So being nice can come off being creepy...

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by SoulManX, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. SoulManX The Inspector!

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2004
    Messages:
    11,034
    Likes Received:
    1
    What She Really Wants

    Is giving up your seat a show of respect or an act of outdated chauvinism? A panel of actual women tell all!



    Our lovely* panel:
    Katherine, 29, psychologist, Palo Alto, California
    Alyssa, 29, lawyer, Brooklyn
    Laura, 33, fashion-magazine editor, New York
    Patricia, 53, teacher, Cranston, Rhode Island
    ESQ: The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?
    Katherine: That depends. If you are a step or two ahead of me, I'd expect you to hold the door. If it's more than that, don't bother. If you're far ahead of me, it's like you're waiting and I feel like I have to hurry up.
    We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?
    Alyssa: I actually think the idea that men should get up for young, healthy women is ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of standing. I'm not a delicate flower who needs to sit.
    Laura: It would kind of freak me out a little bit, like I'm old and infirm and not a sassy young thing anymore.
    We think you may be pregnant -- it's hard to tell with those loose dresses. What do we do?
    Patricia: In that case, just offer the seat -- without asking when we're due. You don't have to say why you are getting up. Nothing looks worse than a man who makes a pregnant woman stand.
    A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?
    Katherine: I think a good rule of thumb is, if it looks like we're struggling, offer to help -- we'll really appreciate it.
    Alyssa: As much as I want to be pro-feminist and able-bodied, if I'm carrying something heavy, help a girl out.
    Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.
    Patricia: Helping me up the stairs is plenty. Just exit by asking, "Are you okay with this now?"
    Laura: I'd like you to help me take it through security, take my laptop out of the case, put it back in again, take my shoes off, and smuggle in my water. That is modern chivalry. I'd marry that man.
    We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?
    Laura: You already feel bad enough if you're crying in the street. It's better if nobody else acknowledges it.
    Katherine: If we happen to be standing next to, say, a broken-down car, ask if we need help or if we need to use your phone.
    It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.
    Katherine: Call us a cab, or ask if we have any friends who are still inside the bar. Any more and you could seem a little creepy.
    We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
    Patricia: Not unless it gets out of hand. If there's just an argument, respect people's privacy.
    Laura: If I were fighting with my boyfriend, I'd be already pissed off. There's chivalry and then there's delusions of being a knight in shining armor. Get lost.
    We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm.
    Katherine: If you know you don't stand a chance if you try to pull the guy off, then call the police. And let them know you're watching. Sometimes just the social pressure of knowing that somebody's looking at you or knowing that somebody's calling the police can help.
    We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?
    Laura: We are more than capable of dispensing with an undesirable man.
    Katherine: I would appreciate it if you came over and struck up a conversation with me and gave me an excuse to end the conversation with the other guy, but I'd probably assume you're hitting on me, too.
    *And by "lovely" we mean no patronizing offense.
     
  2. Ghostvirus Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2005
    Messages:
    10,861
    Likes Received:
    0
    Jesus. This is why once I get married that is it. If it works out fine, & if it doesn't. Hookers for life. This cryptic sh** is rediculous. I am going offer you a seat, & if a guy is getting physical I am going to step in. If you are crying, I am going to make sure you are alright. Deal with it b**ch!
     
  3. Sloth7d Escapist

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Messages:
    9,682
    Likes Received:
    0
    QFT
     
  4. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't know GV, all that was said there seems pretty straight forward and logical to me.
     
  5. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1
    The women in that article are simply saying that they are tired of guys who do "nice" things for them simply because they hope it will help them get into their pants, rather than just doing something for the sake of being nice and then going on their way.

    jag
     
  6. Sloth7d Escapist

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Messages:
    9,682
    Likes Received:
    0
    Everytime I do that, women look at me like I'm weird. Like if I did it with the intentions OF getting their number it'd be normal. Which it would. But I'm just saying.:o
     
  7. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, I mean, nothing in that article made me go "women drive me nuts" (and they still do that). These women just want to be treated with respect like anyone else.
    As a guy if I'm cursing on the street I don't want you coming up to me and asking "is there something wrong?" because chances are I'm going to respond "yes, and it's none of your goddamn business you f***ing punk". I'm not saying, of course, you are actually a punk...but that's how I'm going to treat you. If a woman is feeling bad, trust me, she doesn't want to be miss social at that moment. Talking about your problems is great and all, but I doubt they want to talk to an absolute stranger about them.
     
