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Snake-Eyes (GI Joe)


Oct 21, 2014
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Here's a rousing New Year's patriotic comic book fan-fiction about the unusual and awesome American 'super-hero' Snake-Eyes (GI Joe --- Hasbro/Marvel) and his mission to destroy homegrown terrorism in the modern streets of Los Angeles. Thanks for reading (and enjoy!),


Isaac, a Wake Forest professor of literature and psychology, was also the secret US government operative known as 'Snake-Eyes,' a helmet-wearing super-infiltrator working with the underground team of patriotic paramilitary operatives trained by the CIA known as GI Joes. Snake-Eyes (Isaac) was a first-rate infiltrator, a computer wizard, a ninja fighter, an explosives expert, and even a master sleuth and spy and thief. That's why the GI Joe commander, Duke, considered Isaac (Snake-Eyes) a valuable asset in a new American campaign involving media deflation of the evil propaganda forwarded online by the dark war consultant Baroness, female vizier of the super-terrorist organization Cobra. Snake-Eyes (Isaac) began planning ways to engage with the Baroness' evil online campaign and the applications to street violence. Snake-Eyes was thinking deeply about the quality of new age sociopolitical and even cultural dogma.


ISAAC (SNAKE-EYES): "My Joe uniform is both effective and efficient and enables me to operate."


The Baroness, no one knew, was actually a media celebrity who'd worked in various TV and Hollywood programs about the sheer complexity of modernism dystopian imagination, presenting and showcasing stories about metropolist super-paranoia. Only the GI Joe commander, Duke, suspected the Baroness was actually the media celebrity named Jennifer Star, but he had no evidence to prosecute. He simply ordered Snake-Eyes (Isaac) to track her while working on this new anti-terrorism media campaign with impact on the streets of the United States. This media celebrity who was actually the Baroness was as beautiful as she was secretly dangerous.


BARONESS: "After 9/11, the world cowered in fear at the frailty of homeland security, and we'll profit!"


Baroness ordered the Cobra ghoul Zartan to organize a team of bank robbers in California to perform high-stakes robberies with toy guns filled with corrosive acid and liquid nitrogen. She then blogged on the Internet abou the 'social intrigue' of modern toys being used for corrupt purposes and argued this was a clear sign of the volatility of consumerism and homegrown and homemade terrorism. Snake-Eyes knew that as Baroness blogged on the Internet about these bank robberies with acid and nitrogen guns organized by the Corba ghoul Zartan, Snake-Eyes'd have to find some way to counter all this modern street darkness.


ZARTAN: "My bank robbery crew wears rebellious masks of ex-presidents designed to appear evil!"


As Zartan drove around in his signature white Lamborghini in the streets of LA and dropped initiative orders for his 'ex-presidents' to perform more and more acid and nitrogen bank robberies, Snake-Eyes countered with special orders to deliver to the streets signs about the accessibility of patriotic deeds regarding the basic defense of capitalism dogma.


SNAKE-EYES (ISAAC): "We have to protect Americans from the temptation to seek plunder."


Snake-Eyes blogged about patriotic street activities and the Mummers Parade in Philadelphia and even included multiculturalism reflective anti-slavery Civil War dioramas to counter the Baroness' dark messages about the accessibility of acid and nitrogen guns in new age bank robberies. This was a stand against street cynicism, with the valiant Snake-Eyes on one side and Baroness and Zartan on the other. Cobra wanted this sort of patriotic creativity to be diluted in this modern age of terrorism-driven education and culture corruption.


SNAKE-EYES: There's toy guns on the street filled with corrosive acid or liquid nitrogen!
DUKE: Yeah, they fit these water-guns with glass tubes and fill the tubes with acid and nitrogen.
SNAKE-EYES: It's like a propaganda for creative chemical warfare now, even in America.
DUKE: Today's homegrown terrorists in America are either Internet hackers or bank robbers!
SNAKE-EYES: How do we present these troubles to the General Council of the United States?
DUKE: We have to be sure, Snake, that this sort of street chaos is not a new brand of anarchy!
SNAKE-EYES: Remember 9/11?
DUKE: Who can forget it, right?
SNAKE-EYES: Well, what do you want me to do?
DUKE: How about a media bank robbing campaign, designed to deflate Cobra's Baroness?
SNAKE-EYES: You want me to stage bank robberies with like toy guns filled with hot water?
DUKE: If Americans read about media stunts involving Joes robbing banks with funny guns, that's good.
SNAKE-EYES: What if it's counter-reactive and prompts madmen to do more random bank robberies?
DUKE: No, right now all the street rage is about bank robberies involving guns with acid/nitrogen!
SNAKE-EYES: Oh, right; well, I suppose if I perform elegant heists, the Baroness will fume.
DUKE: That's right; Cobra'll have no choice but to talk about 'random' crimes.
SNAKE-EYES: I suppose we should also stage a media event involving Fort Knox.
DUKE: Sure; a Fort Knox magic act will have kids talking about Houdini magic.
SNAKE-EYES: Who thought toys would become a thing of modern-day dread?
DUKE: The media generation of kids are impressionable and read stories about madmen!
SNAKE-EYES: Right; well, I'll see if I can recruit another Joe to help me with these media heists.
DUKE: Right; how about Lifeline or Roadblock?
SNAKE-EYES: Sounds good; you work with the Baroness media deflation campaign.
DUKE: Already started, Snake.


BARONESS: "If Snake-Eyes thinks he can erase the dogs for money, he'll be disappointed."


"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

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