Texts From Last Night

[Victarion]

(510):

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cool!

 

[ComicChick]

What site is this? This is f***ing awesome.

title of the thread + .com = lol

 

[NotAHenchwench]

This website is really hilarious. I need to read more of them in my daily life.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

(617):

I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978):

Prove it.




This next guy had to be incredibly wasted:

(323):

You got in a fight last night?

(818):

Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

(323):

Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?




(502):

I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!




(602):

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

(623):

You mean Doughnuts?

(602):

......No



(541):

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

 

[ManCubMowgli]

(519):

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

Haha

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

Hahaha :haha:

 

[BlackLantern]

some lovely gems from Connecticut:
(203):
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.

(203):
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

(203):
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.

 

[SuperFerret]

(315):

She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

I've got to admit, that's pretty hot.

 

[BlackLantern]

(541):

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

that is awesome

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Haha! Very nice.

 

[BlackLantern]

(305):

I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

 

[ManCubMowgli]

(717):

how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
(1-717):

you don't.

Actually lol'd

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Lol!!!

 

[Maximum Carnage]

(239): View more from Florida

I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?



I posted this one.. lol! My friend texted me this, wasted, on campus. xD!!!

 

[BlackLantern]

(937):

just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Haha.