  8. Ghostvirus Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2005
    Messages:
    10,861
    Likes Received:
    0
    Um, no where in that article does it say that.
     
  9. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2003
    Messages:
    43,569
    Likes Received:
    1

    In the subtext.

    jag
     
  10. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    | read |
     
  11. terry78 My name is Stefan, sweet thang

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2004
    Messages:
    88,409
    Likes Received:
    8,331
    I think some people view it as being creepy, others view it as just having no manners. I remember on the train back from work, some dude got pissed at another dude because he didn't get up when he saw some chick standing in the aisle because all the seats were taken. Like he was honestly on the verge of beating the dude down for not offering.


    But most women will assume that any stranger that does something nice is subconsciously wanting in her pants. Even if he is just being decent. Basically, don't treat the females like ****, but don't put them on a pedestal either.
     
  12. Abaddon Watching

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2004
    Messages:
    38,933
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's also important to remember that a few women can't speak for everyone with a vagina. Right now I'm remembering an incident a few years ago, I saw two women carrying stuff behind me so I held the door for them as I went through. They were a good distance away and they weren't hurrying up so I just let the door go, and then one of the women gets upset that I didnt stand there like I don't have **** to do and wait for her slow ass.:whatever:
     
  13. Fran Banned User

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    30,114
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hahaha:dry:
     
  14. terry78 My name is Stefan, sweet thang

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2004
    Messages:
    88,409
    Likes Received:
    8,331
    Just come to grips that as guys, we can't do anything right. You'll be fine. :o
     
  15. GoldenAgeHero Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2005
    Messages:
    12,340
    Likes Received:
    0
    this is why i just stopped holding the doors for people and doing all the chivalry crap.
     
  16. Lighthouse Fairness, Equality, Bacon

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2003
    Messages:
    14,809
    Likes Received:
    2,036
    I think most of the responses are pretty reasonable. I'm glad to see more women responding like this, because it shows me convenient feminism isn't as bad as I thought.
     
  17. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ultimately you have to be your own person and live your own life. I see a lot of guys get this "White Knight" complex on here, this being a comic website and all.
     
  18. Sloth7d Escapist

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Messages:
    9,682
    Likes Received:
    0
    You couldn't tell from the answer to the pregnancy question?
    "Well, if we look pregnant, get up, but don't say why. But if you were wrong, we're now affended, plus you think we look fat. So now we are affended even more. However, if you were right and don't get up, you are a horrible person for making us stand."
     
  19. PyroChamber Not lactose, it's milk!

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    Messages:
    15,234
    Likes Received:
    1
    But what else is there?
     
  20. zanos Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2001
    Messages:
    6,810
    Likes Received:
    0
    I already know this is bull because no woman would want you interupt while they're being hit on David Spade.
     
  21. ShadowBoxing Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2004
    Messages:
    30,643
    Likes Received:
    0
    Spade is quite the pimp. He's hooked up with a number of hot hotties.
     
  22. chaseter Esteemed Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2006
    Messages:
    45,876
    Likes Received:
    50
    You and your boyfriend are in a public place yelling at each other and you tell others to respect your privacy? WTF:huh:
     
  23. Arkady Rossovich Registered

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2005
    Messages:
    7,408
    Likes Received:
    0
    American women fear alot of things now..
     
  24. terry78 My name is Stefan, sweet thang

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2004
    Messages:
    88,409
    Likes Received:
    8,331
    That's also an early sign of a chick that stays with the abusive guy.
     
  25. Knightsaber Priss Lone Wolf

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2002
    Messages:
    28,126
    Likes Received:
    0
    I guess I'm an old fashioned kind of girl because I secretly want guys to be courteous to me.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"