Deathmatch Hype Super Deathmatch Round 2 Nungrillion: Religion Edition. Catholicism vs Jakeism

HYPE SUPER DEATHMATCH ROUND 2,nun,000,000,000,000,000: Catholicism vs Jakeism. Those who like popes vs those who like dope. Those who like steak on everyday but friday vs those who like Jake everyday but Opposite Day. Then they hate me. They hate me while mice eat cats.

Also: Sign up for Jakeism! All you have to do is pay me two dollars per waking breath and I give you a sweet J brooch for the ladies, sweet J cufflinks for the guys. All you have to do is pretend that the universe was perfect, then I ate it, and crapped it out, and now Africa is covered in AIDS and there are 9 pedophiles within a mile of your children's school. But then again, my intestinal juices brought the magic of sodomy to the world, so what's a few thousand 20-pound african corpses. They're the only reason why Africa's soil can produce the vegetation needed to sustain their beautiful animal species--circle of life folks. If AIDS wasn't there, there would be no more rhinoceri, and that's just not a trade I was willing to make.

Remember, it's not a false idol if you believe in it. And make a human sacrifice. COUGHdaughterCOUGH.

 

Ummm what is your guys' collective problem. This is a way sweeter religion than Scientology, or Islam. I even have celebrity members. The voice actor who played Egon in the Ghostbusters cartoon, former NBA player Detlef Schrempf...the list just goes on and on.