G.I. Joe: Technical Difficulties

[JRPJCDJC]

This isn't a response to G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, rather the direction I hope they will take a sequel. This path could put the franchise in the direction everyone want's it to go and could still end up a real good franchise.

After watching it for a second time, this time at home, I noticed some great explanations for all the 'inaccuracies.'

For all intensive purposes, this WAS 'Rise of Cobra' not 'Forming of G.I. Joe.' The story of G.I. Joe never began with Cobra before. So now we know - Cobra was actually started before G.I. Joe.

What inaccuracies should the sequel set straight?

1. Rex IS NOT the Cobra Commander we all know and love. He is Baroness' brother and we all know what happened to Baroness' brother.

2. Vietnam - shortly after the disbanding of G.I. Joe after the events in film one, Snake Eyes(not rendered mute/only with a vow of silence,) Storm Shadow(the real Storm Shadow not the pupil of his Snake Eyes killed in Rise of Cobra), and Stalker(previously codenamed Ripcord) are on a mission to hunt down the recently escaped Doctor/Commander. Snake Eyes kills him - Rex is no more.

3. The new Cobra Commander - while in the hospital following the events of 'Rise of Cobra', the operative known as Duke was secretly injected with the nanomite technology by one Dr. Mindbender and under the influence of the Baroness' and Destro. That is correct - Channing Tatum is Cobra Commander.

4. The new Duke - really should've seen this coming, Gen. Hawk is handed a demotion and ordered to become operative Duke as a lesson to him for the debacle that cost the military the loss of one of it's best soldiers, the lives of many men and women, and the escapes of Destro, the Doctor, and Baroness. Hawk, now Duke, recorded the worst score in the training exercise so it seemed only fair to make sure he live with that every day He will remain Duke until this entire mess is corrected.

5. Heavy Duty/Roadblock - Duke(formerly Hawk) is obviously upset over his demotion. He takes out this frustration on Heavy Duty and changes his codename to Roadblock because, according to Duke, he just gets in the way.

6. Storm Shadow - all though the foot soldier of his gone rogue in part one was apparently having flashbacks, the real Storm Shadow would later go on to explain that his pupil's only knew what he wanted them to know of his past.

A couple of the inaccuracies I still can't explain are Zartan as president so soon, does the real Storm Shadow ever really become a Cobra, Destro being the trial lawyer for Snake Eyes in Baroness' brothers death, and Breaker - we know the deal with Ripcord now but why was Breaker from Morroco?

1. Breaker was just a codename. Following the new re-formation of G.I. Joe a new individual was given the codename Breaker.

2. If all the other 'inaccuracies' can be explained then so can the rest. It just takes a bit of thought. The entire events in Rise of Cobra was an intense training exercise and it was one that had gone bad. Destro was given the prestigous role of a military attorney as compensation from the government for his 'misfortunes.' This of course did not appease him and he did go on to form the real Cobra with the assistance of Baroness, Mindbender, and their new Cobra Commander. The real Storm Shadow took morals and ethics from the training exercise and believed the purpose of the entire exercise was to choose a side and he chose Cobra.

3. Zartan was also a part of the training exercise and upon it's completion he relinquished the president back his position and was scheduled to have the nanomites removed. Zartan decided he wanted to keep them nanomites and he went awol and subsequently formed the Dreadknocks.

Not sure if this installment would be the one to explain 'why' such an elaborate training exercise was undertaken with such a disregard for human life. All of it could be attributed to one sick and demented military officer known General Joe Colton.

YOUR NEW CAST:
Admiral Flagg -
General Hawk -
Duke - Dennis Quaid
Roadblock - Adwale Agbaje
Stalker - Marlon Wayans
Scarlett - Rachel Nichols
Snake Eyes - Ray Park
Breaker -
Grand Slam -
Short Fuze -
Flash -
Grunt -
Zap -
Steeler -
Clutch -

Cobra Commander - Channing Tatum
Destro - Christopher Eccleston
Baroness - Sienna Miller
Zartan - Arnold Vosloo
Storm Shadow -
Firefly -
Major Bludd -
Zandar -
Zarana -

So when are we going to see the preview for G.I. Joe II?

