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the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

spidergrant

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Once There was a company that was very mysterious, the people who worked in there were very shady, they were always smiling and almost never left the building and if they did they always returned with suplies, the company worked through the night and day and no one outside really knew what the building was for. The truth about this company was that they tried making super soldiers in some of the strangest ways possible. Most of there experiments ended up being deformed monsters that couldnt even live outside the test tube.

"What experiment are you scientists doing now Glurin" said Mr.Mortu, head of T.G.R.I. industries, to a scientist as he walked into the lab of his building "Well Mr.Murto, if all goes well we'll have our own team of mutant super soldiers. One will be made to lead the team, the next will be made a fighter, the third will be an expert at using his surroudings for equipment, and the final one will be a genious and an inventor. This team will be made from animals just like my other experiments" explained Glurin the scientist. "Lets hope these ones wont end up like the rat" remarked Mr.Mortu.
The two walked through the lab until they came up to four test tubes, each around the size of a short piller. Mr.Mortu looked at the tubes and saw four strange creaturest, half human, half turtle. "What are these abominations" said Mr.Mortu. "We've tried these experiments with other animals like rhinos, warthogs and even alligators but the turtles were well rounded and peace full" explained Glurin.

Hours later Professor Glurin walked back into his lab and stood infront of the four test tubes. All of a suden a red light started flashing and a loud speaker started chanting "Intruder alert, intruder alert". The lights came back on and Glurin heard a dark voice say "These mutants should do just fine, those last mutants i stole died withing the hour i left this place." Glurin turned around and saw a man in a samurai suit with spikes coming out of his shoulder pads and his four arms ending at his wrists. "You wont take these experiments, Shredder" said Glurin as he ran to a computer and typed some stuff into a key board and made the green fluid in the dest tubes drain. The four creatures layed on the bottum of the tube for a moment then stood up and stared at the man with the blades. The Shredder walked up to one of turtles and punched the glass and made the whole tube shater. Glurin typed something into the keys again and the three remaining tubes's glass raised releasing the turtles. "I wont let take them" yelled Glurin as he ran at Shredder and takled him" Shredder's claws on his arms slid up to his arm and stabed into Glurin. Glurin looked at the turtles and yelled "Run!" Even though the turtles couldnt speak they seemed to understand what he meant and they ran to a window and each one jumped out of it. Luckily they were only on the second floor of the sky 10 story high building. Shreder's blades slid back to his for arms and he released Glurin and let his unconscious body lay in a pool of blood. Shredder got up and jumped out the window after the turtles.

Shredder landed on the ground next to the turtles and said "Your coming with me, im your master now, I freed you from that glass prison and you will take orders from me now." Not understanding what he said, the turtles stared at Shredder with confusion. All of a suden the turtles heard a sound of metal scraping on the ground and they looked back and saw a man hidden in a brown trench coat coming out of a sewer. "Their not going anywhere with you Shredder" said the man in the cloak. The man stuck his arm in his cloak and pulled out a shuriken and threw it at Shredder and hit him right under his shoulder pad. Shredder yelled in agony and ran at the man. Shredder's blades came forward and he jumped at the man. Right as Shredder reached the man he fell to his back and grabed the Shredder with his feet and slammed him into the ground. When the man fell on his back his coat flew up and the turtles saw he had a tail and his feet were like paws. The man got up quickly and shewed the turtles down into the sewer from where he came from and than closed the lid and took the turtle down to the sewer where he would take them into his layer.
 
ok this is mostly a rough draft. i just want people to tell me what i need to work on. i know i have bad spelling and i will probobly check it tomorow but i just need to know what i need to work on. i know they just made a tmnt movie but i heard there not doing a sequal so i thought nows a good time to do it while i still like the turtles
 
You never finish anything you start, do you? This is what...you're 3rd or 4th story you haven't finished.

If you are going to write or want to someday become a writer, you're going to have to learn to write for yourself and not other people. Meaning you shouldn't always expect critiques or comments from people, since this a full fledged fanfiction site it doesn't "require" other users to leave you any. That said it's also a double edged sword, when other people leave c & c, you need to learn to develop a second layer of skin, because not all c & c will be rainbows and flowers.

When someone points out what is wrong with your story such as grammar and spelling mistakes you should fix them. If you don't have a spell check on your computer there are plenty of them out there, just check google.

Also, don't just post little snippets of the story, post something significant, atleast half the story. Posting 1 chapter at a time won't draw in too many people, because the story really isn't even getting started yet.

And in closing, remember to write the story for yourself, if you write snippets and wait for people to respond, the story will never get finished and then many people here will flame you, especially for waisting board resources.
 
thank you spidergirl you advise really helps. i know i have alout of cancelled fan fics but most of them i have a good reason for stopping. the first i had written alout of already but there were a ton of mistakes and it was just taking to much work to fix them all. and the second and third i just never had the time to write but by the time i would get a day off from football i just didnt really feel into what it was about. but finally football has ended and for a while il have more time to do this. the only problem is i found out that the tmnt only had 1 really good series and 2 good movies.
 

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