lisa gave up her name? Hmmm..There's a lot of good will to a name like that. I'LL TAKE IT!"

(phone rings, Moe picks up)

"Hello, Lisa Simpson speaking."

(Barney gives Moe a look)

 

[Wesley Dodds]

"I didnt kill my wi..." No. Wait. I'm thinking of someone else.

 

[Mdizzle]

"Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What"

"When I grow up, I'm going to bovine university!"

 

[Jack O Lantern]

I think we're going to die.
We'll all die eventually.
I meant soon.
Me too.

Would you like to come to our free weekend?
When is this weekend?
It's this weekend.
How much does it cost?
It's free.
When will it be taking place?
This weekend.
And how much do you charge?
It's free.
AWhen does it occur.
It's this weekend
And how much do you charge?

 

[Mdizzle]

"I cannot fit in the wee vent, you croquet-playin' mint muncher!"
"Get up there you...you guff-speaking work-slacker!"
"Ooo, good comeback!"

 

[Prison Mike]

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

[Mdizzle]

"There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest??!! Ya used me, Skinner! YA UUUUUUUSSSEDD ME!!!!"

 

[Prison Mike]

Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

 

[Mdizzle]

"Your putter's name is Sharlene!"

"I think Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel"

"I know you can hear my thoughts boy..meow meow meow meow meow meow meow..."

 

[rdh007]

Ralph to a psychologist: "I have voices in my head that tell me to burn things."