 

[Timstuff]

None of your changes make any sense, and if they made the movie that you are saying it would just be a giant WTF bomb. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I would rather they turn the Dreadnoks into a bunch of pot smoking hippies and make Roadblock be an Asian computer hacker who is Storm Shadow's cousin than watch the movie you described. Seriously, as far as bad sequels go, this would make Speed 2 look like The Empire Strikes Back.

And BTW, Cobra Commander / The Doctor was one of the best things about Rise of Cobra, so even if you hadn't written the rest of your post you would have lost some credibility for suggesting that he should not be the real Cobra Commander.

 

[JRPJCDJC]

None of your changes make any sense, and if they made the movie that you are saying it would just be a giant WTF bomb.

Spoken like a true smarmy, self absorbed horse's ass.

if this sounds harsh, I would rather they turn the Dreadnoks into a bunch of pot smoking hippies and make Roadblock be an Asian computer hacker who is Storm Shadow's cousin than watch the movie you described. Seriously, as far as bad sequels go, this would make Speed 2 look like The Empire Strikes Back.

You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?

BTW, Cobra Commander / The Doctor was one of the best things about Rise of Cobra, so even if you hadn't written the rest of your post you would have lost some credibility for suggesting that he should not be the real Cobra Commander.

HE'S NOT! He's a cheap Darth Vader rip-off who's origin's had no business being tampered with.

Sorry I couldn't make it easier for you to understand. Maybe next time I'll wrap some bows and laces on it and serve it with a glass of warm milk(to go along with the cookie cutter thinking you are obviously wanting.)

Like it or not, this is the only way to go with the franchise if it is not to be another casualty. The reason you may not be able to wrap your mind around the concept is because it's likely to large for one film - think BIGGER simpleton. It's basically a re-boot without actually having to restart the franchise. Could even call it 'G.I. Joe: Back to Basics' or 'G.I. Joe: Back to Boot Camp.'

1. Likely wouldn't be revealed that Duke was the new Cobra Commander until later on in the film. All we would really see of him was that he was working on his brothers used car lot for some odd reason. It would later be revealed that he left G.I. Joe under the influence of the nanomites.

2. I think you're having technical difficulties comprehending the U.S. Government actually sacrificing it's own men and women for a stupid training exercise. I'm sorry if that's not what your mama said Bobby Boucher but that's what 'G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra' was about. The cobra began rising once they first obtained operative Duke. He was long the apple of their eye since both the Doctor and Baroness knew he became involved and the training exercise began to unravel due to the rogue activities of the Doctor. Duke was, as you know, going to be their super soldier. Things didn't work out and when the Doctor was killed at a remote location in Vietnam by Snake Eyes, Duke became the go to guy. Duke already had the nanomites, which is why he was on a used car lot and not getting 're-booted' like the rest of the G.I. Joe members from the 'Rise of Cobra' disaster.

3. As for the training exercise, alot of the people involved thought the events that transpired were just an extension of it. Destro had no idea what was going on, he was just filling his role. That is why the government compensated him by making him a military attorny at his request.

4. Why did the training exercise evolve like it did, without anyone knowing it was out of control?
Because. One smarmy little know-it-all(like yourself) named Hawk thought he had the whole thing under control - he did not. When they actually computed final scores for the exercise Hawk scored lowest, Duke highest. Hawk was going to be discharged for his stupidity, but when Duke left the military they offered the position to Hawk. He abandoned the codename Hawk and became Duke.

5. Storm Shadow, as you may or may not know, was a part of the U.S. military before anything else. When this training exercise came up, Storm Shadow handled EVERY aspect of life as such. He felt it was safest for him to involve one of his pupils into the deeper depths of the exercise as opposed to himself. The REAL Storm Shadow, with his train of thinking, eventually backs himself right into Cobra.

6. Zartan was, of course, part of the training exercise as well. He, however, was not part of the Doctor's hijacking plan of sorts simply because know one knew who he was. This made the Doctor very uneasy and THAT was ultimately why he injected Zartan with the nanomites. Luckily for Zartan, he removed the mind control part of the process.

Need I explain further Smarmy McCookiecutter?

 

[C. Lee]

Need I explain further Smarmy McCookiecutter?

Wrap you brain around this....discuss, debate, and argue all you want....but leave the name calling and condescending attitude at home.

Need I explain further?

 

[JRPJCDJC]

Wrap you brain around this....discuss, debate, and argue all you want....but leave the name calling and condescending attitude at home.

Need I explain further?

