The funny thing about youth...(a message to teens everywhere)

[SpeterMan3]

My knees hurt.

So do mine. And my back. And my feet. And sometimes my neck. And I'm 15. I inherited my dad's aches.

CW, you're totally right, and it's something I think about a lot and I try to just enjoy my youth. I'm already regretting not having more fun when I was little.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I like how.... young people aren't going to be allowed to use this advice, even if they try, as every adult in their life will be pressing them about their future and just what their plans are.

I'm not saying give no thought to the future. Of course, this is a great time to be setting up your game plan. But in the meantime, don't start balking at your parents' rules, declaring yourself a "man" & doing stupid stuff to prove yourself as such. Don't be so anxious for the day you get out from underneath your parents' rules, because a whole new set of rules await you when you do. You're not missing out on anything just because you can't yet ernt a car or buy a drink. Be smart. Appreciate what you have while you have it. That girl you're crazy about? Imagine, if you will, her depending on you to keep a roof over her head. Picture yourself filling out paperwork for the kid she just gave birth to. You want to delay that situation for as long as possible.

 

[Gilpesh]

I'm not saying give no thought to the future.

But yet... you want them to have fun while they have little responsibility.... yet planning for the future means that you really have to start working on everything early to have a good resume come college time and etc etc etc.


So pretty much, your advice is to kids so young.... they can't even sign up for the site (according to the rules).

 

[Chris Wallace]

Did you read the ENTIRE post?

 

[Gilpesh]

Did you read the ENTIRE post?

No. Cause I don't listen to old people!

 

[Chris Wallace]

 

[SuperFerret]

I never wanted to rush to adulthood and, seeing how I swore off drinking before I finished high school, 21 was just another birthday for me. I do prefer being an adult though, but of course, being an adult male, I'll never really "grow up".

 

[Anita18]

Agreed... and you get to do whatever you want after you pay your car payment, rent or mortgage, buy groceries, pay the utilities, and spend time working at work or working at home you have lots of time to do whatever you want.

Teenagers have all those rules like... playing Modern Warfare 2 until they piss themselves, smoking weed all day long, and spending their parents' money on cheeseburgers and tightpants.

Clearly you have it much easier.

See, I didn't have that. I had uptight parents at home who insisted I be doing something productive with every waking hour. My dad would yell at me if I was chatting online, even though I always got my homework done and brought home straight A's. It still wasn't good enough. (Which was kind of true, since my sister was a bona-fide overachiever and I was the failure of the family compared to her. )

And then in college, I wasn't as smart as I thought I was so I spent every waking hour either freaking out and procrastinating on studying or pulling all-nighter study sessions.

I'm a lot happier now that I've matured, have no more academic obligations, and have the freedom to do what I want, not what my parents want or what my grades require. Sure I have to roll into work, but I like having that kind of structure because if I didn't have that, I'd be sleeping until noon every day and doing nothing with my time. It helps if you have a great work environment like I do. (It also helps if you're a natural saver like I am. I don't earn a lot but I'm doing fine financially because I live very frugally. Not having to worry about getting the money for rent every month is FANTASTIC.) I'm very lucky.

I think there's great things about any age. Almost all children and teenagers are too self-absorbed to see how great youth is. But being an adult means realizing responsibilities and having the maturity to deal with it while having a good time.

 

[Majic Walrus]

True. And everyone's youth is different as well, but as a general rule teenagers are too self-concerned to see what they've got and adults are often times to concerned with the past to see what they have now.

 

[Hotwire]

You guys are looking back with rose tinted glasses. You don't remember losing the car because you got a C in chemistry. Or being interrogated because your eyes were red and your clothes smelled like weed. Or having no place to take a girl you wanted to bang. Or having no place to stash porn or drugs because your mom looks through your stuff. Or not being able to go see an R-rated movie when ever you felt like it. Or having acne and greasy skin all the time. Or not being able to go overseas with a bunch of friends or girlfriend.

Being a kid blew. I couldn't wait to be an adult and live by my own rules. Paying bills is nothing compared to living under someone else.

