Spider-Man movie one-liners challenge

[Jordacar]

One of the big complaints about the Spidey movie trilogy is not enough one-liners and wise-cracking. This is of course understandable: Inner monologue is not very conducive to the constant movement in a movie, and forget about dropping zingers in the middle of a fight, with fists, debris, and other ***** flying everywhere at once. So...

Here's a little challenge: find a moment or two in the trilogy where a nice verbal zinger would actually fit. And be specific.

Extra points if you can come up with a good one-liner for that moment.

 

[3dman27]

remembere when spidey rescued mj from the goblin at the unity festival

mj" thanks mister"
spidey my pleasure miss but with that outfit on you look like you could've kicked his can yourself"
mj "huh?, oh eah i do look a little like CHUIN LI in this dresstoo bad i don't have her moves or iron maN JR. WOULD BE THE GREEN soccer ball NOT THE GOBLIN

 

[November Rain]

easy challenge, straight after this, spidey looks up and says...

Spidey: SON of a BEACH!?!?!?!

 

[Vaportrail]

I'm trying to remember the one's he DID have.
"Here's your change!" was pretty good.
"You're out, Gobby. Out of your mind!"

Wow, he really doesn't have many, does he?
He keeps being put in situations too serious for wise-cracking. For the Mary Jane moments, it just wouldn't be fitting. The train fight w/ Ock + jokes? I don't think so. It could work in a comic, but for dramatic film, I'm not so sure.

The villains seem to have a lot better lines than him. I especially liked "My spider sense is tingling, if you know what I'm talking about."
Good ol' Venom.

-Vaportrail

 

[Redwoods Wolf]

Edit.

 

[The Chris]

Don't know if they're official wisecracks, but their humorous
"Jigs up pal"
"Guess you haven't heard, I'm the sheriff around these parts"
"Hey kiddo, let mom and dad talk for a minute will ya"
"Get's kinda itchy, Rides up in the crouch a little bit too"
"Look at little goblin jr, gonna cry?"
"A couple minutes ago wouldn't have been so bad either"
"Where do all these guys come from"
"It's you who's out gobby, out of your mind"
"Here's your change"

 

[Hole Shot]

I'm trying to remember the one's he DID have.
"Here's your change!" was pretty good.
"You're out, Gobby. Out of your mind!"

Wow, he really doesn't have many, does he?
He keeps being put in situations too serious for wise-cracking. For the Mary Jane moments, it just wouldn't be fitting. The train fight w/ Ock + jokes? I don't think so. It could work in a comic, but for dramatic film, I'm not so sure.

The villains seem to have a lot better lines than him. I especially liked "My spider sense is tingling, if you know what I'm talking about."
Good ol' Venom.

-Vaportrail

The only one that sticks out in the first movie is when he shoots Jameson in the mouth and says something like "Quite! Mom & dad are talking!"


edit: Chris, posted the correct line ""Hey kiddo, let mom and dad talk for a minute will ya"

 

[Warhammer]

The "Hey Kiddo" line is one of my favorite lines, ever.

 

[Jolie_Desastre]

The only one that sticks out in the first movie is when he shoots Jameson in the mouth and says something like "Quite! Mom & dad are talking!"


edit: Chris, posted the correct line ""Hey kiddo, let mom and dad talk for a minute will ya"

haha i loved that line

 

[CFE]

Yeah the problem with the films is that Spidey, to me, didn't quip enough. And when he did, it wasn't well done...every single wisecrack was cringe-inducingly forced.

There are just some very hammy lines that I loathe:

Goblin: "WE'LL MEET AGAIN, SPIDER-MAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!"
Octavius: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Sandman: "End of the line, Spider-Man!!!!"

But IMO the worst dialogue belongs to Willem Dafoe and Rosemary Harris...

"DELIVER US!!!!!!!!"
"Finish it...FINISH IT!"
"FROM EEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

yuck

CFE

 

[Jordacar]

Here's some spots from the Doc Ock battle (coincidently the best part of the trilogy t: ) I found that could hold a quip or two:

-When Spidey hurls the clock-hand back at Ock
:"I think you DROPPED THIS!"
-Just after the opposite train misses Spidey, and he searches for Ock on top
:Some non-sequiter, like "Don't leave now, Doc. We're making real progress." Then Ock knocks him off the train.

And maybe a quick one-liner to the two passengers he catches after Ock throws them.

 

[Jordacar]

Oh yeah, in part 3 when he faces off with the Sandman monster:
"Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot..."

 

[DawnWarrior]

In SM2, the fight in the bank where Ock is squeezing Spidey's head with his metal arms, Spidey could toss out some quip TO DESTRACT DOC while he's webbing the two desks. Something about how they should stop all this fighting and grab a drink or something.

You know, they could have inserted any of these quips as like an afterthought. You know, give Tobey Maguire a call, "Hey Tobey, we looked over the first cut, and we're not sure if Spidey's tossing out enough jokes. Wanna come in for some dubbing?"

