At the Movies with Kane and BN

Me Time

You know when a movie was being made just to be made? This is one of them.

This is not a movie. It's Kevin Hart and Mark Walberg making a business decision with Netflix to make a comedy together so their brands stay relevant. That's how cold and calculated this movie was, they basically got a prepackaged script of a comedy about a father trying to get his groove back and they adlibbed most of it with help of up-and-coming comedians to get a movie made as quickly as possible. There's also some obvious product placement that sticks out like a sore thumb. It's so funny that they make Kevin Hart and Mark Walberg childhood friends because their chemistry doesn't work at all. That being said, I actually enjoyed some gags they got but they were few and far between and the ones that didn't work overstayed their welcome. Overall, it's bad not because the comedy was bad, it's bad because they never thought it was going to be good in the first place.
1/5

 

The Invitation

If you squint your eyes, there are a few moments in this movie where you think you're watching Gotham season 6 where they got Sean Pertwee playing Alfred again with Thomas Doherty playing an even more d**chebag Bruce Wayne.

This movie kinda gives away what this movie is about from just the opening logo. It's essentially Ready or Not and Get Out with vampires but minus the tongue-in-cheek humor that sets it apart. Probably the biggest problem with this movie is the fact that it's PG-13 which takes all the teeth out of it (pun intended). The movie ends up being very bland and the premise kinda falls apart when things go off the rails. Even the typical horror moments don't even fully work or make sense because they don't really shoot it correctly. The only positive about this movie is probably Nathalie Emmanuel but that's just me being generous. Overall, while it's not offensively awful, it's bad because of how bland it is. It's truly another horror movie that will be forgotten over time.
1/5

 

Breaking

A phenomenal slow-build crime drama that takes a more realistic and non-Hollywoodized version of these true events. The only comparison I have is it's essentially somewhere between Dog Day Afternoon and John Q. It's John Boyega finally getting a meaty role that fully commits to the character and his motivations. I also thought Nicole Beharie, Selenis Leyva, and the late Michael K Williams were also just as incredible in here. The slow build might not be for everyone but it totally works for me and it does escalate in a way you don't really expect. While the subject matter is deadly serious, they don't miss out on some humor that helps this movie move along and lets you breathe a little. Overall, really well done and it's totally worth your time.
4/5

 

Three Thousand Years of Longing

George Miller returns to cinema after Fury Road to make what is inherently a fantastical storybook anthology of a Djinn. While Tilda Swinton stars in it, she's essentially the audience avatar to Idris Elba who plays the Djinn after he's finally broken free. It's pretty much borrowing the frame of 1001 Arabian Nights where we go into each time period and each story where he's involved and how he managed to arrive at Tilda Swinton's hotel in Istanbul. I really enjoyed all the stories that are featured here, but I feel like it kinda stumbled once it went back to being about Tilda Swinton in the 3rd act but I didn't hate it. Overall, it's a really well done historical fantasy that reminds me of Tarsem Singh's The Fall.
4/5

 

Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.

A mockumentary that satirizes mega churches in America that didn't go far enough. While I thought Sterling K. Brown and Regina Hall showed up and tried to deliver whatever they can, the material and jokes fell mostly flat for me which is a shame. I feel like there were maybe 20-30 minutes of real actual content that got stretched over to fill time. They do delve into the real drama and crux of the movie and while I thought the reveal was good, they kinda dropped it and moved along. I will say there are some good bits of comedy here like the Knuck If You Buck scene and the opening bits but overall, it's few and far between.
2/5

 

Father Stu

While it's not as bad as the trailer looked, it falls into the category of obvious oscar bait that also happens to be a quasi faith based movie. I will say at the very least, this is Mark Wahlberg trying to stretch his acting range and he fully commits to the role especially when things go south for him in the plot. Mel Gibson is yet again playing himself who looks like he's 2 beers away from going off on a racial rant. I will say Teresa Ruiz is probably the most underrated actor here and I thought she was great. That being said, it's got all the hallmarks of a 'based on a real story' redemption arch that Wahlberg goes through and they don't really do anything more with it even though there are some good moments. Overall, it's not bad but not too memorable.
2.5/5

 

Barbarian

As someone who's been to Detroit a few times, this is just a regular Tuesday.

