My Spoiler-Heavy Review:
Big, loud, popcorny fun but also feels too tumescent for it's own good, Michael Bay's sequel to the hit "Transformers" movie works in the first 60 minutes than starts to fizzle out before gaining steam again in the third and final act.
I'm going to start with what I didn't like in the film:
1. The Fallen- A fearsome-looking villain but yet, like Darth Maul in "Episode I", he is made up to be a puissant foe but yet in the end he is wasted like a *****.
2. The Twins- Annoying, stereotypical, racist, and objectionably offensive, Skidz and Mudflap are the Jar Jar Binks of the franchise. While Jar Jar did sound to be a bit Jamaican, least he wasn't as scurrilous as these two. Both are big-lipped, big-earred, ebonics/slang-slurring Autobots whom can't read and one has a gold tooth. They also like to say "*****-ass" and "punk-ass" alot and everytime they were onscreen I desperately wanted a Decepticon to blow them away or Jazz to return. Least Jazz didn't resort to noisome behavior like these two.
3. Wheelie- An Italian-speaking Decepticon whom talks like he could be a wiseguy from "Goodfellas" but sounds like a mix of Joe Pesci, Joe Pantialano, and Steve Buscemi. He's funny for awhile but then his welcome wears thin.
4. Meagan Fox- Michael Bay treats her as a goddess and YES she is beautiful beyond words but every scene with her Bay vamps up her beauty to a higher level to exonerate her bad acting. She's treated like a music-video nympho strutting around in mid-drift shirts and Daisy Duke cut-off jeans. While she is sumptuously gorgeous, she has got along way to go to get to Angelina Jolie.
5. The Autobots and Decepticons- Once again Micahel Bay doesn't know how to handle multiple robots onscreen, the same as the "X-Men" movies. The problem with screenwriters and directors nowadays can't seem to juggle multiple storylines and characters. While the movie tries their hardest to fudge it's way around it but ultimately fails because Ratchet and Arcee only get two lines, Ravage, Soundwave, and Devastator get a few scenes, and then there are mechs onscreen that you don't know who's side they are on and what they are fighting for. War has many faces, both good and bad, but until Bay showed the imprinted markings on the bodies of a cement truck or bulldozer, I was like, "Ok, who are you for?" It just seems Bay is more interested in prevaricating around the Who's Who of the lore than to really establish everyone and their reason for being in the movie.
6. The runtime. At 2 hours and 30 minutes, the movie drags once it reaches it's middle. This is the movie's biggest hamstring. Twenty or thirty-minutes or so could've been trimmed from this movie and it still would've been wildly entertaining and enjoyable.
What Did Work:
1. Starscream and Megatron- Like the cartoon show, we finally get to see the sniveling coward Starscream trying desperately to please Megatron; groveling at his mechanical feet and the movie treats them, like the show, as almost a married couple. Megatron is the abusive, tyrannical husband and Starscream is the submissive wife. The original 80's-90's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" show did this same formula with Krang and Shredder.
2. Shia Lebeouf- Shia is the bread and butter of this movie. Along with Peter Cullen's reprised masterful work voicing/narrating as Optimus Prime, Shia is the everyday ordinary hero. You care what he'll do, you care where he'll go, it's just a shame he's given a dumb, boondoggled plot to work with.
3. Optimus Prime- Prime kicks major ass in this movie and he as I said works is the thread that holds this movie from unraveling. It's great to have Peter Cullen back who voiced Prime in the first movie and the original show and to have Frank Welker known for his voicework as Megatron in the original show, Slimer and Ray in "The Ghostbusters" cartoon, and Kermit the Frog in "Muppet Babies" back voicing Soundwave.
4. Michael Bay's Love For Blowing **** Up- Bay crafts pretty action-set-pieces and each proton-gun shot, each fireball hurled, each punch and jab thrown you literally feel you're there. I'm sure on IMAX the experience is tumefied to a greater level.
5. John Turturro- A pesky annoyance in the first movie, here he is actually tolerable and I'm glad now that Bay decided to bring him back.
All in all, it's pretty entertaining film, it's just I thought in terms of quality, the first movie is alot better.
I give it a 2 out of 4.
t:
