Dear Girls, Women, and any human female of the non-fat or *****y nature,
The joke is not funny anymore, okay? Seriously, it's to the point where it's kind of annoying. Like when one of your friends does something embarrassing, and it becomes an inside joke. But after a week of saying it, you're the only one who thinks it's funny, and everyone else just thinks you're an annoying little prick. It's like that.
You see, I've endured the "giant p**sy" treatment for too long. I know I'm not alone. I'm part of a unique group of society that is unfairly neglected. I am a nice guy. I'm moderately attractive, although I am not jaw-droppingly handsome, I'm in fairly good shape, I've got an acceptable sense of humor, I don't get drunk or do drugs, I make a good amount of money, and I'm nice enough to stand by you and care for you no matter what ridiculous scenario you present me with that would lead others to dump you. Because I care, I'm genuine, and I don't want sex. You see, I'm a part of this rather large, underappreciated group called "giant p**sies". We will stand by you no matter what.
The tragedy, however, is that you would not even think of doing the same for us. To you, we are "lke a brother" or "too good of a friend to date". Of course, you're lying. You just want danger and a chance to get in a ****load of trouble so you can complain that no one understands you and your parents are mean and you want to run away from home. And we know you're lying, because of course we are always your backup date when that other ******* cancels. We're the one you call when you're crying because some created a nasty rumor about you. We try to guide you to get the guy you want, and we're always your shoulder to cry on if things shouldn't work out. And yet no matter how well we treat you, and how much of our time we dedicate to you, none of you realize you want one of us until you're around twenty-five or so.
STOP THAT. STOP IT NOW. Don't encourage the *******s. We don't want to rescue you from getting beaten or anything that could be worse, but we always do. So I propose we start skipping the "rescue" step. Stop dating the *******s and go straight to us, okay? Because we all knowi n the end you'll end up with one of us, so you're just causing unecessary pain for you and for us, and you need to stop. I propose that once we reach 10,000 signatures from people claiming to be giant p**sies, all of you women must change your ways.
Good luck to other giant p**sies. Hopefully we get something accomplished. Sincerely,
giant p**sy
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