This horror flick was so incredibly well done and unexpected that I don't wanna explain what it really is. All I can say is it's a movie that is somewhere between a specific Alfred Hitchcock film meets a specific Wes Craven film. Zach Cregger has a great eye for directing and he manages to deliver a great three-act structure journey that you don't really expect. It's great to see Bill Skarsgård in something that doesn't require clown makeup. He along with Georgina Campbell did a great job with their performances and their chemistry. Not to give away much but Justin Long shows up and what they do with him... it's probably his best role thus far. All that being said, I do wish we had more scenes towards a specific part of the movie and I kinda wish this movie had more of an exclamation mark on the subtext when we got to the end of this. Overall, it's a horror film that definitely will have a new cult following much like It Follows and Malignant.
4/5

 

The Woman King

A throwback of a historical epic (back when movies like Master and Commander or The Patriot were coming out) about the Agojie and the slave trade of the 1800s in Dahomey where it prioritizes the typical crowd-pleasing moments over the more interesting and riskier character studies. Viola Davis finally gets a badass action role and for some of those moments, it does work. I also thought Lashana Lynch and Thuso Mbedu were decent enough as well despite getting some cookie cutter dialogue. The biggest that really impressed me about this movie was some of the direction from Gina Prince-Bythewood and Polly Morgan's incredible cinematography. But overall, with how average and safe the script was (not to mention the tame PG-13 violence and the fudging of historical facts), it's a movie that only gets by on entertainment value and excellent camera work.
3/5

 

Pearl

The final shot/credits roll in this movie is up there with Sleepaway Camp.

Ti West comes back months later to give us the prequel to X and while at first, it may feel like a DLC pack for that movie, there's plenty in here that gives us a more experimental horror flick that stands on its own. This uses the 30s/40 technicolor era aesthetic like Wizard of Oz and throws in some splatter horror. It all rests on Mia Goth and her performance as Pearl who gives a great monologue towards the end. Overall, while I think X was the better movie overall, Pearl has the better concept.
3.5/5

 

Don't Worry Darling

Who knew we would get the sequel to Steven Knight's Serenity so quickly.

This is usually the time of the year where we would get one of these films that are so full of promise that falls apart so fast. I suppose this is Olivia Wilde trying to deliver the white female's Get Out/The Truman Show but the movie doesn't give you enough to care about. The plot and the characters immediately becomes predictable and drab, but the movie still continues acting like you're invested of where it's going. It's a movie that constantly drags the single note suspense with repetitive freaky dream sequences that doesn't amount to anything. It doesn't help that the supporting characters are incredibly paper thin and weak. Once you get to the twist, it's pretty laughable and bizarre. That being said, I can't deny the incredible cinematography by Matthew Libatique, the picture perfect production design, and Florence Pugh's performance who's trying her best to make this work. Overall, not a good movie but pretty to look at.
2/5

 

Mad God

Plot: What happens when you get lost in a big box store in the middle America.

This was incredible and worth the 30 years of painstaking hard work for Phil Tippett and his crew. It's essentially a dystopian horror adventure that is mostly done with stop motion animation and no dialogue and it feels like a relic of the Gen X attitude much like Tool's Sober music video. You can tell by the way this starts and how throws you into this horrific industrial city, it feels like it was inspired by Fritz Lang and his movie Metropolis with a way more nightmarish and gory tone to it. Along with the incredible animation, the music does a great job setting the mood. It's a movie that totally wont work for most people, but for those who admire the craft and something more on the experimental side of things that you don't see every day, this is so worth your time. Overall, Phenomenal stuff. It's great to see stop motion animation again and great to see someone trying to push the envelope of what can be possible with the medium.
4.5/5

 

The Munsters

I stand corrected when I said there's no such thing as too much neon lighting.

Rob Zombies The Munsters can probably be best described as a movie going for extremely intentional camp that extremely misfires. The bulk of the movie takes you to the journey on how Herman and Lily got together in Transylvania and how they ultimately moved to Mockingbird Lane. Rob Zombie pretty much takes the aesthetic and style of a lot of the 60s and 70s cartoons and brought it to live action which doesn't always work. It kinda has the appeal of something you'd see in Elvira's Movie Macabre which seems to be intentional since they got Cassandra Peterson in the movie. Also it clearly feels like Rob Zombie was trying to be What We Do In the Shadows with the Munsters and it doesn't work. The biggest problem is that the script isn't clever or funny enough to pull off the camp and it's way too long which drags every scene. The part that I actually did enjoy was when they finally got to Mockingbird Lane and the movie finally captures some of the show's appeal. Overall, while I get what Rob Zombie was trying to go for, to me this felt like it needed a real sitcom writer.
2/5

 

