The OFFICIAL: "Confess My Secrets", thread.

[Carmine Falcone]

That is disgusting spidey-boy 523!

This next secret of mine happened when i was about 20, i was in the military and overseas in Germany:

i had a room mate in the army whose was pretty cool. One morning he complained that he was feeling sick, so i left for work by myself (we usually walked to work together). Anyhow about 3 hours later i got a little free time, and decided to check on my roomy to see if he was feeling better. He must have not heard my key opening our door as he didn't move for a hot second. As i open the door there he is ..in full glory...his stick in his hand, plastered with vasaline and he was beating away at it like his life depended on it as he watched some porno flick on the television! I was so shocked by the site of him jerking off that i literally stood there with my mouth wide open! I mean this guy was choking his chicken like he had a persoanlly vendetta with the thing,,i mean the scene just looked horribly violent. Anyway when he realized i was standing there, he jumped up and begged me not to tell a soul. Still in a state of shock, i agreed.

Weeks went by and i kept giggling to myself while at work. People started to think i was crazy..i couldn't keep this to myself anymore..i told someone..and as you suspect, the word spread like wildfire.

A few more weeks went by and my unit was having a weekend barbaque, we were all outside chilling having a good time, enjoying the food the music and whatnot. Anyway, we were all lined up to get us a plate of food. The barbaqued chicken was on a plate and it's normal courtesy to use a napkin to pick it up. Well my room mate reached out with his bare hand to pick up a piece of chicken..and this loud mouth girl in my unit screamed out..."GET YOU DICK JERKING HANDS OFF THE GOD DAMN CHICKEN!"

The entire party went silent. The music cut off and everything..all eyes were on him.

He looked around ..looked at me...and he started to tear up as he walked way with his head down.

He never said a word to me after that, not one word. 3 weeks later he transfered to another unit...i never saw him again....i felt so bad for him..i've never forgiven myself for not keeping his secret.

I have more secrets from my military time but i'll post them another time.

LOL!LOL!

extremely funny!D

 

[Golgo-13]

I thought the barbeque was weeks after you caught the guy *********ing. Do people think he didn't wash his hands in weeks? Or was he supposed to use his other pair of hands for eating?

...it was weeks but this chick just wanted to make a scene. The guys didn't give a ****. Besides the chick never really got along with my roomy anyway, so i guess she saw this as an opportunity to 'get him'.

Here's another one..maybe not as funny but it was hilarious at the time:

My platoon sergant was a real funny guy. Always cracking jokes, clowning around and doing wild ****(when off duty) and considered himself a real ladies man..a 'mac-daddy', if you will. So he handed me this vhs tape and told me to check it out. He didn't tell me what was on it so i just took it up to my room and threw it aside and figured i'd watch it whenever i had time. About a week went by and like everyday at work he kept asking me if i'd watch his movie, i said no..but i'd check it out this week. The weekend rolled around and i was taking a nap in my room, when one of the female soldiers who stayed down stairs, came up to my room and asked me if i had any movies she could watch, she was bored. So in my half asleep-state, i handed her 'the tape' my sergant had given me and went back to bed. Later that evening she came back to my room with a big smile on her face. Gave me a funny look, shook her head and then left. I was confused. I suddenly realized i had given her the tape that my platoon sergant had intended for me, so right there and then i popped it in the vcr. Low and behold.. it was a home made camcorder style movie of my platoon sergent doing his wife doogy-style! I never looked at that guy the same again because ..his dick was about 2 inches long and his wife was screaming as loud as hell as though he was 'king dong'! She was obviously faking!!!!!!!! It was just some funny **** to see her howling like that, knowing she must have been thinking.."does my husband know how little he really is?"

I never told him i lent his tape out either!

 

[Carmine Falcone]

hahahahahhahahahahahhahaha!

 

[Golgo-13]

Damn, am i the only one here posting stuff or what?

 

[michael jordan]

keep posting, you're the best.

