The all things Halloween Thread

[Assassin]

Post Jokes, Pics, thoughts what ever you want as long as its Halloween!

I have some sweet Pics of Pumpkin carvings but i'm at work and i'll upload them later but here are a few Jokes to start off...


A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock
on the door of a house and the man who answers it
says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you
supposed to be?"
"We're Jack and Jill" she replied.
The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're
black!" So, they go off and a while
later they come back dressed differently. They ring
the door bell and once again and the man opens the
door. "Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you
this time?" "We're Hansel and Gretel" says the boy.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be
Hansel and Gretel because
you're black!" Once again they leave. Not too much
later the man hears
the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door
there stands the two children but this time they are
BUCK NAKED."Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be
now?!" he asks.
"Chocolate M &M's," said the little girl.
"I'm plain. He's got nuts."

 

[Assassin]

LoL

Scary Happy Halloween Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/view.pd?i=149549234&m=4772&rr=z&source=bma

 

[Assassin]

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nu n fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin.
__________________________________________________

 

[Assassin]

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down, replied:
"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

 

[Assassin]

Swank Halloween Party


A couple were invited to a swank Halloween party, so the wife
bought costumes for both of them. On the night of the party, she
developed a terrible headache and told her husband that he should
go without her. He protested, but she said all she was going to do
was take a couple of aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need
for him to waste his time by not going to the party. So he put on
his costume and off he went.

The wife, after sleeping for about an hour, awoke without a sign
of pain and as it was only a little after nine, she decided to go
to the party. As long as she knew the costume her husband was
wearing but he didn't know the one she was wearing, she decided to
slip into the party and observe how he acted when she wasn't
around.

This she did, and as soon as she joined the party the first one
she spotted was her husband, prancing around on the dance floor
with one slick chick and then another, stealing a little feel here
and there, so the wife slid up to him, and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his dance partner standing and devoted his
attention to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally,
and when he whispered a little proposition in her ear, she agreed
and they went to the parking lot and got in one of the cars and let
nature take its course.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home
and got into bed wondering what kind of explanation her husband
would give her about the time he had at the party. He arrived home
about 1:30am and went directly up to the bedroom to see how she was
feeling. She was sitting up in bed reading and asked, "what kind of
time did you have?" He said, "Well, I'll tell you, I never danced
a dance. When I got there Pete Jones, Bill Brown and some other
guys were stag, too, so we just sat back in the den playing poker
all night, but I'll tell you one thing, the guy I loaned my costume
to sure had a good time."

 

[Man-Thing]

"thanks for the holiday"
-SATAN

 

[Assassin]

that doll is my friend

 

[Assassin]

Bump