The Battles
Dawn breaks over the frozen tundra the Punkasses will call their battlefield today. They have pooled their resources and stand ready--Loki's mystical psi-shield protects them from telepathic attacks and one of the Avengers' jetpacks designed by Hank Pym adorns Ambrose's back, Dane is atop Strider, and the Skrullian Skymaster is already invisible. The Punkasses' opponents crest an icy hill nearby and the match is on.
Loki ("The Reigning") vs. Beta Ray Bill
Loki meets his foe in combat and, in true Asgardian style, they exchange their obligatory pre-battle trash talk.
"Though your appearance has changed," Bill says, "still will I vanquish you in Thor's name, Loki!"
"Far more than my appearance has changed, alien. I possess all the power of Dr. Strange, Sorcerer Supreme of Midgard, in addition to my own. But you shall find that out in time, as you realize you are no match for me."
"Stolen power," Bill spits, "I should have known. Even if you defeat me, trickster, know that your victory will ring hollow for it was not achieved of your own might!"
"You, false thunderer, would chastise me for stealing power?"
"My power was granted me honorably by the All-Father himself!"
"Aye, and it shall be your foolish honor that proves your greatest foe this day." With that, Loki mystically duplicates himself, each clone possessing a portion of his power. They attack Bill simultaneously, swooping around him on all sides. When Bill absorbs one Loki's mystic blast with Stormbreaker, three more hit him from other directions. He has no hope of countering them all, so he adjusts his strategy. The clouds over Antarctica grow black and lightning shoots forth. As each bolt strikes a Loki doppelganger, it disappears and its power returns to the true Loki, though the pain of its death does not. Loki changes his strategy as well, recalling his duplicates and regaining his full power. Bill fires a blast of mystic energy at Loki, but Loki summons the Shield of the Seraphim to block it.
Finally, Bill makes the move Loki, ever the schemer, was waiting for. He spins Stormbreaker and hurls it at Loki with incredible speed. Loki is ready for it, however: He dodges the hammer and summons the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak to imprison Bill, then Loki dodges the hammer a second time as it returns to its master. His arms pinned at his sides by the unbreakable bands, however, Bill is unable to catch Stormbreaker; Loki has turned its enchantment to return to its wielder into a weapon. Stormbreaker strikes Bill and both hammer and wielder fall from the sky and crash into the icy ground below. Loki lands and takes a moment to gloat. "'Twould seem you spoke too soon earlier. For all your wishes to be of the divine ranks of the Aesir, it seems you are still a mere mortal after all." Loki waves a hand and a dimensional portal opens under Stormbreaker; the mystical weapon falls in. "Your hammer should lay unperturbed in the Crossroads until such time as you can retrieve it. Oh... but wait, it was not thrown when I teleported it, so its return enchantment will do it no good; and, without its master to spin it and create a portal, it cannot pierce the dimensional vale under its own power." Loki's mouth curves into a wicked smile. "It seems the two of you will be separated for some time."
As if on cue, Bill's sixty seconds run out and he returns to his weaker, native Korbinite form. "No!" he howls. The gallant alien struggles against his bonds, but the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak have held against far more than the feeble resistance his Korbinite form can produce. Loki unleashes a blast of several thousand volts of electricity, savoring the irony as mystical lightning knocks the thunder god's only true peer out.
Flash (Walter West) vs. Vartox
Walter speeds towards his opponent but, to his surprise, Vartox manages to dodge. He rounds on Walter and throws a haymaker. Walter tries to drain as much of the kinetic energy from Vartox's punch as he can, but it still slams into his protective aura with almost unprecedented force. Cripes, this guy's as strong as Superman! Walter thinks. He composes himself as he gets back up. But I know how to deal with Superman. Vartox charges at Walter and Walter stands still, waiting. He dodges at the last moment and accelerates the molecules of the ice Vartox lands on. A patch of the ground explodes upwards, showering Walter with snow, and Vartox falls through the resultant hole into the freezing water below.
Vartox bursts out of the ice behind Walter and snarls, "It will take more than mere icewater to stop Vartox, the champion of Tynola!"
"Speaking in the third person, huh? Great, you're one of those." Vartox charges again and the Flash dodges again, but this time Vartox throws his hand out and releases a blast of hyper-energy that knocks Walter flat. Ow! Walter thinks. All right, as strong and fast as Superman, plus energy blasts. Walter gets up and experiences a strange sensation--it feels like something battering against his skull. He looks at Vartox, whose eyes are squinting with determination, and he puts two and two together. "Holy hell, you've got telepathy too? How many powers do you have?!"
"More than enough to finish you!"
"Not with your mind games. I came protected." He taps his head, silently thanking Loki for the psi-shield. "I wonder if you did too, though..." Walter reaches out through the Speed Force and accelerates portions of Vartox's brain, giving him a crushing migraine that not even he can ignore.