Oh, I remember my teens years very clearly. I didn't lose the car, because I didn't have one. But I had an understanding that certain things were expected of me, and if I didn't keep up my end, there were consequences. (Sucks, I know.) I didn't have to worry about being interrogated about looking high or smelling of weed, because I didn't do it. Again, I had an understanding that if I took part in illegal activity, I'd be punished. (Damn my parents!) I didn't need a place to take my girl, because we didn't have sex. You weren't trying hard enough to hide the porn, I if you were doing drugs, I can understand evil mom for snooping them out. (Parents suck when they are trying to keep your dumb ass out of trouble.) I was allowed to watch R-rated movies. OK, you got me with the acne. And why is it so hard to understand why parents will not let their, very responsible drug using kid with a C in chemistry, travel to a foreign country so hard to understand? Yep, you had a hard childhood.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Oh, I remember my teens years very clearly. I didn't lose the car, because I didn't have one. But I had an understanding that certain things were expected of me, and if I didn't keep up my end, there were consequences. (Sucks, I know.) I didn't have to worry about being interrogated about looking high or smelling of weed, because I didn't do it. Again, I had an understanding that if I took part in illegal activity, I'd be punished. (Damn my parents!) I didn't need a place to take my girl, because we didn't have sex. You weren't trying hard enough to hide the porn, I if you were doing drugs, I can understand evil mom for snooping them out. (Parents suck when they are trying to keep your dumb ass out of trouble.) I was allowed to watch R-rated movies. OK, you got me with the acne. And why is it so hard to understand why parents will not let their, very responsible drug using kid with a C in chemistry, travel to a foreign country so hard to understand? Yep, you had a hard childhood.

I didn't say I had a hard childhood. I simply stated I prefer to be an adult because I like doing adult things without someone looking over my shoulder. I didn't say my mother was wrong for keeping me away from adult-oriented things, but rather I like doing adult-oriented things without someones overbearing disapproval. Got it?

You seem to think living by someone elses rules is ideal. You'd probably love prison. No drugs allowed, no porn allowed, they tell you when to wake up and when to go to sleep, they search your room at will and know of all your personal business (prison gaurds suck when they are trying to keep your dumb ass out of trouble, right?). So an obedient guy like yourself would be perfectly happy there since you love living by other people's rules, even arbitrary ones. I myself prefer to do what I choose, whether it's considered healthy or unhealthy, productive or unproductive because I like to be free. Freedom is about the choice to do the right thing not doing the right thing because you were forced to do so.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I don't really want to relive my youth, so much as I want time to just slow down.

These last 10 years have gone by so much faster than the 10 before it. And the next 10 years will only go by faster than the last. I'm already 26, staring down 27 soon, and before I know it I'll be 36 staring down 37.

Passage of time, and the eventual end of time (for us, ie mortality) is something that really bothers me. Whatever complaining I might do about certain situations I am in, I love life, I love -MY- life, and I am in no rush for it to come to an end.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Some of you are missing the point of what I'm trying to say. Grow up, of course, but grow up NATURALLY. A lot of kids try to skip some very vital steps in growing up. Don't be so anxious to get out from under your parents' rules that you miss out on the lessons you're supposed to be learning. And MessiahDecoy, some of what you pointed out is EXACTLY what I mean. You shouldn't HAVE porn or drugs in the house when you're a teen. You're not SUPPOSED to smoke weed. You're not supposed to let your grades slip & think you can still do whatever you want. Your parents ARE supposed to give you hell if you do. That's their job. If you don't respect their rules now you won't respect the rules that life lays out for you later.

 

[JewishHobbit]

Or 52 t:

I try to tell this to posters on here....but they don't listen to the old fogey....but one day, they will remember and say "Damn, C. Lee was right." God rest his soul.

Thought I'd add in that little bit.

 

[The Question]

