Killswitch
Civilian
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- Jan 28, 2001
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Spider's from Mars
a small adventure in the Marvel Universe
Note: This happens pre-Civil War, obviously, or in the Ultimate universe
"Chapter meeting calls to order, Upper New York State UFO society. May I have a motion to review last week's minutes."
From the back of the room -- at least as far back as you could get in a cramped New York university dorm without tripping over pizza boxes ---- Milton Speckman chuckled slightly. The word "society" always sounded funny to him. At least, when it was said about five guys in a circle, talking about the latest internet message boards for UFO sightings after class. .
That was it: The New York upper state UFO society.
A small group of sophomores - engineering, chemistry mostly ---- with one thing in common: All were interested with UFOs and aliens. Science. Super-heroes.
And Milton had something to show them tonight.
"Guys -- I thought of something the other night," he said, rooting through a backpack.
He brought out a blank DVD entitled "Spider footage" and placed in in the computer's cd tray.
Soon, a news report was playing --- New York's latest so-called super-hero battle between Spider-Man and some kind of robot with four metallic arms; or maybe it was a guy with four metallic arms. It was hard to tell because they were moving too fast.
"Look at this guy," Milton said, tapping the computer screen.
"Yeah, Spider-Man," said one friend, with a tone of admiration.
"Spider-man!" said another, with a tone of surprise.
"You ever wonder why he covers his whole face? "
Around the room were blank stares
"Check it out."
Milton pressed pause. In the fourth turn of some impossible backflip, Spider-Man froze in mid-air. "Look at those eyes, man. Almond shaped."
More blank stares.
"And look how thin he is. That's like, unnaturally thin."
Blank stares. Sips of beer.
Milton couldn't take it anymore.
"I think he's a gray, man!"
'A what?"
"A gray! " Milton replied. "Like on X-Files. Grey alien."
Laughter rang out, but Milton continued.
"Seriously. Look at the clues. This guy ----- he covers his whole face. Round head."
He fast forwarded the footage until Spider-Man looked at the camera for a brief instant. The white eyes of the mask were inscrutable; perfectly opaque.
"See the head shape?" Milton said. "I don't see any ears."
More laughs. But he wasn't done yet.
"Look at the way he moves. He's not human, I am telling you. He's -- I don't know -- he's double jointed or something. Rubber arms and legs. Plus he always keeps his fingers out like this," he said, and displayed a hand with fingers outstretched, like he was holding a basketball.
"That doesn't mean he's an alien," said one friend, with a laugh..
"Okay, but I am telling you, man -- nobody human moves that way. I think Spider-Man is a visitor from space."
(...)
Later that night, Milton was skateboarding across campus. He tugged at his backpack and looked up to the night sky-- with a quick look at the girls' dorm room windows, just in case.
"Hey --- what if," he said and shrugged. What if.
He wished he could go the Fantastic Four or the Avengers or something and suggest his idea, but he knew that was pointless. The average person had a better chance of meeting the Queen and the President on the same day than meeting a super-celeb like Reed Richards. Or Spider-Man.
Maybe he should write to Stan Lee.
Suddenly --- enough he swerved his skateboard out of the way and almost fell --- a black car swerved across the road and bumped onto the sidewalk.
Milton thought it must have been a drunk driver, because the car kept going until it was completely off the road. It knocked over a Daily Bugle box, sending papers flying everywhere.
A man with a black mask, awkwardly holding three black suitcases stumbled outside. Slung across the back of his suit jacket was what looked like a japanese katana blade. Two other men -- also in suits, sunglasses at night -- walked out of the car's back doors. One man started running into the woods, top speed, while the other two started shouting after him, and after each other.
Milton had already jumped into the ditch. .
There was a moment of pure terror, as he grabbed his skateboard and prepared to defend himself.
Then he heard a sound.
A sound that sounded like "thwip."
And another sound that sounded like "clunk."
Slowly, he looked above.
