Jaws: The Hype Beach Massacre

[DOG LIPS]

Ok, this is kind of a fan-fic experiment-type thingie. Much like HZA, this will be a parody of Jaws featuring Hype members. It will be written by these three sexy individuals:

Flexo
Master Bruce
DOG LIPS

Here is the first part by yours truly, the others will add on later. Enjoy!!



HYPE BEACH, SATURDAY MORNING.

A large party was being held up the beach, with many kegs of beer and as much weed as you could handle. Dude and his girlfriend, Babe had walked up the beach away from the others to be alone. Noone noticed they had left.

Dude: "I am sooo baked right now, babe."

Babe: "Me too, Dude. Let's go skinny dipping!!"

Dude: "Are you f***ing crazy?? It's cold like a snowman ******** in that water!"

Babe: "Suit yourself, bastard-face."

Babe jumped up and ran towards the water, peeling off clothes as she went in. Dude watched her loopy ass jiggle, and he decided to join her. He got to his feet and started to take his pants off. Just then his stomach grumbled loudly. It was back. Explosive Diarrhea. He ran off the beach towards the public restrooms, to attack the white thunder-bucket.

Babe got several hundred feet out and looked back to the beach, seeing Dude running away. She laughed at him as loud as she could, in hopes he would hear her.

Babe: "You loser!! Hahahahaha."

Just then she felt something rub against her leg. A huge displacement of water rushed in front of her, knocking her several yards towards open sea. She felt a hard bump against her back and felt a huge object pass by her. She started to cry aloud, hoping someone would hear her.

Babe: "Help me!! There's something in the water!!!"

Just then she was hit as if a truck had hit her head-on, blasting her out of the water several feet into the air, then slamming her back down, pulling her under. The sea went silent, and the water calmed. The darkness crept over the area, and it was impossible for anyone to see this far out. Babe then exploded out of the water with a scream. Blood was everywhere, and her lungs had water in them, so her screames were merely a gurgled mess of noises. She was hit again, but this time she never came up again. After a few seconds a leg floated to the surface, still wearing a badass Nike shoe.

 

[Flexo]

One 24 Hours Later (AKA... SUNDAY MORNING)

Police Chief Dog Lips and Dude walked the beach, looking for any sign of Babe. Dude stumbled like a zombie; possibly from shock, possibly from his clenched diarrhea-filled buttocks, or maybe from a little bit of both.

Police Cheif Dog Lips: "Joey, can I call you Joey?"

Dude: "My name's Dude."

Dog Lips: "Joey, have you ever been on a poop deck before?"

Dude: "No sir, I just moved to the island, and my name's not Joey, it's Dude."

Dog Lips: "Jimmy, you ever seen a grown man naked?"

Dude: "Uhhhh... Hey look! There's Deputy Lee!"

Running and shuffling, they made their way over to Deputy Lee. Lee had just puked out the contents of his last three meals (A twinky, 76 Oreos, and a taco shell.)

Dog Lips: "My God man! McDonald's would be healthier than that!"

Lee was mumbling nonsense, trying to get back on his feet, only to vomit again (This time bringing up a mountain of Doritos.)

Lee: "Potatoes... midgets... choppa... Uwe Boll... look over... (Vomits a river of Mountain Dew) there!"

Dog Lips and Dude both looked at the severed leg of Babe and a badass Nike shoe. Dude vomited on Lee, Lee returned fire. Dog Lips stood steadfast.

Dog Lips: "So, uh, Johhny... have you ever been to a Turkish prison?"

Lee: "........"

Dude: ".........."

Severed Leg: ".........."

Dog Lips: "........... How 'bout them Knicks?"

 

[Batman]

At The Police Department....(1 Hour Later)

Cheif Dog Lips and Deputy Lee walk in,as three or four citizens are arguing in the doorway.Dog approaches them.

Dog Lips:"Hey,Hey,Hey!What the hell is going on here?!


Then,suddenly,Lee vomits up his dessert,which happened to be some fruit roll-ups and some sour cream and onion potato chips.The smell of it is disgusting.Everyone looks at him.

Dog Lips:"....."

Spider-Bat"......."

Stryker".....Ew."

Dog Lips:"...Indeed."

Lee:".....Sorry."

Dog Lips turns back to the citizens.

Dog Lips:"You....Come with me.You.....Go with him."

Spider-Bat is directed towards Lee.Spider-Bat takes a step back,just in case.Dog Lips and Stryker walks into DL's office,where His secratary is sitting.

Dog Lips:"Morning,Webby."

