Create your own ridiculous conspiracy theory!

Discussion in 'Politics' started by JJJ's Ulcer, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. JJJ's Ulcer Registered

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    I hope I'm not the only one sick of seeing people on the internet blame conspiracies for everything from 9/11 to the Newtown shootings to the Boston bombings to Rihanna's popularity. I generally find them idiotic and offensive. But even more, I find the ulterior explanations to be like lazy, hackneyed fan-fic that was retold by a paranoid schitzophrenic on meds. So let's see how easy it is to blame historical news events on the sinister machinations of the shadowy government. Make your own conspiracy theory about a historical event that's so far in the past it's almost universally undisputed. I think this is a good exercise to show just how dumb conspiracy theories generally are.

    Anyway I'll start:

    The British didn't really invade the 13 colonies and try to enforce taxation. It was a secret 14th colony that was covertly funded by Benjamin Franklin as a "black flag" operation to convince Americans to form a union of states that would be co-dependent on each other and usher in the birth of big, federal government. In truth, the 14th colony was the missing Jamestown colony. To add authenticity to the operation, Franklin dressed them in thousands of coats he had dyed red at the print-shop he worked at. He also made them take theater classes and memorize Shakespeare plays to help them learn and absorb the British dialect and intonation. When the operation was deemed a success and goals were achieved, Franklin gave the order to the 14th colony to stand down and surrender. At which point they quietly assimilated back into America.


    See how easy that is? Who's next?



    EDIT: Mods if you think this thread should go elsewhere like Community Diner, feel free to move it.
     
    #1 JJJ's Ulcer, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2013
  2. SV Fan Registered

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    I think the problem with conspiracies is that people that schill them will point to stuff that is easy to prove and never get reported(although should be a bigger issue) to give themselves cred. Once they have the creed they start asking questions about other things that don't get reported(and probably shouldn't in the first place) and by proxy a person will say well they are right about that one thing(that should be an issue), maybe they are onto something about this thing.

    How many times do you see the conspiracy types for instance report stuff like Banking frauds before it becomes actual news when a scandal breaks. It basically gives a level of cred to the person who reports the issue first
     
    #2 SV Fan, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2013
  3. JJJ's Ulcer Registered

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    Conspiracies DO exist, but I'm not talking about banking insitutions cooking books. I'm talking about the black helicopter crap that Alex Jones rants about on his radio show every day, and I don't think he's ever been right about anything. I think he's a parasite cynically leeching off and exploiting each tragedy to push his own political agenda (govt is trying to take our guns) with no regard for very real victims and suffering behind these tragedies. People prone to conspiracy theories shape new events around their already existing paranoid world view. Now, if you have one or two events with serious inconsistencies that raise your suspicion, I can understand that. The Gulf of Tonkin incident is one event where I do think events were purposely distorted by the government in order to push war with Vietnam. But what I don't respect are these nutballs who are jumping on every shooting or terrorist attack and trying to use them to present some weird illuminati conspiracy, or that the Muslim brotherhood has infiltrated the Obama administration. It's a bunch of paranoia fuelled crap and I'm sick of fighting it with logic.

    So that's why I made this thread. Let's make fun of it instead. :yay:
     
  4. SV Fan Registered

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    I am just saying the Alex Jones types use legit conspiracies to give themselves some cred(in terms of reporting legit news that Mainstream media ignores) so when they hash there more out their conspiracies they get more focus then they should because people will say well if he is right about that one thing the media didn't report maybe he is right about the other thing.

    Personally I think there is room for people who will question everything(no matter how ridiculous it is on occasion) because let's be honest the news media we have now many times fails at reporting what is real news and many times have their own little agenda(read that not screwing over advertisers) so somebody has to keep an eye on the government
     
  5. JJJ's Ulcer Registered

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    I'm not aware of a single REAL conspiracy that Alex Jones has blown wide open.



    I disagree. Questioning to find answers is fine. There's nothing wrong with asking hard questions to get to the truth of something. But constructing your own fevered paranoid fantasy and claiming that's the truth is an entirely other matter. Like I said, they craft their theories around their pre-existing world views, which are usually influenced by a high degree of paranoia and crap they read or hear online. They disregard the 95% of evidence that contradicts their views and focus on the remaining 5% or so of minor media flubs or unanswered questions to push their agenda. There is absolutely no room for idiots who think the Newtown shootings were staged, that Obama is a secret Muslim "manchurian candidate" or that the Boston bombers were set up by the government. Conspiracy theorists are not crusading, gorilla journalists. They're dangerously misinformed internet trolls and ranting nutjobs.
     