And hanging upside down on a light pole like some crazy insect --- was Spider-Man.
"Geeeeeentlemen! Let me help you with that luggage!" said Spider-Man with an actor's projection. . And with a quick flip he launched himself off the lamp post and jumped --- leaped, really --- clearing the whole street while doing at least three flips --- and landed on the roof of the car.
Milton couldn't help himself.
"Awesome," he said.
What happened next was like the greatest circus act Milton had ever seen --- a choreographed Jackie Chan routine, where Spider-Man dodged the katana blade swings and punches of the two men effortlessly. It couldn't have lasted more than five seconds before they were both upside-down, hanging from the lamp-post directly over him.
For a moment, Milton was reminded of that scene in The Hobbit where the dwarves are held prisoner.
And then with another *twip* (and an extra backflip) Spider-Man landed near the lamppost. Across his back, slung like a sack of gym clothes, was the third man, also wrapped in a coccoon. He was angrily breathing through his nose, because his mouth was covered in webbing. Milton couldn't help himself.
'Hey -- S--s- Spider-Man!" he said from the bottom of the ditch.
The white eyes of the mask seemed to focus on him.
"You okay kid?" said Spider-Man.
And the first thing that registered in Milton's brain was -- nothing. He was speechless.
( (...)
"Oh don't tell me -- you're a new superhero? the mime?"
Suddenly Spider-Man was trapped in an invisible box, scuttling sideways. It was a joke so lame --- but the guy was still bouncing on Spider-man's back, moaning --- so Milton had to laugh.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he said. "Wow. My -- my mind is blown. What -- who were those guys? Who is this guy?"
As if suddenly noticing, Spider-Man tossed the third man up in the air and affixed him to the lamp-post with webbing, like baggage being tossed at the airport.. The three men held there, dangling like sides of beef in a meat locker.
"Just a couple of international diamond thieves working for a japanese mafia cartel, who I believe is working in cahoots with Wilson Fisk. Regular tuesday night," said Spider-Man, cracking his knucles for effect. .
Was he smiling under the mask?
Suddenly, the absurdity of it all hit Milton. Here he was, talking with Spider-Man in the middle of the street, right off campus.
Maybe he was meeting a space alien.
"Can I ask..."
"Cell phone picture? Sure thing kid," he said.
There was a pause while Spider-Man did an impressive backflip and struck a crouching "double gun fingers" pose.
And then, seeing no cell-phone, straightened.
"Ahem," he said.
Spider-Man awkwardly brushed dust off the suit.
"I'm in too many pictures anyway," he said.
Milton finally spoke.
"Where are you from?" he finally said.
"That's secret information, pal," said Spider-Man.
"No, I mean -- are you from here? Are you from, you know....."
"New Jersey?"
"....outer space?" finished Milton.
There was a moment of silence, and because of the mask Milton wasn't sure what Spider-man was thinking.
But then Spider-Man laughed.
And burst out laughing even more.
Guffawed.
"SPACE? Come on, kid, what do I look like?"
"Well -- I don't know, I mean, I thought ... with the eyes, you..."
Spider-man seemed really amused. It was strange seeing him just standing there. From this distance, thought Milton, the suit looked really home-made.
"Look kid -- I'll be honest. I might have been to a few different dimentaions in my time. Maybe I've been to other planets. Alternate universes. Don't get me started on the black suit. But I am definitely NOT a space-alien.."
There was a pause. Police sirens could suddenly be heard faintly.
"But if it makes you feel better...live long and prosper kid.."
A gloved hand made the "V' Star Trek salute, and Spider-Man leaped away, to a brick wall to a windowsill to a rooftop and gone, like a human pinball. Or a tree frog. He really moved strangely.
"Wow," said Milton, as police sirens started flooding the area.
"Wait until I tell the guys," he said.
Indeed, he thought, this was probably the coolest thing that ever happened to any member of the upper New York state UFO society.
The chemistry and engineering students, who loved science and UFOs and weren't good with girls.
