If I did the right thing, then why do I feel guilty?

[muertevilla]

This past Xmas I spent with my family back home in good ol' Texas. It was pretty warm so we Bar-B-Qued and had family over. Everyone had a good time, but my brother started drinking pretty early. By the time things were winding down about 11ish he was already pretty buzzed. I had to drive back to Portland the next day so I declinded his offer to go hit up some bars. Everyone leaves and I go to sleep. He wakes me up at about 2:30AM, pi$$ drunk, and asks me, "Are you ready to throw down? You got my back?" Then he starts telling me he got into it at the bar with one of our mutual friends and he wanted to drive to the guys house. I had no idea what was going on, but to keep him from driving, I told him I would drive him there. The place was right around the corner and it turned out to be my friend Dario's house. They have been friends forever and just got into a drunken fight that they weren't going to remember the next day. Everything was settled and I took my brother back home. He stumbled out of my truck and got his keys and went to his truck. He was so drunk he couldn't even open his truck door. I pulled him back and asked him to just go inside. It was already like 3:30AM by this point. He told me, "I'm going to Mexico. If I die, make sure I get a fire fighter's funeral." I told him he was being stupid and to just go inside and sleep it off. This is a border town in Texas so Mexico is right across the river. He wasn't giving up his keys and he wouldn't listen to reason. He got in his truck and swerved off and away.

THE GUILTY PART:
As he drove off I got an ugly feeling in my stomach. Where my brother was heading was this place deep in the city of Acuña, Coahuila MEX know only as "Boyz Town". Basically its 3 strip clubs that also serve as brothels. At 3:30AM, drunk, and with about $400 in his pocket in cash he was going there. I couldn't get the feeling that something bad was about to happen and I didn't do enough to stop him. So I called the police. I described his truck and told them where he was heading. They caught him a few blocks away from the International Bridge and his fire cheif was called and he took my brother home. Being from a small town has it's benefits when it comes to run-ins with the law. My brother didn't get a DWI or anything, but he did get put on a probationary period with his fire chief and is being forced into a 12 step program if he wants to keep working as a fire fighter. When they brought him home he had urinated on himself and was totally trashed. My mom cried. He cried. I just stood there hoping I didn't mess everything up. A large part of me knows I did the right thing.. But I still feel guilty for calling the cops. WHY????????

 

[The Question]

You're looking for psychological counsel on a comic book message board.



Don't.



Talk to a shrink, talk to a priest, hell, talk to a bartender. I don't care. There are better places to go for advice than here, is my point.

 

[muertevilla]

I forgot to mention that my brother is on his second divorce. Both wives leaving him due to his drinking. So it IS a problem.

 

[C. Lee]

You probably saved his life....or someone elses....so don't worry about it.

 

[muertevilla]

You're looking for psychological counsel on a comic book message board.



Don't.



Talk to a shrink, talk to a priest, hell, talk to a bartender. I don't care. There are better places to go for advice than here, is my point.

good point. but ehh, im bored at work and figured this might result in interesting conversation.

 

[Showtime]

You couldn't get keys from your stumbling drunk brother?

 

[muertevilla]

You couldn't get keys from your stumbling drunk brother?

Lame huh? All I can say is I tried, but even drunk... He has always been able to take me.

 

[JLBats]

You couldn't get keys from your stumbling drunk brother?

Showtime cuts right to the emotional heart of the matter.

 

[Showtime]

Lame huh? All I can say is I tried, but even drunk... He has always been able to take me.

Fair enough. I think you made the right call after the fact. You should have probably done more to stop him originally, but since you didn't, you made the right decision in the end. I didn't catch this above, but does he know you did it?

 

[Showtime]

Showtime cuts right to the emotional heart of the matter.

For some reason it was the first thing I thought of. The way he described his brother, it seemed like he was going to pass out at any moment.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I forgot to mention that my brother is on his second divorce. Both wives leaving him due to his drinking. So it IS a problem.

This bit of information is key. You totally did the right thing, hopefully he'll finally start to get the help he obviously needs. If this was a weird one-time occurance I'd say calling the cops was excessive seeing the "punishment" he got. Not that I'm saying drinking and driving is okay, more saying you should've done more to keep him from driving off. However, seeing as his drinking has impacted his personal life in big ways before, he needs an eye opener and just taking his keys away wouldn't have had that effect.

 

[muertevilla]

He doesn't know. I told my mom. She said its best he thinks he got caught instead of me telling him.

 

[Holiday]

You shouldn't feel guilty because you definitely did the right. Your brother needed a wake-up call, hopefully this is it.

 

[Prison Mike]

you did the right thing but it's best not to tell him you were the one that called the police. Ignorance is bliss (for his part).

 

[Showtime]

He doesn't know. I told my mom. She said its best he thinks he got caught instead of me telling him.

you did the right thing but it's best not to tell him you were the one that called the police. Ignorance is bliss (for his part).

Agreed. Keep it to yourself.

 

[Silk Spectre]

worse could have happened if you didn't call the cops. He could have wrecked and killed himself of someone else. In either of those situations you would have felt much more guilt. He could have easily been robbed, murdered, or kidnapped in Mexico.

 

[Logan's Runt]

You're mistaking the pain you're feeling because your brother is an alcoholic and screwing up his life for feeling guilt. You feel bad because there is little you can do until he actually commits to getting himself help, and you feel bad when he makes more mistakes- you worry that you're making things worse- but it's his fault at the root, not yours.

 

[The IronMan]

^^ I agree good luck to your brother hopefully he'll get the help he needs

 

[black_dust]

You did the right thing, would you rather feel guilty you called the cops, or if you did nothing and your brother died

 

[Manic]

The moment I read this thread's title, I thought "it's snitching, isn't it?" Doing the right thing by getting someone you care about in trouble always gives you that feeling. Just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing, and try not to bring it up the next time you see your brother.

 

[Obi-Ron]

You did the right thing, would you rather feel guilty you called the cops, or if you did nothing and your brother died

Or worse, somebody else died.

 

[Majic Walrus]

You didn't do the right thing. You never should've let him leave. You should've stopped him before he got in his truck. Instead you did the wrong thing and tried to "make it right".

You did a good job at making it right though. Next time do the right thing first and you won't feel guilty.

 

[black_dust]

Or worse, somebody else died.

Or he ran over someones dog.... could have been really bad

 

[Addendum]

You should have let him sober up in a Mexican prison

 

[Ace of Knaves]

You did the right thing man. It's always going to be harsh when it comes to grassing up a friend or relative. But you should just look at it as though you probably saved him getting beaten up or worse. By the sounds of how drunk he was then it's inevitable that he would get into another row, and having fights at brothels ain't a good thing. Trust me