    #5 JJJ's Ulcer, Apr 23, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2013
  6. enterthemadness The Triumvirate

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    I play this game, even though I believe in conspiracies.


    Microsoft and Apple make most of the viruses and crap that infects one's computers or Mac. Why? So companies can get rich with making new anti virus, anti spyware, etc crap every year!


    As for Alex Jones or Mark Dice for that matter being right....Georgia Guidestones are pure evil. But for the sake of this thread...

    Georgia Guidestones were built by rich men for kicks and giggles. Why? Well when you got money, might as well get people talking and seeing chaos happen.
     
  7. SV Fan Registered

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    As I said he constantly reports on stuff that can be proved that the mainstream media doesn't touch(such as the banks screwing us over(way before the banking crisis of 2008), how Monsanto or Big Pharma pull their political weight to screw people over, etc).

    For years the so called conspiracy nuts reported of this so called fictitious "Bilderberg Group" and the main stream media would just laugh at them like it didn't exist, yet in the past 5 years or so it's been proven to exist. I am sorry when you have 100s of big political and financial players gathered together that should be front page news and I don't see CNN sending one person to hang out their.

    As I said once they have the cred of reporting legit stuff, then they come up with way out their theories to try push there agenda(such as Newton or Boston)
     
  8. enterthemadness The Triumvirate

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    Here's another one that may actually explain things in Hollywood.

    Hollywood has picked up that conspiracies make money and also like to see if those folk pick up on things and what not. Thus, why you see the cool all seeing eye in lots of programs on Cartoon Network, Nick, Disney. And why people also have Owl shirts in hollywood on tv shows and in real life at events. Cause conspiraices are the ''in'' thing now, so agents and managers tell their celeb(s) to ''Wear this Owl shirt, it's in these days' or ''Wear this shirt with this cool single eye on it, it looks cool. Brah.'' Or make this music video with all these symbols cause it is gonna create buzz blah blah.

    I've seen the all seeing eye a few times in Adventure Time on Cartoon Network. To be fair, since that show takes place after a Nuke War went off and magic/radiation caused things to go ''awesome'' in the new world...I don't see a problem with it.

    This one is actually a conspiracy theory, but it is...well...silly:

    Mark Dice and Alex Jones are actually CIA agents being told to stir up trouble for blah blah blah and report blah blah.
     
  9. enterthemadness The Triumvirate

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    I was at the wiki page for that group. And found a quote that was cited. It reidrected to The Guardian, 2001 interview. Only read page 3, but it was nice. They ''claim'' to be basically a club, like a Golf Club or what not. Although on man said they have discussed one world govt, cause what is the point of killing each other and nothing ever changes. Who knows. Whic brings me to...

    Bilderblerg

    It's real, but everybody is so, so, soooooo, wrong. It's nothing more than rich people eating great food, playing golf, playing video games, and making fun of 3rd parties, libertarians, and conspiracy theories. Oh, and they are getting first dibs on the Xbox 720 and PS4 this year. Obama went last year and won 48-14 over Jeb Bush with TEBOW in at QB on the Bears. I know... I know...but in video games, Tebow can actually compete a damn pass. Crazy.
     
  10. Soapy Registered

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    Ridiculous theory: The world is a kind, fair, and beautiful place where shady **** never goes down. Everything is always exactly as it seems and no one should ever question anything.
     
  11. voyzovrezon nobody's fool

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    Brilliant! :pal:

    Don't think I can top that, but I'm gonna think about it.
     
  12. voyzovrezon nobody's fool

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    Megachurch pastor Joel Osteen is actually part of the Illuminati alien lizard people. He came to earth the usual way and took form as a human to deceive mankind into thinking that if they only believe that god wants them to be happy and successful, then he can form a minion of followers to send him money. The money (at least part of it off the accounting books) is being used to build teleport devices to build a cosmic black hole bridge between his world and ours. Then when the time is right, he will reveal himself as the true messiah and build an empire on earth and make everyone that doesn't smile all the time pour foundations, till the land, and plant and pick crops for the global Illuminati Elitists Lizard allied forces.