 

[Hypestyle]

they should hire a marvel writer to specifically write the jokes for spidey.. the writers so far haven't nailed it yet..

 

[Mr Jide]

sm3 is the only spidey movie that actually had the most and some half decent quips.

 

[Mr Jide]

Here's some spots from the Doc Ock battle (coincidently the best part of the trilogy t: ) I found that could hold a quip or two:

-When Spidey hurls the clock-hand back at Ock
:"I think you DROPPED THIS!"
-Just after the opposite train misses Spidey, and he searches for Ock on top
:Some non-sequiter, like "Don't leave now, Doc. We're making real progress." Then Ock knocks him off the train.

And maybe a quick one-liner to the two passengers he catches after Ock throws them.

Yes, that could have worked and made that entire scene even better.

 

[November Rain]

the only problem is that fight was one where pete was obviously pretty pissed off, dare i say almost as pissed off as he was against sandman in spidey 3...

it wouldn't feel right to have quips there because it was spidey who sought after ock and pretty much wanted his blood.

 

[Mr Jide]

But thats the thing about quips. Not all quips are intentionally witty jokes. Jordacar's example imo works because the first line about dropping something can be viewd and delivered like a non-sequiter retort and for the real progess line, if that did come off as too jokey then something along the lines of spidey asking himself where Ock is could have been used, like "Come on Octopus, where are you?"

 

[November Rain]

i find pete tends not to quip when the stakes are either really high or if he's very pissed.

I think his instincts to get mj overrode his ability to take the situation lightly.

 

[Vaportrail]

Plus, in the comics they tend to have these drawn out wordy conversations when they fight. In a comic, it's assumed you're not seeing every move of a fight. Countless panels I've seen, I've thought "He got all that out while doing that little bit? Cripes. Fast talker."
In a film, where we do see everything, it's harder for them to chat like that, and unnecessary since the action drives the action, and doesn't need chatter to support it.

I think they got the general feel down. Sometimes he's chatty, but when he's concentrated and in the moment, the jokes go out the window. That has happened in the comics, too. (I recall his beat down on Goblin II, actually. That was so great.)

-Vaportrail

 

[Mr Jide]

i find pete tends not to quip when the stakes are either really high or if he's very pissed.

True but that doesn't mean spidey doesn't talk either. On many occasions, during serious situations, spidey has often engaged in speech, wether its to his adversay or to himself. There have been times were spidey talks to himself, either questionning his logic, questionning the situation or simply as a means to motivate himself. On the other hand, as the villain usually goads spidey, spidey has often made a sardonic comment in return but within the context and seriouness of the threat level.

I think his instincts to get mj overrode his ability to take the situation lightly.

Agreed and to me not only did the film makers mess this up, they also messed up the potential path they could have used to allow spidey to at least say a few words ain to what I mentioned in the post above.

 

[Jordacar]

Don't know if they're official wisecracks, but their humorous
"Jigs up pal"
"Guess you haven't heard, I'm the sheriff around these parts"
"Hey kiddo, let mom and dad talk for a minute will ya"
"Get's kinda itchy, Rides up in the crouch a little bit too"
"Look at little goblin jr, gonna cry?"
"A couple minutes ago wouldn't have been so bad either"
"Where do all these guys come from"
"It's you who's out gobby, out of your mind"
"Here's your change"

Don't forget his fight with Bonesaw:
"That's a nice outfit. Did your husband give it to you?"

 

[Jordacar]

Oh yeah, and at some point, Spidey would toss off "Octo-*****!"

 

[DawnWarrior]

In SM2, the fight in the bank where Ock is squeezing Spidey's head with his metal arms, Spidey could toss out some quip TO DESTRACT DOC while he's webbing the two desks. Something about how they should stop all this fighting and grab a drink or something.

Okay, I got it: Ock closes his pinchers around Spidey's head. Spidey grunts out: "Look, Doc. We don't have to do this now. What do you say we head to a bar, [thwip] pick up a couple chicks, [thwip] maybe talk about our FEELINGS!" [PULL].

Oh yeah, and at some point, Spidey would toss off "Octo-*****!"

I'd say when Spidey pulls him off the clock tower. "Come on, Octopussy!!"

And maybe a quick one-liner to the two passengers he catches after Ock throws them.

Perhaps yet another Superman reference, when he catches the second guy? "I hope this doesn't put you off trains!"

A big part of the quips to me is in distracting his opponents and causing them to get frustrated in that they're working hard to kill Spidey, and Spidey seems to be acting like it's all a game that he happens to be winning. (He DOESN'T REALLY think it's a game, but tactically he wants the bad guys to THINK that). Nothing is quite as frustrating to a super-villain, it seems, than a hero with no respect for the effort. They then get more agitated until they start making mistakes.

 

[Creature SH]

Spidey's quips have been explained to serve several functions in the comics. The main ones are to distract the foe, and to relief his own tension, overcome his fear.

In fact, his quipping has been noted as a remarkable character trait on a few occasions, especially when he was being crucified alive (obviously) and just wouldn't shut up out of defiance.