Crime Drama Script

[Pioline]

This is part of a script I recently wrote. I just want to get an idea of whether it is good and to go on with this project. So please can I have some feedabck from you guys. Thanks.


OPEN ON:

EXT. Warehouse in the foreground. A cityscape rises up behind it. The sky is dark, looks slightly film noir.


CUT TO:

INT. Warehouse. A single light shines in the center of the warehouse. Around it are various crates and boxes. Under the light is a man sitting on a chair, his hands are tied together as are his feet, his head hanging down. There is an empty chair to his right.

Camera advances very slowly towards the man Victor, sitting on the chair. Shows Stan standing opposite him.

Stan sits in the chair to Taza’s right. Taza is looking at Stan but Stan is looking at the lit cigar he is holding in his right hand. We partially see the crates and boxes behind them.

TAZA​

Normally I’d kill whoever did this to me, but if you let me go right now, I’ll let it slide. But only cause we go back, we have history, you and me.

Stan laughs.

STAN


History? You think because you knew me when I was a kid we have history? Besides Taza, any history we might have had became worthless the second you laid a hand on Mr. Boch’s kids.​

Taza smirks in a pure evil way.

TAZA


‘Mr. Boch.’ Is that what he has you call him in the bedroom?​

Stan smirks slightly at the arrogance of Taza. He stands and punches Taza. A slight spurt of blood flys from his mouth.

STAN


Pay attention Taza. Are you listening?



TAZA


Yeah Stan I’m listening.



STAN


Good. More comments like that and this cigar will be put out in your eye. (Stan holds the cigar up clearly and gives him a straight look telling him that he will do it)




STAN (CONT’D)


Maybe I’m giving you a little too much credit but after 6 hours being here with me, I expected you to know that you’re not leaving here, except maybe in a bag.




TAZA


Is your wife ill? She wasn’t that good last night.​

Stan takes a deep breath, as the camera rises and slides till the view is from the rafters of the warehouse behind Stan and Taza.

You hear grunts of pain from Taza and see Stan beating him.

FADE OUT.




​

 

[Pioline]

INT. Police station. You can hear hustle and bustle of a police station with cops running around. Guy has his arms crossed and his face stuck into the middle of them as he leans on his desk. Is asleep.

HARRY


Rise and shine. (He slaps him on the head with a folder as he walks towards his desk, next to Guys. Guy rises slowly revealing a face full of fatigue. He is unshaven and his mouth is open in a way to show that he is groggy, his hair is mess.)​

Harry puts down a coffee on Guy’s desk.

HARRY


Well isn’t that a pretty sight. (Sarcasm in his voice is obvious)​

Guy removes the lid of his coffee and blows on it to cool it down before drinking it.

HARRY


My wife chucks me out of my house and you choose not to go to yours? (Harry sits down at his desk beside Guy’s)



GUY


I need to find this guy before he kills another kid. I’m waiting for ballistics to call me with the results on the finger prints on the clock he left in the kid’s mouth. (Guy stops drinking to speak for a second)




HARRY


What? That clock killer guy? Mason and Wilkins caught that guy didn’t they? It wasn’t even your case. (Harry is looking through a folder)​

Guy puts down a now empty cup of coffee and lights a cigarette.

GUY


Those two got the wrong man; they picked up the kid’s father. Media be all over it soon. I need to prove them wrong quick. The clock’s a sign, this guys gonna kill another kid. It’s a trademark. He kills a kid and leaves a clock in the kid’s mouth.



HARRY


One. You’re going by your gut, not the facts. Two. Ballistics can call you at home. ​

Guy looks at Harry in a ‘don’t give me bull**** way’.

HARRY


Ok. Maybe the guys at ballistics are idiots but number one was right. And we got a new case. Some shop down at 3rd was held up yesterday. Put that thing out, you’ll end up giving me cancer. I don’t want it even if you do. ​

You begin to hear even more commotion in the background. Accountant shouting. Guy takes one last puff and puts it out.

GUY


A child killer comes higher on my list than some… (Guy stops as he hears Hannah scream.)​

The camera follows Harry and Guy as they turn their heads towards the commotion to the left of them. The camera advances towards the accountant and Hannah now holding the left side of her face.

​

 

[Pioline]

The camera follows Harry and Guy as they turn their heads towards the commotion to the left of them. The camera advances towards the accountant and Hannah now holding the left side of her face.

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Now will you take me seriously?!​

​

A couple of officers try to calm him down by reassuring him.

OFFICER1​

Sir, if you just wait we will…​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

**** off kid. Where’s your chief?​

The accountant tries to push the officer out of the way. After he does try to, the officer toughens up. Stands up straight and puts on a tougher face. His eyes tell the audience that he can take the accountant.

