Wil Wheaton Indicted for Role in Robot Fighting Ring

[bored]

Los Angeles, CA – Actor and Internet personality, Wil Wheaton, has been indicted by federal prosecutors on charges of promoting and hosting a robot fighting ring.

Prosecutors allege Wheaton kicked and electrocuted robots that weren't performing well, as many as fifteen robots. "He just blew their circuits," said US Attorney Bob Schrumpkin.

The news shocked fans of Wheaton's, many of whom are robot owners themselves. Christie Cho of Simi Valley said, "I have an Aibo and a Poo-Chi and I love them. I can't believe the cruelty. I'll be putting my DVD of Stand By Me up on Ebay."

Wheaton contends that nobody gets hurt in robot fighting, and that people just don't understand. "It's deeply ingrained in the geek culture. We see nothing wrong with it," said Wheaton. "We get together, drink a few Red Bulls and watch the robots fight it out. I don’t see what the big deal is."

Violet Tamagotchi, President of People for the Ethical Treatment of Robots (PETR), picketed outside Wheaton's home. She doesn't buy the "part of our culture" argument. "Asimov said robots can't hurt us, so why does Wheaton hurt robots? I thought Wil embraced technology, not destroyed it," she said.

Protest signs urged the Screen Actor's Guild (SAG) asking to suspend Wheaton from the actors' union.

"We're surprised and saddened by this news on Mr. Wheaton. While there is a long history of abusive behavior by actors, it's usually with production assistants and not robots. This goes beyond anything we've ever seen," said a representative from SAG.

Many openly wondered if Wheaton would ever act again. "I don't know, when people see how geeky this is, they might not believe him in a non-nerd role. That could ruin him," said Chip Scoop from the Hollywood Reporter.

In a robot fight, two remote controlled robots with various weapons face each other in a battle to the death. Often, the loser is so badly hurt that they must be destroyed. If convicted Wheaton could face 25 years in prison, or face "The Electricator" fighting robot in a human-robot death match.

Nikolaj Borg contributed to this story.

And, it's all true

How dare he?!

 

[jaguarr]

Come on guys. Guys.

At least it wasn't people he was making fight.

Haha!

jag

 

[Speedball]

Wait...
What?!
Since when have robots had rightS?

 

[Gilpesh]

Wait...
What?!
Since when have robots had rightS?

Yesterday.

 

[Speedball]

Yesterday.

Wows...
So...
We really are in the Matrix.

 

[Gilpesh]

Wows...
So...
We really are in the Matrix.

According to some philosopher. We are.

 

[Speedball]

According to some philosopher. We are.

My head just exploded, and right now I'm typing as a reflex.

 

[Sandman138]

FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!

 

[Speedball]

I love Nextwave so much, I'd marry it, divorce it after having twins that look like young Lindsay Lohans, then marry it again after my two twins meet in summer camp and switch places.
THAT"s how much I loves it.

 

[Sam Fisher]

edit

 

[Sam Fisher]

WTF THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!!

Robots....are you serious????? Whats wrong with it??? Do the robots have feelings or something? I'm confused.

[/IMG]

 

[Speedball]

Mr. Crusher, set course for ridiculous law suits and stupid crimes.

 

[Abaddon]

Is it something I'm missing in all of this? Recently, a good brotha is about to do some jail time because he was accussed of fighting and setting up robot fights? So what. Who cares. Robots, like every other machine are beneath human beings but yet the news treats this story like Wheaton is hitler having a holocaust on machines or something?

Where is the outrage when people are just allowed to freely go into a forest and destroy every machine in site? Miss me with the "WAAAA thats legal" argument i'm discussing the end result which is the death of machine(s). Some people do more cruel things to those machines than what was accussed in this case. Some people destroy ipods and hang their heads on the wall as some trophy but no outrage from the community? Dont try to justify your hypocripsy by saying humans need technology to survive, that coudlnt be further from the truth.

 

[Speedball]

And there he was . . . the dead robot we'd travelled all this way to see. The robot wasn't sick. The robot wasn't hurt . . . the robot . . . was DEAD

LOL!
Look at fat little Jerry O'Connell. Who knew that fat kid would one day get to f*** Mystique?

 

[Addendum]

Corey Feldman with the emo glasses haha

 

[Speedball]

Corey Feldman with the emo glasses haha

River Phoenix was the emo one in real life.

 

[Sandman138]

Corey Feldman with the emo glasses haha

UGH! Horn Rims aren't emo! They are ****ing rock and roll!

 

[Red Mask]

This is truly bizarre.

 

[Speedball]

Violet Tamagotchi, President of People for the Ethical Treatment of Robots (PETR),


Nikolaj Borg contributed to this story.

And, it's all true

Hmm...
I need to find the scene where Max the Magnificents wife screams "LIAR!"

 

[Mee]

He had such a bright future.

 

[Jack Rabbit]

I love Nextwave so much, I'd marry it, divorce it after having twins that look like young Lindsay Lohans, then marry it again after my two twins meet in summer camp and switch places.
THAT"s how much I loves it.

Post of the century.t:

 

[Super Kal]

...

... I'm confused...

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

Crazy Americans.

 

[The Lizard]

Is this story a parody of something?

Yes, this Wil Wheaton robot story is spoofing the Michael Vick dogfighting case.

 

[KALEL114]

I am shocked at the insensitivity here. Obviously none of you had a robot growing up. We had one and he was like a part of the family. And you are all "hypocrits" because we kill chickens inhumanely and eat them and no one says a thing about that. We kill deer and mount them on our mantels. Where is the outrage there? Huh, huh.



















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