What constitues an affair?

[X-Chick]

So me and someone were discussing this: what constitutes an affair?

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count? What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact? What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? What about a one night stand? How about phone or Internet sex? What about distance (the different time zone thing)? Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

 

[fangrl06]

Desire for another man/woman is not wrong, but acting out on it is IMO. I think everything you listed counts as cheating besides simple lust. You can look all you want, you just can't touch.

 

[X-Chick]

So, if I was attracted to someone other than my fiance and had lust or whatever, that'd be cheating? If that was the case, 90% of us would be cheaters.

 

[BRUTAL]

If you're lusting after someone else, maybe you shouldn't have a fiance...

 

[fangrl06]

Desire for another man/woman is not wrong, but acting out on it is IMO. I think everything you listed counts as cheating besides simple lust. You can look all you want, you just can't touch.

So, if I was attracted to someone other than my fiance and had lust or whatever, that'd be cheating? If that was the case, 90% of us would be cheaters.

Not what I said...

 

[X-Chick]

If you're lusting after someone else, maybe you shouldn't have a fiance...

I never said I was. That was hypothetical. I love my fiance, almost more than anything. Lust is just a basic human instinct, and for the most part uncontrollable, I don't see how that should be counted against you.

 

[X-Chick]

Not what I said...

Oh right, I read too fast and missed the "besides." So you basically think the same about it as I do.

 

[Milkman95]

ANY physical intimacy, phone sex, or internet sex would apply to having an affair. You don't have to be married either to have an affair or cheat on your significant other.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count? No.

What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact? No

What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? Yes

What about a one night stand? Yes

How about phone or Internet sex? Phone sex-yes. Internet sex-I don't think so, unless you've actually met the person you're talking to

What about distance (the different time zone thing)? Distance doesn't matter in a commited relationship

Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? I think the term affair only applies to married people, cheating for boyfriend/girlfriend, but the rules remain the same.

 

[kytrigger]

So me and someone were discussing this: what constitutes an affair?

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count? What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact? What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? What about a one night stand? How about phone or Internet sex? What about distance (the different time zone thing)? Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

For me personally, desire and not acting upon it doesn't count (although, if it's that strong, you might want to ask why you're with the other person). Any sort of sexual physical act does though. A one night stand isn't an affair, it's cheating. I deem affairs as an ongoing thing between two people where cheating can be just a one-time thing.

The time zone thing IMO is absolutely ridiculous and just people trying to justify their cheating. If you're gonna cheat, then cheat, don't use stupid rules to try and make yourself feel better.

I've honestly never thought about phone/internet sex, but I would probably think of it as cheating, not sure though. Either way, I wouldn't like it.

And all of this appllies to any relationship in which both people are supposed to be "exclusive".

 

[fangrl06]

Oh right, I read too fast and missed the "besides." So you basically think the same about it as I do.

ANY physical intimacy, phone sex, or internet sex would apply to having an affair. You don't have to be married either to have an affair or cheat on your significant other.

I completely agree. It's still cheating whether it is your boy/girlfriend or your husband/wife IMO.

 

[Kaleb]

lusting over someone else while in a relationship does not consitute an afair , Im sure many women have lusted over Brad Pitt or Christian Bale sticking stiff one in them , the same with some men and a hot girl.

 

[Matt]

So me and someone were discussing this: what constitutes an affair?

Does physical desire for someone else, without any action count?

No. People can't control physical attraction. Everyone feels it.

What about a strong emotional connection with someone without any physical contact?

Depends on the kind of connection. My parents housed an exchange student when I was in high school, a French girl named Amelie. We share a very close emotional bond to this day...but my wife does not feel threatened by it as it is the type siblings would share. Now if I were inlove with Amelie it would be a different story.

What about physical intimacy, but without any feelings? What about a one night stand? How about phone or Internet sex? What about distance (the different time zone thing)?

All of the above are affairs.

Are affairs limited to only those who are married or do they apply everyone? For that matter, how would you define "affair?"

Anyone in a serious, committed relationship can have an affair.

 

[BRUTAL]

I never said I was. That was hypothetical. I love my fiance, almost more than anything. Lust is just a basic human instinct, and for the most part uncontrollable, I don't see how that should be counted against you.

I was speaking hypothetically as well... I was saying if you're lusting after someone and you're in a committed relationship then that lust proves that the possibility of you having feelings for someone else is greater than if you had no outside lust at all. Lust CAN be controlled... by morals. If you're in a committed relationship then you wont allow yourself to get so enamored with someone else. Your brain stops it...

 

[Matt]

And if X-Chick would not mind, I'd like to add an additional level to this discussion. What about flirting? Does innocent flirting consitute cheating?

 

[Kaleb]

I would think it does.

 

[X-Chick]

I don't think innocent flirting constitutes anything. But flirting with the hopes of getting lucky does.

How about emotional attachment without any physical action? Like say you had a thing for someone for a long time, then move on. Later after you're married or in an otherwise committed relationship, you see or talk to this person again and the feelings are still there.

 

[jaguarr]

Honestly, it's really a subjective topic and every couple in a committed relationship is going to have a different definition of what constitutes cheating, whether they both agree on it or not. Every person is different in their views on this, and they bring that to the table in a relationship. I would say that the closest you could come to defining what constitutes an affair would be: Any type of physical or emotional connection with a person different from the one you are in a committed relationship with that violates the sanctity and trust of your committed, intimate relationship with them. Outside of that very general guideline (notice I said guideline, not hard and fast rule), it's going to vary on a case-by-case basis.

jag

 

[jaguarr]

And if X-Chick would not mind, I'd like to add an additional level to this discussion. What about flirting? Does innocent flirting consitute cheating?

Applying what I posted previously to this question, it depends on your partner. Even if you don't think of it as cheating but your partner does, then guess what? It's cheating, because they feel that the sanctity and trust of your relationship with them has been violated.

jag

 

[BRUTAL]

And if X-Chick would not mind, I'd like to add an additional level to this discussion. What about flirting? Does innocent flirting consitute cheating?

It depends on the intention, sometimes people flirt just for a laugh or to be nice, or just to make people feel good about themselves. I'll flirt with a chick as kind of an ego boost for myself sometimes... let's me know "I still got it"...

However, if you're flirting with intent to invade the squish mitten then you're cheating...

 

[Son Of Logan]

Direct genital contact by one party or the other but not necessarily both.

 

[X-Chick]

Wiki's definition:
An affair is a form of nonmonogamy and describes a situation where two or more people are involved in a relationship perceived as inappropriate or that breaches a monogamous agreement between an affair partner and their excluded spouse. What is inappropriate depends on the point of view. Many agreements in a marriage are implicit or unspoken and taken as given until they are breached.

 

[Erzengel]

I remember talking to this girl who was engaged and she said yeah I fool around with other men but I don't have sex with them. I further questioned her and she said, "Eating ain't cheating."

 

[BRUTAL]

I don't think innocent flirting constitutes anything. But flirting with the hopes of getting lucky does.

How about emotional attachment without any physical action? Like say you had a thing for someone for a long time, then move on. Later after you're married or in an otherwise committed relationship, you see or talk to this person again and the feelings are still there.

That kind of falls within what jag said... it DOES depend on your partner's views but IMO if you're emotionally involved with someone else then it's almost worse than being physical with someone else IMO.

 

[BRUTAL]

I remember talking to this girl who was engaged and she said yeah I fool around with other men but I don't have sex with them. I further questioned her and she said, "Eating ain't cheating."

What was her name, number, and address again?