OK I've done some EDITING... PLEASE READ THE BOTTOM POST for a FAR MORE ABRIDGED version of the longer one in these first two posts. I really really really would greatly appreciate feedback upon AT LEAST the short ABRIDGED VERSION WHICH IS the LAST post down below in this THREAD... thanks! I wasn’t sure if this would be better for on screen or tv or just a short story, it’s actually part of one huge dream I had with some additions I’ve made, a series of strange ideas that to me seem like a cool neat story but wanted to hear your opinions… it’s rather long so please be patient… am really looking for some feedback and please excuse much of the grammar… much of it is in free style but not in any confusing way. Most of it is thankfully punctuated. I just wrote this all in a span of hours and couldn’t stop. I also know that much of the dialogue is crap but I was just writing anything that came to mind to get the message across… Hope you enjoy it. A file clerk who does menial office cubicle work for a mass company is a 30 something, unmarried, doesn’t have much going for his life. He’s a good looking guy and very well built, but is very awkward with girls, gets the wrong responses never knows how to be around them (background never explained, suffice to say it’s obvious he seems a little disturbed or socially backwards). Very socially poor and awkward and backward. He has no real friends, or family. He does have a brother whom he visits sometimes in a mental institution, except his brother is a vegetable. He often talks to his brother about how boring his days are, his work life, no career advancement, can’t find anyone but is on the look out while his brother just sits not even looking at him. He frequents a big sports type bar that’s always packed and knows a few of the patrons there, often just goes there every day almost, gets his drinks and goes home. We see him return to his apt after the bar run, watches all kinds of weird programming and movies (nosferatu at 3 in the morning, etc) eating all sorts of junk but very slowly, as if he’s glued to the screen. That amounts to his day. Except for this one night he goes to the bar, he sees its even more packed than normal which is unusual cuz it’s a Tuesday but he sees it’s an important baseball game folks are watching. He notices this one older middle aged dude who looks quite poor and is in shabby clothing who’s trying to plug a drink for free from the tender and the tender’s about to call the bouncers to throw him out. The accountant (we’ll call him Sam) sees him, out of sympathy spots him a few bucks to buy a beer, but jokingly tells him it’d better not be some bud light ****, it’d better be some real stuff. They share a few laughs and actually have a bit of a conversation. First time Sam’s been at ease with anyone, in his head he’s thinking he’s never had a conversation or a talk with someone in years cuz he’s so awkward generally. He still is awkward here but the poor man doesn’t mind. Suddenly a point is scored on the overhead huge TV, Sam turns around to see the commotion as people roar in celebration and smiles, never got into baseball much at all really. As he turns his head, the poor guy sitting next to him is no where to be seen. Sam gets up off his stool and looks all around above the crowd for where his new “friend” is. He sees him just at the exit/entrance. The poor guy staring right at him with a wry grin, wide eyed totally expecting Sam to see him. The poor guy just nods his head and tips his hat and moves fast as hell out of the door. Sam pushes his way thru the crowd getting to the exit and moves on through leaving the bar and is outside in the chill and cold. Dead empty streets except with a few people leaving and entering the bar he walks out onto the street and looks all about him, the poor guy’s up and vanished like a fart in the wind. Sam’s a bit annoyed and we can see that he’s a tad imbalanced, he’s almost madly determined to find where the hell this dude just disappeared off to. He runs across the street, round a few corners and down a couple blocks, no one. He can’t see anyone at all that resembles the poor guy he saw. He then gives up and is angry as hell in sheer frustration and as he turns around to walk back to his car he bumps hard into the same older poor guy. The guy has this huge paper grocery bag filled with all sorts of food and other assorted items which gets scattered all over. Sam with a sheer apology goes down and helps the guy collect all the stuff together and helps the guy up. Sam then asks him who he is and why he just vanished, the poor guy is stunned at Sam and in almost paralytic shock and complete total anxiety shouts out at him to leave him alone!! Sam is completely surprised and then realizes the guy’s probably some nutter anyways and lets him go, the poor guy just vanishes. Sam shakes his head thinking great, I just had a convo with a nutter… what a good ****ing job. As Sam puts his head down he sees the old dude’s dropped a card. Sam picks it up and sees it’s a card for a bar/nightclub that he’s never heard of but the card marks the grand opening of the place down several blocks from where his work place his. He wonders why the hell would this poor guy have this card on him. He goes home and does his usual routine of watching TV but is totally disturbed by the card, he sees if there’s any entertainment news info on it on the net about it or on TV but he just ends up getting distracted with other items of bizarre interest (how telescopes work, flights to Burkina Faso, etc) and falls asleep at his computer. After work the next day he stays later than his usual work time and almost everyone’s gone from the office. Sam’s finishing some last minute work, he looks at his watch and notices it’s 11. He pulls out the card he picked up yesterday and smiles wanting try out what this joint might be like. He drives down to this new joint which he sees is built very fancily off a major street corner. It’s a classy high priced joint but it’s obvious so long as you can pay the cover (hundreds of dollars) its easy to get in. There’s a huge line to get in and people are dressed up looking good, some looking stupid… it was like one of those typical big opening joints in Hollywood which is happening in his town which is weird cuz nothing big usually happens in his town. Plus some of the people he’s seen in this town are people he’s never seen before. He gets in line, gets to the front, and the bouncer looks him up and down with squinted examining careful eyes, the other bouncer quickly pops over to him says “well… the cover?” Sam forks it out and walks in notices the setup’s basically like a grand nightclub… not really his type of joint. He actually hates night clubs, hates dancing hates everything about it, drinks too expensive, the works. He sees a great thing though, it’s a major one floor club with 3 massive surrounding bars, and a full party bar upstairs. He’s stoked cuz at least this place has more bar type stuff than most other clubs. He sits down at the main table on a stool and has a few. He looks on at the dance floor seeing it totally crowded for a few minutes but then a huge open space circle forms around this one girl… a girl he drops his drink for… someone so absolutely stunning (we’re talking more than mary jane) who dances elegantly and not any sort of typical club style skank crap. People just woo her on and cheer her on but are totally amazed at not only how gorgeous but how unique and different her style of dance is… it’s hard to describe, it’s like this chick wasn’t supposed to be here and was a class apart. She catches Sam staring at her and she smiles back. Sam with his drink dropped but his beer mug hand still cupping thin air snaps and turns back to the tender to order another drink hoping to dear god the girl didn’t see him but it’s obvious she did. He looks back over his shoulder like an idiot and sees she’s off the dance floor and is mildly relieved thinking she’s gone but he’s lightly tapped on the shoulder and he almost freezes and is completely stiff in movement. It’s her, she sits down next on a stool next to him and it’s obvious some others around them are staring at her and seeing how gorgeous she is, but each is almost too intimidated or scared to chat her up. She tries to casually talk to him but with no real success as he’s so poor at talking in general he has no idea what to say (worse than woody allen caricature here, he just stays still, dumbfounded with a bunch of uuhs, yeahs, and well uh huhs). She flirts with him a little more trying to break the ice and he finally breaks with a genuine relaxed slight smile. They try to talk a little more but he completely effs things up, not knowing what to say but she doesn’t mind, kinda finds it cute. She wants to hang out with him more but he kinda just gets up and starts to leave, she tries to shout out to him come back tomorrow and he barely hears it but denies hearing it. Ok I realize I kind have blabbered on and I haven’t gotten to the important parts yet. Basically after realizing he screwed things up with such an amazing gal, he can’t focus at work and decides to head back later the next night to the same place, although this time the bouncers allow him in for free and he’s totally confused as to why but they say, cuz the gal inside pulled a few strings. He sees the gal again inside and she tells him how glad she is he came back and that she’s quite popular with the owners (she actually reveals mid convo that she is part owner of the place itself and she just moved). They start to kind of get along although really slowly and awkwardly, all due to him. He’s afraid to ask her out or ask her number and yet she for some reason won’t give it straight up even though she’s so interested in him obviously. This keeps going on, meeting at the joint, with even a little dancing this time although he’s terrible, he feels like he’s finally opening up, he’s totally going head over heels for this girl and she just keeps flirting with him more and more and tries to get to know him. These sorts of meetings at the bar keep on going on and he’s totally happy with it, in fact he’s mad about this girl and can’t stop thinking about her and he’s just so stupid that he’s never asked for her number, not even thinking about the fact that she never offered in the first place. He feels so liberated, as in as if his life has meaning, he’s gone so over the top with feelings for this gal without even seeing she may not feel anywhere near as strongly but he doesn’t care, he’s actually talking, communicating for once genuinely and connecting with someone more or less everytime he meets her at the club. [This part I haven’t fully fleshed out, remember these are all just several ideas right now.] But it gets to a point that out of his pure desolation, his lonely, meaningless existence, he feels he can liberate himself from his life, achieve a sense of self THROUGH this girl rather than for himself, he makes