​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Want a beating do we little boy?​

The accountant tries to push the officer except nothing comes of it. The officer hardly moves.

The accountant then attempts to slap him but before he lands the slap his hand is caught in mid air. At first you just see the hand stopping it before the camera pulls back and reveals that it is Guy that has caught the hand, before he lets go of it while giving the accountant a stare. Harry puts his hand on the shoulder of the officer. The officer turns slowly, nods and walks away.

ACCOUNTANT​

Yeah. That’s what I thought! Walk away! (He looks towards the officer walking away but the officer does not turn around to acknowledge him.)​

​

ACCOUNTANT (CON’TD)​

Hey! Hey! I’m talking to you!​

​

HARRY​

Hello sir. How may we help?​

​

ACCOUNTANT (Still looking over to the officer)​

OK. Just hope I don’t meet you in a dark alley man! Yeah I’d kick your ass!​

​

HARRY​

Sir?​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

I’m looking for the chief.​

​

HARRY​

He’s unavailable right now, I’m Detective Harry Travis, and this is Detective Guy McConahugh (He points to his right, where Guy is standing). We may be able to help if you tell us the problem.​

​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

I don’t need any amateurs working with me. I want to see the chief. Wasn’t chucking a phone at that ***** enough of a message?​

​

Guy breathes deeply. Harry turns to him.

HARRY​

Why don’t you go check on Hannah?​

​

GUY​

Yeah, I don’t have the patience.​

Guy walks towards Hannah, who is sitting on a chair holding her head.

Harry looks around and sees an empty desk.

HARRY​

Why don’t we have a seat? (He points towards the empty desk and heads over).​

​

They sit down.

ACCOUNTANT​

I’ll take the seat, but I want to see the chief.​

​

HARRY​

I told you that the chief is…​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Look. Go and cash in your RRSP and spend some time with the grandkids ok? ​

Harry looks up as he sighs.

HARRY​

If you just…​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Are you a moron? ​

​

HARRY​

OK.​

Harry gets up and walks over to his desk. He begins looking through a folder.

ACCOUNTANT (O.S.)​

Hey! Can I get some help over here?! ​

​

​

ACCOUNTANT (O.S.)​

Are you all deaf?! I said I want some help! ​

​

An officer walks by Harry’s desk.

OFFICER​

Harry? Can you help that guy?​

Harry looks up in a firm way.

​

OFFICER​

Guy would’ve thrown him out of here by now. Mason and Wilkins are out. The chief isn’t here. And Ant isn’t in yet.​

​

Harry slowly pulls back his chair and walks over to the accountant.

ACCOUNTANT​

Haven’t you died of old age yet?​

Harry puts his face up close to the accountant’s.

HARRY​

Your mummy and daddy might still be wiping your ass but I sure ain’t gonna. If you want my help, you treat me with respect.

The accountant sits back and shuts up.

Harry sits down next to him.

​

HARRY​

So what’s the problem?​

​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

I was scammed.​

​

​

HARRY​

Ok. Was it a con man?​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Yes I think so.​

​

HARRY​

He took everything you had?​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

No. You think I’m stupid?!​

Harry pulls back his chair slowly.

ACCOUNTANT (Just as Harry is pulling back)​

I’m sorry. Ok. I’m an accountant. And one of my clients doesn’t exactly like to lose money.​

​

HARRY​

I’m sure he’ll understand that the police are looking into it and that his money will be returned shortly.​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

He’s not just any client. I HAVE give him the money soon. OK?​

​

HARRY​

Who is this client?​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Mr. Boch.​

​

HARRY​

Calvin Boch?​

​

ACCOUNTANT​

Yes. Mr. Boch.​

Harry sits back and rubs his lips for a second as he thinks.

HARRY​

Guy! Get your ass over here.​

Guy slowly works over.

​

GUY​

I ain’t working with this guy.​

​

HARRY​

He’s Calvin Boch’s accountant. Some con man stole money from him. You join the dots.​

​

GUY​

I’m listening.​

Guy pulls up a chair.

 

[Pioline]

I also need to pay tribute to Jaberwock who wrote some of these scenes.

 

[JLBats]

Excellent title.

 

[Conundrum]

JLBats, he asked for feedback, not some smartass trying to get a few laughs. What's the point of that comment? Did you read the script?

It's pretty good Pioline. Where is it set?

 

[Pioline]

Excellent title.

It's yet to be titled.

 

[Pioline]

JLBats, he asked for feedback, not some smartass trying to get a few laughs. What's the point of that comment? Did you read the script?

It's pretty good Pioline. Where is it set?

I was thinking Chicago but basically could be set in any major American city.

 

[TheJaberwock]

hey pioline are you going to finish piecing all this together? if not, is it ok if i reclaim my parts of the story to do some work with?