One of them was Peter Parker.
-end-
a small adventure in the Marvel Universe
Note: This happens pre-Civil War, obviously, or in the Ultimate universe
"Chapter meeting calls to order, Upper New York State UFO society. May I have a motion to review last week's minutes."
From the back of the room -- at least as far back as you could get in a cramped New York university dorm without tripping over pizza boxes ---- Milton Speckman chuckled slightly. The word "society" always sounded funny to him. At least, when it was said about five guys in a circle, talking about the latest internet message boards for UFO sightings after class. .
That was it: The New York upper state UFO society.
A small group of sophomores - engineering, chemistry mostly ---- with one thing in common: All were interested with UFOs and aliens. Science. Super-heroes.
And Milton had something to show them tonight.
"Guys -- I thought of something the other night," he said, rooting through a backpack.
He brought out a blank DVD entitled "Spider footage" and placed in in the computer's cd tray.
Soon, a news report was playing --- New York's latest so-called super-hero battle between Spider-Man and some kind of robot with four metallic arms; or maybe it was a guy with four metallic arms. It was hard to tell because they were moving too fast.
"Look at this guy," Milton said, tapping the computer screen.
"Yeah, Spider-Man," said one friend, with a tone of admiration.
"Spider-man!" said another, with a tone of surprise.
"You ever wonder why he covers his whole face? "
Around the room were blank stares
"Check it out."
Milton pressed pause. In the fourth turn of some impossible backflip, Spider-Man froze in mid-air. "Look at those eyes, man. Almond shaped."
More blank stares.
"And look how thin he is. That's like, unnaturally thin."
Blank stares. Sips of beer.
Milton couldn't take it anymore.
"I think he's a gray, man!"
'A what?"
"A gray! " Milton replied. "Like on X-Files. Grey alien."
Laughter rang out, but Milton continued.
"Seriously. Look at the clues. This guy ----- he covers his whole face. Round head."
He fast forwarded the footage until Spider-Man looked at the camera for a brief instant. The white eyes of the mask were inscrutable; perfectly opaque.
"See the head shape?" Milton said. "I don't see any ears."
More laughs. But he wasn't done yet.
"Look at the way he moves. He's not human, I am telling you. He's -- I don't know -- he's double jointed or something. Rubber arms and legs. Plus he always keeps his fingers out like this," he said, and displayed a hand with fingers outstretched, like he was holding a basketball.
"That doesn't mean he's an alien," said one friend, with a laugh..
"Okay, but I am telling you, man -- nobody human moves that way. I think Spider-Man is a visitor from space."
(...)
Later that night, Milton was skateboarding across campus. He tugged at his backpack and looked up to the night sky-- with a quick look at the girls' dorm room windows, just in case.
"Hey --- what if," he said and shrugged. What if.
He wished he could go the Fantastic Four or the Avengers or something and suggest his idea, but he knew that was pointless. The average person had a better chance of meeting the Queen and the President on the same day than meeting a super-celeb like Reed Richards. Or Spider-Man.
Maybe he should write to Stan Lee.
Suddenly --- enough he swerved his skateboard out of the way and almost fell --- a black car swerved across the road and bumped onto the sidewalk.
Milton thought it must have been a drunk driver, because the car kept going until it was completely off the road. It knocked over a Daily Bugle box, sending papers flying everywhere.
A man with a black mask, awkwardly holding three black suitcases stumbled outside. Slung across the back of his suit jacket was what looked like a japanese katana blade. Two other men -- also in suits, sunglasses at night -- walked out of the car's back doors. One man started running into the woods, top speed, while the other two started shouting after him, and after each other.
Milton had already jumped into the ditch. .
There was a moment of pure terror, as he grabbed his skateboard and prepared to defend himself.
Then he heard a sound.
A sound that sounded like "thwip."
And another sound that sounded like "clunk."
Slowly, he looked above.
And hanging upside down on a light pole like some crazy insect --- was Spider-Man.