You know what the funny thing is about youth? You spend 21 years desperate to get rid of it, as it seems to be a constant hindrance to everything you want to do. So many rules, so many restrictions, so many demands. You can't do this, you can't do that. Parents telling you what to do. Teachers telling you what to do. Aunts & uncles telling you what to do. If you've got older siblings even THEY tell you what to do. You're expected to just obey when nearly every fiber of your being wants to rebel. I think it's harder for boys, & it's especially harder for boys in single-parent households. In many ways, by the time you're 13 you're considered "the man of the house", but you have no idea what that means. You find yourself simultaneously wanting the freedom of an adult and the safety of being the baby. Then before you know it, Mom meets some guy and you're no longer the "man of the house", but a kid with yet another authority figure to answer to.
But the other side of the equation? After you spend those 21 years trying to shake off these shackles of youth-YOU ARE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WISHING YOU COULD GET IT BACK. You think you've got it hard now? Wait until you're "grown". Wait until you have to work, and pay bills, and God forbid you have kids. It only gets harder from there. See, so many of you are in such a rush to grow up you don't appreciate the freedom of your youth. You don't know how to enjoy being a KID. Take it from me, your ticket to adulthood has already been punched. It will not expire, it can't be stolen, and it can't be revoked. It's not going anywhere. But your youth is. The time will come when the stupid little stunts that you pull now will have far more serious consequences, and Mom & Dad WILL NOT be there to protect you.
See, that door that you're racing towards-it only swings one way. And it will lock behind you. And much as you may want to think otherwise, you are not prepared for what's on the other side. The demands are far greater, and for every perk there is a trade-off. Why do you think Rogaine & Grecian formula & plastic surgery exist? Why do you think it's considered inappropriate to ask a woman her age? Why do you think many women LIE when you do? People HATE getting older! And they hate everything that goes along with it.
Enjoy your youth while you can. There is no need to rush to adulthood. Please, trust me on this.

This is kind of condescending. And it completely ignores the very legitimate issues that young people face.

The idea that the teenager years are the best years of your life and once they're over you'll never get them back is very flawed to me. For one, being a teenager in America sucks royally. Yes, they do have everyone telling them what to do and demanding things of them and curtailing their freedoms with an endless list of rules. That is a very real and legitimate thing to be upset about. Kids in this country have all the rights of convicted criminals.

And to say that you'll spend your days paying bills and going to work and wishing you could get the best years of your life back... what are you wishing for exactly? What do you lose when you get a job and a family? The freedom to do stupid and often illegal things that are harmful to you and society? People should be glad they don't do that anymore. People should never have done that in the first place. It's not a magical part of youth, it's a sign that are youth culture is made up of people with no direction and no sense of responsibility. People should be proud that they learned a sense of responsibility and set those things aside. The good things about youth, now... a sense of wonder. Imagination. Being open minded and ready to at least listen to new ideas and possibilities. A sense of hope in the basic goodness of people... not only can you have these things in adulthood, you really should. Most older people I've met who are socially stunted and kind of *******s are that way because they think that letting go of all the stupid aspects of youth means letting go of the good ones as well. The fact is that there are good and bad aspects to adulthood as well as youth. In adulthood, the good is intelligence and wisdom and a sense of responsibility, and the bad is close mindedness and cynicism and the capacity to hurt others and generally being a boring person. For youth, the good and bad are the things I already mentioned. Problems arise not from having to give up your youth to become an adult, but young people trying to be adults by latching onto the worst aspects of adulthood and letting go of the best aspects of childhood, and as they get older letting go of the worst aspects of childhood and yet not trying to get back the best, laving them boring and bitter people. A healthy happy person should have the imagination and hopefulness and open mindedness of a child, tempered by the wisdom and sense of responsibility that comes with age.

What I'm saying is that, you can still be a responsible adult and have fun at the same time, as long as you strike the right balance between play and responsibilities as it fist into your own life.

 

[JewishHobbit]

I miss a few friends I've lost, but overall, I like my life now. All's well at 29

 

[Chris Wallace]

Either I've phrased my points badly or some of you are just misreading what I'm saying. I am NOT saying your teen years are the best years of your life. Far from it. I wouldn't want to go back to pimples, Jheri curls & virginity, but it would be almost worth it to be able to undo some of the stupid mistakes I made during that time, ignoring the lessons that life was trying to teach me only to have to re-learn them later in life. Make a plan, figure out what you want out of life & how to attain it, and don't forget to try & have some fun in-between. Yes, there's freedom on the other side of that door but it comes at a price. Be prepared.

 

[E-Man]

Some of you are missing the point of what I'm trying to say. Grow up, of course, but grow up NATURALLY. A lot of kids try to skip some very vital steps in growing up. Don't be so anxious to get out from under your parents' rules that you miss out on the lessons you're supposed to be learning. And MessiahDecoy, some of what you pointed out is EXACTLY what I mean. You shouldn't HAVE porn or drugs in the house when you're a teen. You're not SUPPOSED to smoke weed. You're not supposed to let your grades slip & think you can still do whatever you want. Your parents ARE supposed to give you hell if you do. That's their job. If you don't respect their rules now you won't respect the rules that life lays out for you later.