    :yay: How did I do?
     
  13. DareDemon Hi! I like shorts!

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    Osama bin Laden dated George Bush in high school, who broke bin Laden's heart. As an adult, bin Laden went through years of testosterone boosters and painful surgery. His birth name was Jane Fonda.
     
  14. Shockdingo Symbiote luvin' loon

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    Guys, I know about it....

    Charlie Brown’s sister had blonde somewhat spiked hair. Charlie Brown is at times called “Chuck” and is bald and leads a pained and frustrated existence. Charlie Brown likes the little red headed girl. Charlie Brown’s mother had an affair with Wolverine- a mutant, an outsider. Charles Schultz sympathized with REDs- the Communist Party. He felt lonely as a deep cover mole and wanted to express his pain. Stan Lee felt his pain psychically and created the X-men with Jack Kirby. Fast forward to Asteroid M. M as in McCarthy…a certain senator McCarthy, bigwig behind the red scare. This was done to mock him years later saying they got away with it and were and ARE indoctrinating our children and used the ugly response to the persecution of folks as a rallying tool. In the Marvel Comics, President Obama is the president currently in that universe. Socialism and time travel. Man of the moon. The Beast of Yucca Flats.

    I win, I broke the scoop! I swear if this all gets proven false, I’ll blame the whistleblower, get covered in a….substance, and swear vengeance upon him, haunt him for years, get a bit ill, get better, realizes the error of my ways and start wearing red, fashionable threads. :o
     
  15. Victarion Iron Captain

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    The Illuminati sent JJJ's Ulcer to create this thread to throw us off the trail since no one listens to Enterthemadness anymore.
     
  16. Alex_Spider Registered

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    http://www.cracked.com/article_18421_6-insane-coincidences-you-wont-believe-actually-happened.html
     
    #16 Alex_Spider, May 18, 2013
    Last edited: May 18, 2013
  17. Godzilla2000 Dollar Store Diva

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    McDonald's Restaurants are actually a Russian plot to make Americans fat and lazy.
     
  18. Hobgoblin Veritas veritatum

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    I actually remember someone on the radio saying back in the 90's that Monica Lewinsky was part of a Russian plot. She was trained to seduce and disrupt the presidency.


    Sometimes I wonder if pharmaceuticals work with the food industry to keep people fat and dependent on health products. Not that I actually believe that but it does occur to me at times.
     
  19. Godzilla2000 Dollar Store Diva

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    I don't think I've heard of that one, of course I really don't pay too much attention to conspiracy theories anyway. I was just making that one I posted up in my head.
     
  20. Hobgoblin Veritas veritatum

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    See how easy it is to make up a "real" conspiracy theory?
     
  21. Godzilla2000 Dollar Store Diva

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    Yep! You can take any meaningless coincidence or natural human behavior and blow it out of proportion. ;)
     
  22. voyzovrezon nobody's fool

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    The government is manufacturing weapons of mass weather. Aircraft hover above the clouds and produce a climatic change in air pressure and fronts, forming disaster storms of epic proportions, including tornadoes. These increase severity of weather patters will be propagated by the media for the government to take action and promote hybrid cars and destabilize the fossil fuel industry and form a market for liberal alternatives that will hurt the economy and drive businesses that depend on oil to move offshore.

    This one is actually based on ideas propagated by Alex Jones.

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/...-talk-finally-drive-gop-away-from-alex-jones/
     
  23. Midnyte_Sun Medianoche de Sol

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    Michael Hastings was assassinated. :-(
     
  24. Donnie Darko Forgotten Pre-New 52 Hero

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    Magic Johnson NEVER had HIV/AIDS. During the huge AIDS scare of the 1980s/early 90s, many people demonized people who had the disease, as they thought it was their own lifestyle choices (homosexuality and drug use) that exposed them to the disease. To combat this stereotype and give a friendly "face" to the disease, Magic Johnson was either persuaded or volunteered to say that he was HIV positive. At the time, doctors/researchers probably thought a cure was on the horizon, so Magic staying healthy and, you know, not dying wouldn't be an issue.
     
  25. zeroapoc Eldritch Abomination

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    Skrulls are real, and have infested all world governments.
     

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