"Geeeeeentlemen! Let me help you with that luggage!" said Spider-Man with an actor's projection. . And with a quick flip he launched himself off the lamp post and jumped --- leaped, really --- clearing the whole street while doing at least three flips --- and landed on the roof of the car.
Milton couldn't help himself.
"Awesome," he said.
What happened next was like the greatest circus act Milton had ever seen --- a choreographed Jackie Chan routine, where Spider-Man dodged the katana blade swings and punches of the two men effortlessly. It couldn't have lasted more than five seconds before they were both upside-down, hanging from the lamp-post directly over him.
For a moment, Milton was reminded of that scene in The Hobbit where the dwarves are held prisoner.
And then with another *twip* (and an extra backflip) Spider-Man landed near the lamppost. Across his back, slung like a sack of gym clothes, was the third man, also wrapped in a coccoon. He was angrily breathing through his nose, because his mouth was covered in webbing. Milton couldn't help himself.
'Hey -- S--s- Spider-Man!" he said from the bottom of the ditch.
The white eyes of the mask seemed to focus on him.
"You okay kid?" said Spider-Man.
And the first thing that registered in Milton's brain was -- nothing. He was speechless.
( (...)
"Oh don't tell me -- you're a new superhero? the mime?"
Suddenly Spider-Man was trapped in an invisible box, scuttling sideways. It was a joke so lame --- but the guy was still bouncing on Spider-man's back, moaning --- so Milton had to laugh.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he said. "Wow. My -- my mind is blown. What -- who were those guys? Who is this guy?"
As if suddenly noticing, Spider-Man tossed the third man up in the air and affixed him to the lamp-post with webbing, like baggage being tossed at the airport.. The three men held there, dangling like sides of beef in a meat locker.
"Just a couple of international diamond thieves working for a japanese mafia cartel, who I believe is working in cahoots with Wilson Fisk. Regular tuesday night," said Spider-Man, cracking his knucles for effect. .
Was he smiling under the mask?
Suddenly, the absurdity of it all hit Milton. Here he was, talking with Spider-Man in the middle of the street, right off campus.
Maybe he was meeting a space alien.
"Can I ask..."
"Cell phone picture? Sure thing kid," he said.
There was a pause while Spider-Man did an impressive backflip and struck a crouching "double gun fingers" pose.
And then, seeing no cell-phone, straightened.
"Ahem," he said.
Spider-Man awkwardly brushed dust off the suit.
"I'm in too many pictures anyway," he said.
Milton finally spoke.
"Where are you from?" he finally said.
"That's secret information, pal," said Spider-Man.
"No, I mean -- are you from here? Are you from, you know....."
"New Jersey?"
"....outer space?" finished Milton.
There was a moment of silence, and because of the mask Milton wasn't sure what Spider-man was thinking.
But then Spider-Man laughed.
And burst out laughing even more.
Guffawed.
"SPACE? Come on, kid, what do I look like?"
"Well -- I don't know, I mean, I thought ... with the eyes, you..."
Spider-man seemed really amused. It was strange seeing him just standing there. From this distance, thought Milton, the suit looked really home-made.
"Look kid -- I'll be honest. I might have been to a few different dimentaions in my time. Maybe I've been to other planets. Alternate universes. Don't get me started on the black suit. But I am definitely NOT a space-alien.."
There was a pause. Police sirens could suddenly be heard faintly.
"But if it makes you feel better...live long and prosper kid.."
A gloved hand made the "V' Star Trek salute, and Spider-Man leaped away, to a brick wall to a windowsill to a rooftop and gone, like a human pinball. Or a tree frog. He really moved strangely.
"Wow," said Milton, as police sirens started flooding the area.
"Wait until I tell the guys," he said.
Indeed, he thought, this was probably the coolest thing that ever happened to any member of the upper New York state UFO society.
The chemistry and engineering students, who loved science and UFOs and weren't good with girls.
One of them was Peter Parker.
-end-
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