I don't agree with the drugs part, but every teen needs porn. It's part of growing up in America. You find your daddy's stash, and then you find out that everyone's daddy has a stash too. You then trade the flicks while hoping that your daddy doesn't find out. Then you have a conversation one day with your father, and he knows you've been watching them all along. Little stupid stuff like that is fun. Every teen has issues, so doing something extravagant for something so little encompasses the idiocy that comes with youth.

 

[huskerwebhead]

The idea that the teenager years are the best years of your life and once they're over you'll never get them back is very flawed to me. For one, being a teenager in America sucks royally. Yes, they do have everyone telling them what to do and demanding things of them and curtailing their freedoms with an endless list of rules. That is a very real and legitimate thing to be upset about. Kids in this country have all the rights of convicted criminals.

I'll start our responding to this with BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *catches breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK...OK. It sucks?? Compared to where? Be a teenager in Ethiopia, Iraq, North Korea. See how that stacks up. All the rights of convicted crimals. Pfft. C'mon. Drama much? I don't know about your teenage years, but mine was nowhere near that of a convicted criminal.

What do you lose when you get a job and a family? The freedom to do stupid and often illegal things that are harmful to you and society? People should be glad they don't do that anymore. People should never have done that in the first place.

Uh....Isn't that the type of stuff everyone "telling them what to do" and "curtailing their freedom with an endless list of rules" are trying to keep you from doing? Maybe it's not so bad after all and it's just a bunch of kids poo-pooing since they can't have a beer or stay out past 10.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I'll start our responding to this with BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *catches breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK...OK. It sucks?? Compared to where? Be a teenager in Ethiopia, Iraq, North Korea. See how that stacks up. All the rights of convicted crimals. Pfft. C'mon. Drama much? I don't know about your teenage years, but mine was nowhere near that of a convicted criminal.



Uh....Isn't that the type of stuff everyone "telling them what to do" and "curtailing their freedom with an endless list of rules" are trying to keep you from doing? Maybe it's not so bad after all and it's just a bunch of kids poo-pooing since they can't have a beer or stay out past 10.

Nice to know some of you can see where I'm coming from on this. But then, I guess none of you have a knuckle-headed teen in your home, battling you for control of the household, contributing nothing, balking at the rules & getting pissed off every time he gets in trouble for breaking one.

@E-Man: Yes, you need a little stupidity when you're young. My mom's attitude toward me having porn was actually a little different; I didn't have to hide it. But basically what I'm trying to say is, respect the rules of the house and you won't have to worry about your parents coming down on you.

 

[E-Man]

If the teen is battling you or control, then learn Brazilian jiu-jitsu so that you can armbar their ass every time they start *****ing about the rules. Or you could triangle choke them. It'll be safer and funnier when they wake up. It depends on the rules though. Sometimes parents make idiotic rules that have no logic. Parents are far from infallible, so sometimes when teens ***** they have a point. It's time like that to where you call the E-Man and give him money to settle the beef. He has a history of these things.

 

[SuperFerret]

To be honest, I don't think that teenagers have it all that bad, and probably could use to have it worse. Mostly because they tend to be just whiney, spoiled brats with false senses of entitlement, which in part comes from their parents, who themselves are bitter about the "rough time" they had as teens and try to give their kids freedoms that they don't deserve because they missed the point that their parents had when they were giving them that "rough time".

 

[huskerwebhead]

To be honest, I don't think that teenagers have it all that bad, and probably could use to have it worse. Mostly because they tend to be just whiney, spoiled brats with false senses of entitlement, which in part comes from their parents, who themselves are bitter about the "rough time" they had as teens and try to give their kids freedoms that they don't deserve because they missed the point that their parents had when they were giving them that "rough time".

I agree with this, but I think it's a little more than just parents trying to make up for their bitter childhood. The state of the world today, the violence (guns in school, beatings, etc.), pedophiles, sex offenders, etc. that have parents at a high level of paranoia. The wussification of America, or the PC movement has made any amount of punishment to your child nearly illegal. The threat of removal by child services or being sued allows kids to get away with far more than they have in past generations. The near impotence that the school system has to punish students. That all, of course, contributes to the sense of entitlement, invulnerability, and infallibility that some kids have today.

