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So being nice can come off being creepy...

SoulManX

The Inspector!
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What She Really Wants

Is giving up your seat a show of respect or an act of outdated chauvinism? A panel of actual women tell all!



Our lovely* panel:
Katherine, 29, psychologist, Palo Alto, California
Alyssa, 29, lawyer, Brooklyn
Laura, 33, fashion-magazine editor, New York
Patricia, 53, teacher, Cranston, Rhode Island
ESQ: The scenario: We are walking into a building in front of you. Do we hold the door open?
Katherine: That depends. If you are a step or two ahead of me, I'd expect you to hold the door. If it's more than that, don't bother. If you're far ahead of me, it's like you're waiting and I feel like I have to hurry up.
We are seated on a packed train and you're standing next to us. Do we give up our seat?
Alyssa: I actually think the idea that men should get up for young, healthy women is ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of standing. I'm not a delicate flower who needs to sit.
Laura: It would kind of freak me out a little bit, like I'm old and infirm and not a sassy young thing anymore.
We think you may be pregnant -- it's hard to tell with those loose dresses. What do we do?
Patricia: In that case, just offer the seat -- without asking when we're due. You don't have to say why you are getting up. Nothing looks worse than a man who makes a pregnant woman stand.
A woman is lugging a large suitcase through the airport. Do we offer to help?
Katherine: I think a good rule of thumb is, if it looks like we're struggling, offer to help -- we'll really appreciate it.
Alyssa: As much as I want to be pro-feminist and able-bodied, if I'm carrying something heavy, help a girl out.
Okay, so we lug the case up a staircase for you. We would love to keep helping, but now we've got our own flight to catch.
Patricia: Helping me up the stairs is plenty. Just exit by asking, "Are you okay with this now?"
Laura: I'd like you to help me take it through security, take my laptop out of the case, put it back in again, take my shoes off, and smuggle in my water. That is modern chivalry. I'd marry that man.
We pass a woman walking down the street, crying. Do we do anything?
Laura: You already feel bad enough if you're crying in the street. It's better if nobody else acknowledges it.
Katherine: If we happen to be standing next to, say, a broken-down car, ask if we need help or if we need to use your phone.
It's late at night and we see you stumbling alone out of a bar, extremely drunk.
Katherine: Call us a cab, or ask if we have any friends who are still inside the bar. Any more and you could seem a little creepy.
We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
Patricia: Not unless it gets out of hand. If there's just an argument, respect people's privacy.
Laura: If I were fighting with my boyfriend, I'd be already pissed off. There's chivalry and then there's delusions of being a knight in shining armor. Get lost.
We don't do anything, but then it starts to get physical -- we see him grab you by the arm.
Katherine: If you know you don't stand a chance if you try to pull the guy off, then call the police. And let them know you're watching. Sometimes just the social pressure of knowing that somebody's looking at you or knowing that somebody's calling the police can help.
We are at a bar when we see you being aggressively hit on by David Spade. What now?
Laura: We are more than capable of dispensing with an undesirable man.
Katherine: I would appreciate it if you came over and struck up a conversation with me and gave me an excuse to end the conversation with the other guy, but I'd probably assume you're hitting on me, too.
*And by "lovely" we mean no patronizing offense.
 
Jesus. This is why once I get married that is it. If it works out fine, & if it doesn't. Hookers for life. This cryptic sh** is rediculous. I am going offer you a seat, & if a guy is getting physical I am going to step in. If you are crying, I am going to make sure you are alright. Deal with it b**ch!
 
Jesus. This is why once I get married that is it. If it works out fine, & if it doesn't. Hookers for life. This cryptic sh** is rediculous. I am going offer you a seat, & if a guy is getting physical I am going to step in. If you are crying, I am going to make sure you are alright. Deal with it b**ch!

QFT
 
I don't know GV, all that was said there seems pretty straight forward and logical to me.
 