 

[michael jordan]

...it was weeks but this chick just wanted to make a scene. The guys didn't give a ****. Besides the chick never really got along with my roomy anyway, so i guess she saw this as an opportunity to 'get him'.

Here's another one..maybe not as funny but it was hilarious at the time:

My platoon sergant was a real funny guy. Always cracking jokes, clowning around and doing wild ****(when off duty) and considered himself a real ladies man..a 'mac-daddy', if you will. So he handed me this vhs tape and told me to check it out. He didn't tell me what was on it so i just took it up to my room and threw it aside and figured i'd watch it whenever i had time. About a week went by and like everyday at work he kept asking me if i'd watch his movie, i said no..but i'd check it out this week. The weekend rolled around and i was taking a nap in my room, when one of the female soldiers who stayed down stairs, came up to my room and asked me if i had any movies she could watch, she was bored. So in my half asleep-state, i handed her 'the tape' my sergant had given me and went back to bed. Later that evening she came back to my room with a big smile on her face. Gave me a funny look, shook her head and then left. I was confused. I suddenly realized i had given her the tape that my platoon sergant had intended for me, so right there and then i popped it in the vcr. Low and behold.. it was a home made camcorder style movie of my platoon sergent doing his wife doogy-style! I never looked at that guy the same again because ..his dick was about 2 inches long and his wife was screaming as loud as hell as though he was 'king dong'! She was obviously faking!!!!!!!! It was just some funny **** to see her howling like that, knowing she must have been thinking.."does my husband know how little he really is?"

I never told him i lent his tape out either!

That is some funny ass **** dude. How could you ever take orders from him again. I mean Captain Wikie most of known he was coming up short when he gave you the tape.

 

[Golgo-13]

I know, when i handed it back to him i didn't saying anything. He was a clown anyway!

 

[michael jordan]

DUde, you are hilarious with these stories please share some more.

 

[Darko]

I once actually tripped on a banana peel. No JOKE. I didn't think it'll ever happen to me....

 

[michael jordan]

hahahaha, that is crazy.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

in 5th grade, there was this kid who was a complete dou*** and tried to be cool. One day he stuck out his foot, tripped me. i said it wasnt funny, he replied that he didnt do it. So one day he tried again. he miscalculated my pace and i stepped flat on his foot, i was looking down and saw this about to happen, and i pressed so damn hard, i broke his toe and claimed "i didnt do it" (and when you develop an impression of always being honset, ppl believe you). The moral of that story: don't f*** with me.

 

[michael jordan]

uhhh, is that emberassing to you ?

 

[Spidey-Bat]

when i tripped.

 

[michael jordan]

I got you, but elementary girls must of thought you were the sh1t when you broke that punk's foot, right? Did you get alot of tang after that ?

 

[Spidey-Bat]

i dont know what you mean, but no

 

[PrimeObjective]

ahaa michael jordan is a pimp

 

[michael jordan]

So is Prime Objective, nucca.

 

[michael jordan]

Ok, I have another secret.
I was with my buddy while he was on the final phase of getting his drivers liscence and it was a night time driving session. And I am riding in the backseat and he makes a turn going right on red (no one was around) and WHAM........ runs overa Hooker. Then our teacher proceeded to tell us to drive away. I was laughing the entire time in the backseat and she kept telling me to shut up, and my buddy still managed to pass.

 

[BK]

You can't be serious...

 

[michael jordan]

You can't be serious...

YAYEAH, it was very, very funny. We talk about it to this day. He didn't kill her or nothing, he just hit her....... really Fing hard.

 

[Frantik]

Gamma fiend, your stories are hilarious. Tell some more.

 

[Herr Logan]

That's what's great about kids today: their powerful sense of responsibility.

 

[Gmanofsteel]

I am responsible

 

[michael jordan]

I am responsible

HAHAHAHA, Tom is a bad ass.

 

[Golgo-13]

I'm watching the roy jones jr fight, i'll type some more tomorrow.
....yo..roy jones just got knocked out..... .AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!