the mistake of trying to make positive changes in his life FOR this girl and feel SHE is the key to his existence and meaning and not seeing that meaning comes from within, not anyone else and that progress comes from within and liberation is for ONE’s self, not for someone else, that’s the huge mistake he makes but he continues doing this, failing to respect himself as a result, feeling he can achieve some meaning through someone else which is NOT how he should go about seeking meaning in his life, almost devoting himself to her and yeah, to the point of obsessing over her. Then one night he goes to the bar all excitedly especially cuz this time, after 2 weeks, he’s gonna ask for this gal’s number, as he gets in, he meets her, again they start talking and he’s having a blast just being with her… She says she wants to dance for a little but he really needs a drink so he tells her to go by herself. She’s kind of annoyed but not angry and goes off and he realizes how stupid he’s being, yet he still goes for the drink and starts watching her do her moves solo with others around her. What feels like staring at stark beauty for hours which is really only a matter of a few minutes is broken as his attention snaps as a thudding clasp on his back startles him totally. He swings his stool around to see it’s the older beggar poor dude he bought a drink for and he’s like “WTF? How the hell did you manage to get in here, what are you doing in here? Who are u exactly?” The poor guy simply smiles and nods/***** his head in the direction over to where Sam’s girl is dancing and says “you’re not doing too bad yourself are yah buddy…” Sam turns to see and then just starts blabbering, opening up big time, some of it very awkward, disturbing as well but openly honest… it’s clear he’s a few marbles short “oh her, well I mean we’re not really you know, it’s, well I don’t know what to call it. But she makes me feel great, completely amazing. I have a sense of purpose, HER. I can say I love her even though I barely know her. I can seek meaning in my life through her, she has that key. I’ve never felt a sense of self, She’s the person who can give me that self. I can make the changes I’ve wanted to FOR her.” The guy says “you’ve totally fallen hook line and sinker for her haven’t you… well I guess this’ll be interesting… although you hardly even know her? Also, the way you’re talking about her as if she’s the key to everything… sounds a little crazy if you ask me given you hardly know the gal… I’d be a bit careful.” Sam doesn’t care and tracks back on to finding out who the hell this poor guy is in the first place. The guy still doesn’t answer and Sam gets angry and grabs the poor guy by the collar slightly roughing him up, the bouncers don’t notice and the tender notices is about to call the bouncers… The poor guy remarks at how surprised that this guy has a bit of a temper tantrum, an anger spark… interesting stuff but then he looks in the direction of the stage and tells Sam he might wanna actually start watching over his gal. Sam turns around swiftly and sees the gal is gone from the stage, he starts looking above and around the crowd, turning at every point to see where she might have gone. He then sees her to the far back right of the stage walking to a part of the back wall of the club. She’s there crying out for Sam and yelling at him HELP, PLEAASE and then vanishes as dry ice shoots out from the vents near by and envelope her. He can’t see her. He starts freaking out whispering to himself loudly where the hell did she go. He then turns around to shout it out to the poor guy but even that guy is gone from his sights. He doesn’t care though, he pushes his way through the crowd and stage and forces himself to the back part of the club where she disappeared. He comes up against a black wall. Nothing… he can’t see her to his left or right or anywhere, he starts pressing against the wall, punching against it angrily wondering WTF did she go and what is going on? A few bouncers see his behavior and start moving through the crowd to get to him so he can be escorted. He sees them and starts pounding even harder at different parts of the wall, then moves a little to the left and lands a hard right kick in sheer frustration half expecting the wall to give way or part of it to be damaged. Much to his amazement as his foot strikes, that part of the wall gives way like a door. Glancing inside all he can he is pure blackness and he can hear, almost feel this silence so strong and penetrating, his ears start ringing even with the loud club and lounge fusion music in the club. Seeing the bouncers are just a few feet away from him, he runs in not knowing what the hell this is all about, question after question. As he runs in, he’s surrounded in pure blackness, he has no idea where to move so he keeps running straight not looking behind him, he’s almost under complete sensory deprivation… no sense of sight, smell, sound nothing.. He finds as he’s moving in it’s much harder for him to breathe and he starts gasping for air as he’s tired from running so fast and far in. He drops to his knees grasping his neck, choking on no air. He’s then violently lifted by a massive flash gust of powerful wind. He flies upward what seems to be several feet off the black floor still surrounded in total darkness. Before he has any time to think, emote or even react with the exception of sheer fear, he’s smashed against some surface which knocks him out cold, unconscious.