HaplessHenchman
Goon for hire
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- May 28, 2014
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I was out shopping last night for some common household stuff (toilet paper, trash bags, etc...) when my wife texts me:
Her: Hey, can you grab me a makeup sponge?
Me: What is a "makeup sponge"? (I honestly had no idea what that was)
She then texted me a picture of what looks to be a square brown pad of some sort.
Her: This. Near lipstick etc. Square or round is fine.
Me: They really make such a thing?
Her:
Yes, ask a woman employee if needed.
Now let me explain something. Since I'm a guy and have never had the need for makeup, I've rarely ventured into the cosmetics section of any store. I find the vast array of lipstick, mascara, and whatever else is in those aisles a bit intimidating.
But I was on a mission so I rolled my cart full of stuff into the narrow makeup aisles. I got some strange looks from several old ladies perusing the inventory as I rolled by.
After looking through both aisles for several minutes and not seeing anything that looked like the picture my wife had texted me, I asked a female employee stocking shelves where I could find them.
Me: "Do you know where makeup sponges are?"
Female employee: "I'm not sure. I normally work in the back so I'm not out here very often, but they should be around here somewhere."
We both look in the two makeup aisles for the next few minutes and are unable to find them. The female employee points to a package that has a sponge in it but it comes with a supply of makeup. I quickly text my wife.
Me: Is it just a sponge or is there makeup with the sponge?
Her: Just a sponge, to put ur makeup on ur face.
As I am texting, a male employee walks up to the two of us. Apparently the female employee called him over while I was texting.
Female employee(to the male employee): "Can you help this customer find the makeup sponges?"
Me: "It's for my wife." (I didn't want him thinking it was for me!)
Male employee: "Yeah, they've got to be around here somewhere." (He starts looking up things on the device he is holding as the female employee walks off)
Male employee: "Here it is!" (points to the same package as the female employee pointed out)
Me: "No. My wife says it is just the sponge, without makeup. Honestly, I don't know what she is talking about. This is a foreign world to me."
Male employee: "I hear you. And God help you if you come home with the wrong thing."
Me: "Ain't that the truth..."
The male employee then gets on his walkie talkie and asks if anyone knew where makeup sponges are. A female voice comes back and says that they are along the back wall by the cotton balls.
Victory is mine! I'm thinking as the two of us walk back to the cotton ball section. When we get there, the male employee points out a package of white, circular pads that says "Facial buff sponges".
Male employee: "Before you throw those in the cart, I would text your wife a picture and make sure that is what she wants."
Me: "Good idea. I'll do that. Thanks for your help." (He walks off)
I quickly take a picture of the package and text it to my wife, anticipating a congratulatory text back on completing my mission.
Me: Is this it?
Her: No, those are to take makeup off, not put makeup on.
Me: You have got to be kidding. There are different "sponges" to use based on whether you're taking it off or on?
Her: Of course! If there wasn't any difference I would just use the same sponge we use to clean the kitchen sink.
Me: Could you?
Her: Never mind. I'll just find it later...
So after spending about 15-20 minutes looking for a "makeup sponge" (an item I never even knew existed prior to last night), I left the store in defeat.
It's funny that my wife and I have been married a number of years now and yet there are still things about women that I am clueless about. I mean, who knew that not only do "makeup sponges" exist, but that they make different kinds depending on their application? And why did my wife think that I was qualified for this task?
Like I said in the title, women are weird...
Her: Hey, can you grab me a makeup sponge?
Me: What is a "makeup sponge"? (I honestly had no idea what that was)
She then texted me a picture of what looks to be a square brown pad of some sort.
Her: This. Near lipstick etc. Square or round is fine.
Me: They really make such a thing?
Her:
Yes, ask a woman employee if needed.Now let me explain something. Since I'm a guy and have never had the need for makeup, I've rarely ventured into the cosmetics section of any store. I find the vast array of lipstick, mascara, and whatever else is in those aisles a bit intimidating.
But I was on a mission so I rolled my cart full of stuff into the narrow makeup aisles. I got some strange looks from several old ladies perusing the inventory as I rolled by.
After looking through both aisles for several minutes and not seeing anything that looked like the picture my wife had texted me, I asked a female employee stocking shelves where I could find them.
Me: "Do you know where makeup sponges are?"
Female employee: "I'm not sure. I normally work in the back so I'm not out here very often, but they should be around here somewhere."
We both look in the two makeup aisles for the next few minutes and are unable to find them. The female employee points to a package that has a sponge in it but it comes with a supply of makeup. I quickly text my wife.
Me: Is it just a sponge or is there makeup with the sponge?
Her: Just a sponge, to put ur makeup on ur face.
As I am texting, a male employee walks up to the two of us. Apparently the female employee called him over while I was texting.
Female employee(to the male employee): "Can you help this customer find the makeup sponges?"
Me: "It's for my wife." (I didn't want him thinking it was for me!)
Male employee: "Yeah, they've got to be around here somewhere." (He starts looking up things on the device he is holding as the female employee walks off)
Male employee: "Here it is!" (points to the same package as the female employee pointed out)
Me: "No. My wife says it is just the sponge, without makeup. Honestly, I don't know what she is talking about. This is a foreign world to me."
Male employee: "I hear you. And God help you if you come home with the wrong thing."
Me: "Ain't that the truth..."
The male employee then gets on his walkie talkie and asks if anyone knew where makeup sponges are. A female voice comes back and says that they are along the back wall by the cotton balls.
Victory is mine! I'm thinking as the two of us walk back to the cotton ball section. When we get there, the male employee points out a package of white, circular pads that says "Facial buff sponges".
Male employee: "Before you throw those in the cart, I would text your wife a picture and make sure that is what she wants."
Me: "Good idea. I'll do that. Thanks for your help." (He walks off)
I quickly take a picture of the package and text it to my wife, anticipating a congratulatory text back on completing my mission.
Me: Is this it?
Her: No, those are to take makeup off, not put makeup on.
Me: You have got to be kidding. There are different "sponges" to use based on whether you're taking it off or on?
Her: Of course! If there wasn't any difference I would just use the same sponge we use to clean the kitchen sink.
Me: Could you?
Her: Never mind. I'll just find it later...
So after spending about 15-20 minutes looking for a "makeup sponge" (an item I never even knew existed prior to last night), I left the store in defeat.
It's funny that my wife and I have been married a number of years now and yet there are still things about women that I am clueless about. I mean, who knew that not only do "makeup sponges" exist, but that they make different kinds depending on their application? And why did my wife think that I was qualified for this task?
Like I said in the title, women are weird...
Such is life. 