They're right, and if you disagree....you're oppressing them. If you give a spanking you're abusing. Grounding them can be mentally detrimental. Pay them to do chores instead of it simply being their responsibility in the house. It's a terrible road we are traveling.

This is basically turning into a rehash of that thread a few weeks ago about kids being more/less pressured today than in prior years.

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

Some of you are missing the point of what I'm trying to say. Grow up, of course, but grow up NATURALLY. A lot of kids try to skip some very vital steps in growing up. Don't be so anxious to get out from under your parents' rules that you miss out on the lessons you're supposed to be learning. And MessiahDecoy, some of what you pointed out is EXACTLY what I mean. You shouldn't HAVE porn or drugs in the house when you're a teen. You're not SUPPOSED to smoke weed. You're not supposed to let your grades slip & think you can still do whatever you want. Your parents ARE supposed to give you hell if you do. That's their job. If you don't respect their rules now you won't respect the rules that life lays out for you later.

Actually I didn't do drugs until I was an adult. When I was a teen I was clean but searched and interrogated because my mom assumed I was using. You say she was doing her job but her treating me like a criminal made me wonder what was the point of being innocent.

Why would I want to go back to an environment where I'm searched and interrogated when I did nothing wrong?

and I did grow up naturally. Porn for a teenage boy IS natural. I'm not sure what kind of robots you guys were when growing up but I was curious and had urges about sex as a teen. Seeking out porn was the next, natural step. If you guys didn't look at porn as teenagers then you might want to check your pulse because your the one who's unnatural.

Even though I did no drugs as a teen, experimentation is natural too.

Yeah I know a parent's job is to keep you in line and mold you into their ideal person and I'm fine with that. What I'm saying is I don't like being kept in line and molded into someone elses ideal person. I prefer the personal freedom to explore life as I see fit without another person micromanaging my decisions.

Really my worst crimes as a teen was looking at porn and being an average student. You think that means I deserved to be miserable because it's a parents job to mold you into this perfect person. But I never wanted to be that perfect person that my mother wanted me to be so why would I want to live by her rules then or now?

What free thinking person wants to live under someone elses rules? I'd rather pay bills than get this "supreme" wisdom parents have to offer. If I need advice I'll call them over the phone when I'm not busy watching porn or smoking some tasty buds. lol.

 

[The Question]

I'll start our responding to this with BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *catches breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OK...OK. It sucks?? Compared to where? Be a teenager in Ethiopia, Iraq, North Korea. See how that stacks up. All the rights of convicted crimals. Pfft. C'mon. Drama much? I don't know about your teenage years, but mine was nowhere near that of a convicted criminal.


Uh....Isn't that the type of stuff everyone "telling them what to do" and "curtailing their freedom with an endless list of rules" are trying to keep you from doing? Maybe it's not so bad after all and it's just a bunch of kids poo-pooing since they can't have a beer or stay out past 10.

Yes, living in a third world country or a repressive dictatorship is worse than living in the United States. But that has nothing to do with what I'm saying. It doesn't mean that kids have a fair deal in the U.S.

The fact is that kids in this country don't get any respect. They have no ability top choose for themselves. The fact that adults dictating their lives to keep them from doing needlessly destructive things, all that shows is that there is an inherent lack of trust and respect. The fact is that the only reason most of those kids act out the way they do is because their parents and teachers are doing their best to control every aspect of their lives, so they try and take a stand in the worse ways possible.

As for the convicted criminal thing... that was a slight exaggeration. But only slight. The fact of the matter is that school is a prison. People tell you what to do, when to do it, and what's best for you, often without having ever met you before. Young people's rights and opinions are not respected. They have trouble facing up to responsibility because they're given no real responsibilities. From an early age they're told "no, you can't do that by yourself." And then one day they have to and they have no clue what they're supposed to do. The attitude towards kids in this country is really messed up.

I see a lot of talk around here about how kids aren't being punished enough. How the parents and school systems don't have the disciplinary powers they need. I don't think that's the issue. Spanking a kid isn't going to make them a better person. Yes, there need to be consequences for when they do something wrong. But they also deserve to be treated with respect. They are human beings, after all. And the only way to teach them respect and decency is to show them respect and decency.