Blonde

Ana de Armas does a phenomenal job in a nightmarish and voyeuristic journey portraying Marylin Monroe. That being said, it's a movie that will not work for most people who are expecting a typical biopic that tries to accurately depict her real life. I feel like Andrew Dominik was trying to showcase the myth of her while recreating her iconic imagery in trying to tell a story which is kinda similar to Assassination of Jesse James. With the way it's incredibly well shot and directed, it's as if he was getting all tools from the directing and cinematography toolbox and throwing it all in one movie and it's impressive. The thing for me that knocks the film down is the length only because the movie is does a lot of misery porn that keeps drumming on the same beat. It gets pretty repetitive by the halfway mark. Overall, while I get why people will find this movie appalling, I do think it's excellent on the performances especially by Ana de Armas and the incredible cinematography and production design.
3/5

 

Smile

Great to see Jessie T. Usher branch out and play a normal nice guy for once after seeing him in The Boys.

Despite the marketing that made this look like another Truth or Dare, this movie was actually surprisingly good. The director Parker Finn does a great job putting this all together even though without question, it's borrowing heavily from other great recent horror films like It Follows & Hereditary. In fact, you do see more influences of Ari Aster in this and most of it does work. There's also some dark humor that goes along with it that does help balance things out. The movie does have a ton of jumpscares which can be cheap if done incorrectly, but here they do it in a way where there's a payoff every time and it's got no fakeouts. The sound design was also really solid. The overarching plot of mental health issues does play into all the scares in a way that does make sense. The gore was incredible and it kinda reminded me of Mirrors. Thankfully they don't have those typical annoying characters in here and I thought Sosie Bacon was incredible in this. The ending of this is what really lifts this whole movie up and it honestly makes for an interesting double feature with Barbarian. Overall, it was really great despite it being derivative of other horror movies.
3.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)

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Hellbender

It's a scrappy indie coming-of-age horror film that revolves around a mother and daughter who happen to be witches in a grunge band together. It's one of those where you can easily tell this was made during covid and considering the directors are the actors in this, it makes sense why it feels so very low-fi but inspired. You can also tell these are non-actors so a lot of the lines of dialogue do feel stagnant and dry. That being said, what the movie does well is the directing and especially the visuals which are cut above these extremely low budget horror films. Overall, while the acting and some of the story leave a lot to be desired, the look of it is pretty impressive. I'm interested to see what they do if they get a bigger budget.
2.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)

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Incantation

The crips and the bloods got nothing on the Mother-Buddha gang signs.

This was a mostly decent found footage/mockumentary film that takes you through a religious cult while also showcasing a mother-daughter drama. It's almost as if someone combined the Safe Haven short from VHS 2 with The Ring and the Sacrament. Where the movie excels the most to me was the performance by Tsai Hsuan-yen who does a good job playing the mother trying to reunite with her daughter. I did enjoy some of the scares but I feel like it was copying from other found footage films. The biggest criticism I have is while I get the going back and forth between the two timelines, the pacing between the drama and horror felt off. Also, the almost 2 hr runtime felt kinda unnecessary. Overall, It's enjoyable and I'm glad the found footage genre is still alive and well but I wish this could have been a little bit better a little bit shorter.
3/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)

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Hatching

Finnish Pokemon is weird.

This was a really solid Grimms' Fairy Tale style body horror that tackles coming of age, motherhood, and the dysfunctional family. Really dug the practical effects and I thought the cinematography was excellent. Siiri Solalinna's performance is what really holds this movie together where she plays the daughter and has to grapple with everything happening to her while also playing another character on top of that. My only complaint is I kinda wish the movie went more in the body horror territory or let the egg/human-bird hybrid abomination transformation last longer. Overall, a solid little horror flick from Finland.
3.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)

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The Sadness

To the future generations, this is exactly how the first few months of the pandemic went down verbatim.

Well, this movie is just as advertised. It's gruesome, vile, depraved, ruthless, and all the other adjectives you could put into this insane virus-zombie flick. It's obviously taking inspiration from something like The Crazies and 28 Days Later but aping up the violence and gore up to an 11, but also putting a new spin based on what we went through in the pandemic. It also holds another social commentary about women that's also not subtle at all but somehow still works within the context of the film. While there are all kinds of craziness happening, they do a good job letting you buy into the main couple's relationship which does carry throughout the film, especially Regina Lei's character. Overall, it's a zombie movie that does its best to push the envelope of what's possible in the horror genre even if it's hard to watch at times. For me, this is an instant zombie classic.
4.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)
Day 5 | The Sadness (4.5/5)