Hmmmm, how cookie-cutteresque of you. Isn't that exactly how we've been taught to deal with a supposed problem like this?. That wasn't name calling or meant to be condescending either, just how it appears to me and that's why I label it cookie-cutteresque.

 

[Timstuff]

The key problem with all of your suggestions is that in your attempts to shoe-horn the movie's canon into the canon of the original series, you are only moving it further away from the source material. I do not remember Duke's origins in any of the mythos ever involving him having been General Hawk under a different name, or Cobra Commander having originally been another soldier named Duke, and those are only two examples from a whole laundry list of strange, illogical changes that you are advocating.

 

[C. Lee]

Hmmmm, how cookie-cutteresque of you. Isn't that exactly how we've been taught to deal with a supposed problem like this?. That wasn't name calling or meant to be condescending either, just how it appears to me and that's why I label it cookie-cutteresque.

And I label you troll.....that's how it appears to me.

 

[JRPJCDJC]

The key problem with all of your suggestions is that in your attempts to shoe-horn the movie's canon into the canon of the original series, you are only moving it further away from the source material. I do not remember Duke's origins in any of the mythos ever involving him having been General Hawk under a different name, or Cobra Commander having originally been another soldier named Duke, and those are only two examples from a whole laundry list of strange, illogical changes that you are advocating.

The thing is already f.u.b.a.r.. Just take the f.u.b.a.r. to another level and you'll see that f.u.b.a.r. is what G.I. Joe, like everything, ultimately was spawned from. And OF COURSE you wouldn't have heard any of that mythos before, the comic books were titled G.I. Joe and not Cobra.

Pffft... why would anyone tell you, me, or anyone else behind the scenes origins of Cobra and G.I. Joe anyways?

I know it's somewhat rooted in truth because I came up with it in like 10 friggin' minutes. If that story didn't already exist someplace, somewhere, in some alternate universe then I wouldn't have got through it so quickly. Geez... do I have to explain everything?

 

[Timstuff]

OK, you're obviously just trolling. Go away.

 

[JRPJCDJC]

OK, you're obviously just trolling. Go away.

cookie-cutter response >cough-cough<

Free your mind

 

[Timstuff]

No thanks, I don't do drugs.

 

[C. Lee]

cookie-cutter response >cough-cough<

Free your mind

Good-bye.

 

[.: The Cal :.]

None of your changes make any sense, and if they made the movie that you are saying it would just be a giant WTF bomb. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I would rather they turn the Dreadnoks into a bunch of pot smoking hippies and make Roadblock be an Asian computer hacker who is Storm Shadow's cousin than watch the movie you described. Seriously, as far as bad sequels go, this would make Speed 2 look like The Empire Strikes Back.

And BTW, Cobra Commander / The Doctor was one of the best things about Rise of Cobra, so even if you hadn't written the rest of your post you would have lost some credibility for suggesting that he should not be the real Cobra Commander.

Sorry man, but I agree with Timstuff...

 

[TheVelvetOnion]

Why do you hate Rex so much... The actor was brilliant, not someone i would of immediatly thought would play the Cobra Commander, but Steven Sommers must of saw something in him and i think they made a great choice...

 

[B-man]

I liked old Rex as Cobar Commander,

 

[Mace Dolex]

For one thing Cobra Commander's real name is CLASSIFIED, better to be left a mystery and not a silly name like "Rex".

Another thing it's only in the cartoon that CC is badly disfigured, in the comics he wore the mask for concealment, in the SNAKE-EYES DECLASSIFIED mini-series he's shown in flashbacks as an average looking guy like Robert Redford.

 

[Timstuff]

Rise of Cobra isn't the comic or the TV show, though. As we clearly saw in the movie, this version of Cobra Commander was an American soldier named Rex Lewis and was played by Joseph Gordon Levitt.

 

[BlackLantern]

and that worked for me....I think the "soap opera" elements....Baroness and Duke as a former couple, CC and Baroness as siblings has always been a part of GI Joe in one way or another...if I recall, Baroness got around quite a bit in the cartoon

 

[Timstuff]

True. Baroness was hanging off the arm of pretty much every guy except Cobra Commander, so the sibling connection isn't that big a stretch.

 

[BlackLantern]

IIRC she had her "office affair" with Destro, and she's gotten friendly with Shipwreck, Lifeline, Steeler....she had a weird thing for Lifeline because he wouldn't carry a weapon