I drank heavily for 24 years. At the end of it, I was a round-the-clock binge drinker who had lost everything: health, youth, money, friends. Regardless of what anyone says, an alcoholic drinks because he can't help himself. Those who think that it's simply a choice you're making - whether to raise a glass to your mouth or not - are those who have no experience with the paralyzing, hypnotic hold that drinking has on someone who is genetically predisposed to alcoholism. Advice along the lines of "just choose not to do it" is utterly unhelpful, and frankly it's just a roundabout way for another person to pay himself a compliment. Avoid these people at all cost.
The day I finally quit drinking was like so many others. I had finished vomiting, then had to sit on the toilet to do my business. What was left in the bowl was stool and a great deal of blood. This wasn't the first time that the toilet water was deep red. I laid down on the cold bathroom tile to get some relief from the pain and started to cry. I was a wasted shell, albeit a bloated one, and I wanted to die. I wasn't brave enough to kill myself, but I wanted my life to be over, nonetheless.
As I lay there without any idea as to how on earth I was going to step off this express elevator to Hell, I decided out of the blue to ask God to help me. Now, understand, I had very little religious background and my faith was basically zero at that point. But yet - and I don't know where this came from - I asked God to help me. Truthfully, I had asked Him for help before, but I just hadn't listened. And that's why, for me, I received no guidance and no answer. This time I just remained still, not even realizing I was doing it. In the next second, I heard - very clearly - a voice that said "If you don't stop this, you will die." My eyes popped open and my ragged breathing stopped. I can't describe what it was like, except to state emphatically that this thing I heard in my head was utterly different than my own thoughts. It kept echoing, and I kept turning the phrase over in my head. What if I did die? Isn't that what I wanted? But no, it turned out that it wasn't at all what I wanted to do.
I stood up and wiped my face, still thinking about what had just happened. Little did I know that I had begun, in that very moment, to heal. That was four years ago. In the ensuing days, months and years, I realized that the desire to drink had been completely removed from me. I mean gone. I don't know how it happened, but that experience was proof enough for me that God existed. Never before had organized religion or the Bible convinced me that God was real. In fact, they only confused and polluted everything about Him. Even now I can't define who/what God is. I'm not sure that anyone can. All I can tell you is that I called out, I listened, and He answered.
So, that is my advice to you. I can't convince you to believe, and I wouldn't dream of telling you which religion to subscribe to or what to read. But I'll respectfully make this suggestion: ask God to help you, then listen and pay attention to what happens after that. I can't promise that the answer will be instantaneous, but leave your mind open to things that will happen that are specific and personal to YOU. And then leave room for Him to get in. It worked for me and changed my life. I truly hope it will do the same for you. Best of luck.