"AAAARGH!" Vartox wails. "What... have you done... to my head?!" Before he lets his foe answer, however, he releases another blast of hyper-energy, more powerful than the last. He fires wildly, however, and it tears up the ground beneath Walter's feet, distracting him. "Ha!" Vartox sneers as he quickly comes to his senses without the pain in his head. "Let's see how well you speedsters operate without any ground to run on!"
"Who needs ground when you can run on water?" Walter follows through and zips across the water, his feet touching the surface so quickly that he doesn't break the surface tension.
"Impressive," Vartox comments.
"That's nothing; any speedster can do it. Here's something I can call my very own." Walter throws a punch, pouring kinetic energy onto his arm as it moves. When it strikes Vartox, it is a full-on, physics-bending infinite-mass punch, and the alien hero is sent flying. He recovers and hangs in mid-air. Ok, add flying to the repertoire, Walter mentally notes. Vartox unleashes a volley of energy blasts, but Walter dodges them with ease. Finally, Vartox kicks himself into high gear, ignoring the dangers of the sonic booms his super-speed causes, and charges through the air at Walter. Walter erects a null-inertia field a few feet in front of himself and just waits patiently. Vartox screams through the air at breakneck speed and slams straight into the field; his strength is so great, however, that he bursts through the field and hits Walter anyway--albeit with much less force than he would have. Walter hits the ground and bounces backwards a few feet while Vartox collapses from the shock of crushing his body against what appeared to be nothing. The two opponents slowly rise to their feet and ready themselves for another round, each taking stock of the other and reminding themselves not to be so cocky this time...
Skrullian Skymaster vs. Comet Man
(All right, I was gonna do a full write-up, but I started late and I'm going out of town on a whim, so I'll just do summaries for the rest of the fights.)
- Skymax's first order of business is destroying the psi-amplifier, which removes Comet Man's ability to teleport consciously.
- Skymax and Comet Man fight for a while, Skymax uses his invisibility to elude Comet Man's telekinesis and concussive blasts.
- Skymax possesses the Thing's strength, so he's much stronger than Comet Man. He uses hit-and-run tactics to wear Comet Man down a lot.
- Comet Man tries thought pitching but finds Skymax's mind blocked by Loki's psi-shield.
Black Knight vs. Hawkman
- Dane uses Strider, who can break the sound barrier, to outmaneuver Hawkman and slice his harness off. Hawkman's flight and the majority of his physical enhancements are gone.
- Dane hops off Strider and they fight on the ground. Even though Hawkman is freezing his ass off (the Nth-metal harness protects him from the elements, but without it he's basically a bare-chested man in the middle of Antarctica), Hawkman's prowess with weapons matches Dane's, and Dane realizes they're getting nowhere.
- Dane calls Strider back to give himself an advantage (cavalry vs. infantry) and disarms Hawkman. Strider's powerful hooves trample Hawkman unconscious.
Ambrose Chase vs. Valkyrie
- Ambrose flies around on his jetpack, trying to make Valkyrie dismount. Valkyrie is too fast and blocks all of his bullets with Dragonfang before they reach her.
- Valkyrie manages to damage Ambrose's jetpack, but he manages to take it off and slow his fall so he's not hurt.
- Valkyrie lands and dismounts because the Asgardian honor code demands that she face her opponent on even ground. Ambrose uses his distortion field deftly, but Valkyrie has too much of a physical advantage on him.
- Help arrives for Ambrose, since his time distortion has drawn his battle with Valkyrie out longer than the others'...
Black Knight, Ambrose Chase, and Skrullian Skymaster vs. Valkyrie and Comet Man
- Dane shows up to help Ambrose first, blocking a would-be fatal swordstroke from Dragonfang with his own Sword of Light.
- Skymax and Comet Man's fight comes close enough to the Knight, Ambrose, and Valkyrie that they can help each other out.
- Dane defends against the more powerful Valkyrie, barely fending her off, while Ambrose helps Skymax so that they can use Skymax's strength to counter Valkyrie's.
- With Ambrose to slow Comet Man down and leave him open, Skymax uses his powers in conjunction: he sneaks up on Comet Man with invisibility, pins him with his elongation/shapeshifting, and flames on, burning the crap out of Comet Man.
- Some super-strength punches knock the weakened Comet Man out.
- Skymax and Ambrose return to the Knight just as Valkyrie disarms him and knocks him out. Her warrior skill and physical advantages were too much for him.
- Ambrose distorts gravity around Valkyrie while Skymax uses Dane's sword to disarm her. With Dragonfang out of the way, Skymax constricts around Valkyrie, squeezing the air out of her. He finishes her off with flame-enhanced, super-strong punches while she's dazed.
Flash (Walter West) and Loki ("The Reigning") vs. Vartox
- Having defeated Bill, Loki helps Walter out while the rest of the Punkasses handle Valkyrie and Comet Man.
- Vartox has been turning the tide in his favor slowly, but Walter's been fighting doggedly. Vartox's versatility is simply too great, though.
- Loki comes by and fixes that deficit in power.
- Vartox is powerful, but with an unparalleled speedster and a high-powered mage bearing down on him simultaneously, he doesn't last long.
The Punkasses win. Huzzah!