The women in that article are simply saying that they are tired of guys who do "nice" things for them simply because they hope it will help them get into their pants, rather than just doing something for the sake of being nice and then going on their way.

jag
 
Everytime I do that, women look at me like I'm weird. Like if I did it with the intentions OF getting their number it'd be normal. Which it would. But I'm just saying.:o
 
The women in that article are simply saying that they are tired of guys who do "nice" things for them simply because they hope it will help them get into their pants, rather than just doing something for the sake of being nice and then going on their way.

jag
Yeah, I mean, nothing in that article made me go "women drive me nuts" (and they still do that). These women just want to be treated with respect like anyone else.
Ghostvirus said:
If you are crying, I am going to make sure you are alright. Deal with it b**ch!
As a guy if I'm cursing on the street I don't want you coming up to me and asking "is there something wrong?" because chances are I'm going to respond "yes, and it's none of your goddamn business you f***ing punk". I'm not saying, of course, you are actually a punk...but that's how I'm going to treat you. If a woman is feeling bad, trust me, she doesn't want to be miss social at that moment. Talking about your problems is great and all, but I doubt they want to talk to an absolute stranger about them.
 
The women in that article are simply saying that they are tired of guys who do "nice" things for them simply because they hope it will help them get into their pants, rather than just doing something for the sake of being nice and then going on their way.

jag

Um, no where in that article does it say that.
 
I think some people view it as being creepy, others view it as just having no manners. I remember on the train back from work, some dude got pissed at another dude because he didn't get up when he saw some chick standing in the aisle because all the seats were taken. Like he was honestly on the verge of beating the dude down for not offering.


But most women will assume that any stranger that does something nice is subconsciously wanting in her pants. Even if he is just being decent. Basically, don't treat the females like ****, but don't put them on a pedestal either.
 
It's also important to remember that a few women can't speak for everyone with a vagina. Right now I'm remembering an incident a few years ago, I saw two women carrying stuff behind me so I held the door for them as I went through. They were a good distance away and they weren't hurrying up so I just let the door go, and then one of the women gets upset that I didnt stand there like I don't have **** to do and wait for her slow ass.:whatever:
 
Jesus. This is why once I get married that is it. If it works out fine, & if it doesn't. Hookers for life. This cryptic sh** is rediculous. I am going offer you a seat, & if a guy is getting physical I am going to step in. If you are crying, I am going to make sure you are alright. Deal with it b**ch!

Hahaha:dry:
 
Just come to grips that as guys, we can't do anything right. You'll be fine. :o
 
this is why i just stopped holding the doors for people and doing all the chivalry crap.
 
I think most of the responses are pretty reasonable. I'm glad to see more women responding like this, because it shows me convenient feminism isn't as bad as I thought.
 
Ultimately you have to be your own person and live your own life. I see a lot of guys get this "White Knight" complex on here, this being a comic website and all.
 
Just come to grips that as guys, we can't do anything right. You'll be fine. :o

You couldn't tell from the answer to the pregnancy question?
"Well, if we look pregnant, get up, but don't say why. But if you were wrong, we're now affended, plus you think we look fat. So now we are affended even more. However, if you were right and don't get up, you are a horrible person for making us stand."
 
I think some people view it as being creepy, others view it as just having no manners. I remember on the train back from work, some dude got pissed at another dude because he didn't get up when he saw some chick standing in the aisle because all the seats were taken. Like he was honestly on the verge of beating the dude down for not offering.


But most women will assume that any stranger that does something nice is subconsciously wanting in her pants. Even if he is just being decent. Basically, don't treat the females like ****, but don't put them on a pedestal either.
But what else is there?
 
I already know this is bull because no woman would want you interupt while they're being hit on David Spade.
 
I already know this is bull because no woman would want you interupt while they're being hit on David Spade.
Spade is quite the pimp. He's hooked up with a number of hot hotties.
 
We are in a parking lot and see you fighting loudly with a man, probably your boyfriend. Do we intervene?
Patricia: Not unless it gets out of hand. If there's just an argument, respect people's privacy.
Laura: If I were fighting with my boyfriend, I'd be already pissed off. There's chivalry and then there's delusions of being a knight in shining armor. Get lost.
You and your boyfriend are in a public place yelling at each other and you tell others to respect your privacy? WTF:huh:
 
That's also an early sign of a chick that stays with the abusive guy.
 
I guess I'm an old fashioned kind of girl because I secretly want guys to be courteous to me.
 

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