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- Jul 17, 2006
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Okay... so I saw 'Transformers' last night.
It was loud. It was long. It didn't quite work for me. Most of all, it gave me a headache.
It's not that the film was bad - it wasn't - but it certainly didn't live up to the hype, if you ask me.
The story was non-existent. The visuals were messy and confusing. The characters - for the most part - were unnatural (in a narrative sense - I'm aware they're mostly robots). Only Sam and his comic timing made it worth the ride.
Going in, I felt like one of the few 'old school' fans quite content with the changes to character designs, voices, mythology etc. I knew the old cartoon was - when you really think about it - ridiculous. I knew many of the vehicles would look dumb as real-world characters. I went in with an open mind, expecting only one thing: that the robots were major characters that the audience could truly relate to and love (ala ET).
The makers of the film - the writers in particular - made a big thing about how this 'essence' of the Transformers remained.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Not only were the Transformers difficult to relate to, with only the occasional clunky dialogue, they were difficult to even see half the time! Honestly, there's a reason these characters were originally put in the sweeping plains of the Southwest USA in early cartoons - so you could differentiate them from the surroundings!
In this new film, it's just metal in front of metal, metal in front of exploding concrete and metal in the dark. The few times you really get to view the robots, the editing cuts away so quick that your efforts are wasted.
As for the dialogue... well, let's just say there are the occasional high points but, generally, it's flatter than 2D animation (when you can even hear it over all the explosions).
Finally, the writers seem to have gone out of their way to provide the Transformers with a new, more believable mythology. In doing so, they've done little more than write themselves into a corner with new stuff that's equally as bad and questionable as the original source material!
Megatron's been on Earth hundreds (or thousands) of years, yet came here to turn Earth's technology into weapons? Um. Okay. We didn't have machines that long ago.
The stupid 'Allspark Cube' can turn Mountain Dew vending machines and Xboxes into Transformers? Righteo. That's just dumb... and raises so many questions about where technology ends and magic begins that the concept of shrinking (as Megatron did in the cartoon) becomes highly believable all of a sudden. So much for 'an advanced, technological civilisation' - why don't we just call it what it is and bring in Harry Potter and Gandalf for the second installment?
I know, I know... I should have known better. It's a blockbuster by Michael Bay, based on action figures.
Still, I had faith in Tom DeSanto that this would be another 'X-Men'... and in Steven Spielberg that it'd be another 'ET'.
Instead, it was just a loud, soulless mess that could have been absolutely awesome with another day or two of the filmmakers thinking about it.
Heck, maybe I do think it was a bad film, after all. It's just that the good bits were really good!
That's always the most depressing thing.
It was loud. It was long. It didn't quite work for me. Most of all, it gave me a headache.
It's not that the film was bad - it wasn't - but it certainly didn't live up to the hype, if you ask me.
The story was non-existent. The visuals were messy and confusing. The characters - for the most part - were unnatural (in a narrative sense - I'm aware they're mostly robots). Only Sam and his comic timing made it worth the ride.
Going in, I felt like one of the few 'old school' fans quite content with the changes to character designs, voices, mythology etc. I knew the old cartoon was - when you really think about it - ridiculous. I knew many of the vehicles would look dumb as real-world characters. I went in with an open mind, expecting only one thing: that the robots were major characters that the audience could truly relate to and love (ala ET).
The makers of the film - the writers in particular - made a big thing about how this 'essence' of the Transformers remained.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Not only were the Transformers difficult to relate to, with only the occasional clunky dialogue, they were difficult to even see half the time! Honestly, there's a reason these characters were originally put in the sweeping plains of the Southwest USA in early cartoons - so you could differentiate them from the surroundings!
In this new film, it's just metal in front of metal, metal in front of exploding concrete and metal in the dark. The few times you really get to view the robots, the editing cuts away so quick that your efforts are wasted.
As for the dialogue... well, let's just say there are the occasional high points but, generally, it's flatter than 2D animation (when you can even hear it over all the explosions).
Finally, the writers seem to have gone out of their way to provide the Transformers with a new, more believable mythology. In doing so, they've done little more than write themselves into a corner with new stuff that's equally as bad and questionable as the original source material!
Megatron's been on Earth hundreds (or thousands) of years, yet came here to turn Earth's technology into weapons? Um. Okay. We didn't have machines that long ago.
The stupid 'Allspark Cube' can turn Mountain Dew vending machines and Xboxes into Transformers? Righteo. That's just dumb... and raises so many questions about where technology ends and magic begins that the concept of shrinking (as Megatron did in the cartoon) becomes highly believable all of a sudden. So much for 'an advanced, technological civilisation' - why don't we just call it what it is and bring in Harry Potter and Gandalf for the second installment?
I know, I know... I should have known better. It's a blockbuster by Michael Bay, based on action figures.
Still, I had faith in Tom DeSanto that this would be another 'X-Men'... and in Steven Spielberg that it'd be another 'ET'.
Instead, it was just a loud, soulless mess that could have been absolutely awesome with another day or two of the filmmakers thinking about it.
Heck, maybe I do think it was a bad film, after all. It's just that the good bits were really good!
That's always the most depressing thing.