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You Won't Be Alone

Who knew there was ASMR in 19th-century Macedonia

This was a beautifully made horror drama. It's pretty much about a witch who can shapeshift and a girl who's turned and starts exploring the world for the first time. The movie almost feels like it's taken from several old folk tales from past centuries and uses them as a basis to explore the human condition by going through these different lives. While Noomi Rapace is the biggest name here, she pretty much plays a bit part in this overarching plot. I thought everyone who played Nevena did a phenomenal job, especially Sara Klimoska & Alice Englert. Overall, it's a movie that takes you on an existential journey and it just happens to be a horror movie that involves witches.
4/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)
Day 5 | The Sadness (4.5/5)
Day 6 | You Won't Be Alone (4/5)

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Hellraiser (2022)

When you realize Hellraiser is just Yu-Gi-Oh for horror fans.

This was pretty well done for the most part. It's David Bruckner finally getting a franchise to work on and it's probably the best Hellraiser movie since the original which wasn't isn't saying much. This feels closer to The Ritual in terms of the characters that we follow and of course the fantastical horror elements that get embedded when sh** goes down. As for the story, it feels like he took the essence of Clive Barker's story and tried to make it fresh and modern for today which might not work for some people. It definitely more of a character piece and Odessa A'zion does a great job with it who plays the lead. The cinematography and production are solid even though it misses the grit and grime of the original, but that seems to be the case for most movies now since nobody really shoots on film anymore. I really dug the new Cenobites design and I thought they were used efficiently for the plot. Overall, it's a coherently well done Hellraiser movie which I guess is rare for this franchise but it's doesn't do much to reinvent the wheel.
3.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)
Day 5 | The Sadness (4.5/5)
Day 6 | You Won't Be Alone (4/5)
Day 7 | Hellraiser (2022) (3.5/5)

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The Innocents (2021)

If only The New Mutants was this good.

This was an incredible drama that turns into a supernatural thriller that touches on some horror elements. The best way to describe this movie is what if The Flordia Project was written by Stephen King but set in Norway. There's also some obvious correlation with The Village of the Dammned, X-Men, and Chronicle, but they do enough to stand out from the rest and tell a compelling drama about these kids growing up in this apartment complex that just happens to have all the supernatural elements around them. Really great performances by the main four kids and the dynamic that they get from each kid is really interesting. Overall, really worth checking out even if you're not into horror.
4/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)
Day 5 | The Sadness (4.5/5)
Day 6 | You Won't Be Alone (4/5)
Day 7 | Hellraiser (2022) (3.5/5)
Day 8 | The Innocents (2021) (4/5)

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Amsterdam

The way this movie starts with Bale's narration, you almost thought this was American Psycho 2.

This was somewhat of a mess that got progressively better as it went along but not enough to save it completely. It seems like David O. Russell was trying to emulate the Coen bros here, but I feel like he ended up making another Suburbicon with a cast the size of American Hustle. The movie tries to be a big mystery box that takes you through all these people but you don't really get a sense of that until you probably got to Robert De Niro. I will say I enjoyed Christan Bale's performance as well as dark mode Margot Robbie, but everyone else kinda wonders in and out. John David Washington feels the most misplaced here because his role was pretty big but his performance fell so flat and uninteresting but that could be blamed on David O Russell. The biggest crime this movie commits was the choppy editing and the comedy that doesn't really work at all. Also, the theme in this movie of rising fascism doesn't say anything new. Overall, while the movie doesn't work for me, I thought Christan Bale and a few others like Michael Shannon and Mike Myers kept me from not totally hating this.
2/5

 

She Will

Malcolm McDowell, keep getting those checks, I guess.

It's a slow burn horror drama that tries its best to keep your attention with some interesting visuals but the story itself doesn't really land as well as they think. It uses the Witch trials as a correlation with the MeToo movement and it kinda does the bare minimum of what you think the story is about. They don't really set up their minor characters that well so you are pretty much stuck with Alice Krige & Kota Eberhardt... who are decent in this but not enough to make this an even better movie. While the middle act really meanders, I will say the 3rd act is probably the best part of the movie. Overall, it's mostly middle-of-the-road horror fare with some exceptions in the visuals and the score.
2.5/5

31 Day Horror Marathon 2022
Day 1 | Smile (3.5/5)
Day 2 | Hellbender (2.5/5)
Day 3 | Incantation (3/5)
Day 4 | Hatching (3.5/5)
Day 5 | The Sadness (4.5/5)
Day 6 | You Won't Be Alone (4/5)
Day 7 | Hellraiser (2022) (3.5/5)
Day 8 | The Innocents (2021) (4/5)
Day 9 | She Will (2.5/5)
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