Divorcing Parents (Issues)

[Anita18]

So, I was woken up to the wonderful news that my dad was divorcing my mom after damn near 40 years, and it led too my dad more or less telling me I was never his favorite, and that my love was "hollow" because I was not balling my eyes out like he wanted me too. So, with daddy issues right now, I'm a wreak. So here's how we're gonna do this: You guys and gals can talk about the issue of parents divorcing and the effects on the children etc.

Spoiler

Seriously though, I need a hug

Truth is, your dad's an a-hole. No child deserves to hear from their parents. Ever.

(((HUGS)))

Actually he told me to "shut up before I break your effing (not effing if you catch my drift) neck", I don't love him, etc., and now I'm just a bitter, broken young man. I doubt I will get married now, I don't want to be an abusive, sexist, racist, paranoid man like my father. In short, I think I'm done with everything but life.

You won't automatically be like him. If you know what he did wrong, you can fix it in yourself. Acknowledging it is half the battle.

A supportive partner will help you do that too.



I wish parents could just act like damn adults when they get divorced. I have a cousin (related through our mothers) who actually had to cut her mother off because she was being such a crazy beeeyotch in regards to custody. Even my mom admits that it was the father who did all the parenting. They've been fighting over the last 10 years over their youngest child, and the daughter sided with her dad over it and cut her mother off because of psychological abuse. Now I've lost two cousins and a fantastic uncle (seriously, I really miss him, he was super awesome) over this, because our family won't talk to theirs, because by blood, we're supposed to be loyal to her mom. I called BS and keep in touch with my cousin through Facebook. Seriously, eff family ties if they insist on doing stupid ****.

It doesn't have to be that way. My husband's parents got divorced when he was quite young, and his parents were always friends throughout. He gained another father when his mom remarried, and both his dad and stepdad were very important in his development. Everyone even gets together for Thanksgiving. His parents kept him a priority and didn't try to one-up each other. He has no animosity towards the experience at all. I credit all of them for raising my husband to be a trusting, supportive person, because I can easily see how things could have gone south with a divorce.

How old are you? If your parents won't support you emotionally during this time, you need to find someone who will. Even here is better than nothing. You deserve better than being an emotional punching bag in a relationship that's not your own.

 

[Hal_Jordan]

Actually he told me to "shut up before I break your effing (not effing if you catch my drift) neck", I don't love him, etc., and now I'm just a bitter, broken young man. I doubt I will get married now, I don't want to be an abusive, sexist, racist, paranoid man like my father. In short, I think I'm done with everything but life.

When bad things happen to people, it's much easier to lay the blame on anything and everyone else.

This has nothing to do with you. The issues are his and his alone. I hate to say it, but he's pretty irresponsible and has serious problems he should seek professional help with for saying the things he said to you, even if he didn't mean them. Which he most likely didn't. People tend to lash out at and blame others when they are upset or feel like things are out of their control.

If you don't want to be an abusive, sexist, racist, paranoid man like your father, then don't. You don't have to be.

 

[Sundancer]

You are not your father. If your father is a dick then you and your family will be better off without him. This can be a new chapter in your life if you make it that way.

Studies have supported this...vernacular way of putting things.

There's a lot of questions I'd like to ask you Grillz, like how old you are and how close you were to your dad before this, but I want to respect your privacy.

Best I can offer is go to YouTube and look up comedian Christopher Titus' show Norman Rockwell is Bleeding. I can't post a link per it's swearing, but it may help you deal with stuff.

 

[Grillz]

Well, my parents are not getting a divorce as of now, they're going to counseling first. My dad and I had a talk, and long story short, I told him that I would always love him, but right now I don't like him. The worst part is that he's acting like nothing ever happened, and he's obviously trying to win us all back, and my mom is alright, but I'm just... quiet and kind of emo right now.

 

[KevanG]

Well that's good to hear.

Being emo at a time like this is fine. Just don't keep in a funk about it. If you have someone to just talk to about this, now would be a good time to just let it out.

 

[Ant-manic]

So, I was woken up to the wonderful news that my dad was divorcing my mom after damn near 40 years, and it led too my dad more or less telling me I was never his favorite, and that my love was "hollow" because I was not balling my eyes out like he wanted me too. So, with daddy issues right now, I'm a wreak. So here's how we're gonna do this: You guys and gals can talk about the issue of parents divorcing and the effects on the children etc.

Spoiler

Seriously though, I need a hug

i empathize. but it can be freeing, in a sense. i have one of those father's who is incapable of love because of whatever his screwed up parents did to him. he, literally, sees me as an object. and, just like your dad, he gave me the old "you're worthless and never loved me" speech while choking me/knocked a couple of my back teeth out, as well. as others have said, that's all projection. if he's like my dad, he avoids negative feelings by (for lack of a better description) forcing others to feel them.

keep your head up. you've learned a valuable lesson. adults aren't perfect. you've made it to 21 without that jerk having your back. so you no longer have to live up to his image. you write your own story; from here on out.

Well, my parents are not getting a divorce as of now, they're going to counseling first. My dad and I had a talk, and long story short, I told him that I would always love him, but right now I don't like him. The worst part is that he's acting like nothing ever happened, and he's obviously trying to win us all back, and my mom is alright, but I'm just... quiet and kind of emo right now.

i guess there is good and bad, to that. my parents aren't the divorcing kind. they have contempt for one another but are locked in, for life. and a lot of abusive people pretend like bad stuff never happened. it's part of that "inability to tolerate bad emotions" thing i mentioned earlier. you might just have to pretend along. it's what i've been doing. but i'm not exactly well-adjusted; forewarning.