Webmistress_04:"PISS OFF,You f*****g hippie."

Everyone stares in silence.


Stryker:"......"

Dog Lips:"......Soo......How bout' them Yankees?"

Webmistress_04:"Sorry sir.....Ive just been drinking again."

Dog Lips:"I thought I smelled booze."


Thats when everyone notices the booze bottle that Stryker is carrying.Dog Lips looks at him.

Dog Lips:"......."

Stryker:"......."

Stryker:".....What?"

Dog Lips:"Arent you a little.....young to be drinking that?"

Stryker:"Not in Canada."

Dog Lips:"....We're on an island."

Stryker:"....."

Stryker:"......Oh."

Dog Lips shakes his head.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Yum! I love shark meat.

 

[The Last Meatbag]

can I be in it?

 

[DOG LIPS]

5 SECONDS LATER AT THE SAME DAMN PLACE:

DL took a quick seat at his desk and started going through his desk furiously.

Stryker: "So anyway Chief, that bastard Spider-Bat stole my Catwoman DVD, and I want it back!"

Chief DL opened up his desk drawers and shuffled papers around. He then jumped up and checked the shelf behind him.

DL: "Lord knows a man loves a good flogging in his own damn bathtub somedays."

Stryker: ".....Excuse me?"

DL: "What the.... You're still here??? Damnit! Webby, get this ******** some of those 500-page forms to fill out and get him outta my face! And where the hell are the damn "Beach is closed." signs???"

Webmistress_04: "Up your ass, sir."

DL quickly stuck his hand in the back of his pants and moved it around as everyone watched.

DL: "You freakin' liar."

DL pushed Stryker over to Lee and grabbed his handcuffs.

DL: "Give both of these guys a cavity search, then lock them up for the weekend. Then get the council together for an emergancy meeting."

Lee: "Yes, sir."

Spider-Bat: "What??? On what charge??"

DL: "CINO, b***h."

 

[bored]

delightful.

 

[The Spider-Bat]

I Hate Cino!!!!!!

 

[The Last Meatbag]

I love boobies

 

[The Spider-Bat]

I love boobies

Who doesn't?

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Lmfao!

 

[The Lumberjack]

Was there a sign-up thread I missed? If not I'd love to be in this.

 

[Flexo]

Was there a sign-up thread I missed? If not I'd love to be in this.

There wasn't a sign up thread, we all just pick random people and friends. (And, of course, most of the folks that want in.) Unfortunatly, all of us have developed writers block. Prepare for a short hiatus.

 

[The Lumberjack]

There wasn't a sign up thread, we all just pick random people and friends. (And, of course, most of the folks that want in.) Unfortunatly, all of us have developed writers block. Prepare for a short hiatus.

Should I whack you w/ an oar?

 

[Mr. Thing]

I want in it, please.

 

[Abaddon]

I'd ask to be in it,but you'd just kill me off.

 

[Flexo]

I'd ask to be in it,but you'd just kill me off.

Just like you killed me off in Flamer? Revenge is sweet, mofo.

 

[Abaddon]

Just like you killed me off in Flamer? Revenge is sweet, mofo.

I didn't know you read. :0








Besides,you were just shot.It doesnt necessarily mean youre dead.

 

[Flexo]

In the Middle of Main Street, 600 seconds later...



DL: "Lee, where in the Neverland Ranch are my 'Beach Closed' signs!?

Lee: "I tried to make some signs, but some psycho salesman broke my pencil."

Lumberjack: "What Lee's trying to say is that our new 'Closed Beach' signs are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Let's say you're driving along the shore with your family..."

Lumberjack picks up a model boat.

Lumberjack: "You're driving along... La-de-da, woo... Suddenly there's a fin sticking above the surface next to our sign. EEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Now let's see what happens when you're swimming with the "other guy's" sign. You're driving along... You're driving along. The kids are yelling from the back seat, "I wanna go live with mommy, Daddy!" "Not now, dammit!" There's a shark fin. EEEE! I CAN'T STOP! AAAH!"

Lumberjack grabs a toy shark and smashes the boat with it.

Lumberjack: "There's a leak! AAAAH! And your family's screaming, "Oh my God, we're all gonna drown! I can't feel my legs, the shark ate my legs! Here comes the cost guard. Weeeoooo weeooo. And the medic gets out and says, "Oh my God!" The new guy's around the corner puking his guts out. Your family's limbs are floating out to sea. All because, you wanted to save a few pennies and make your own signs. Now, to me, that doesn't make sense.

Dog Lips simply stared at Lumberjack, his jaw slightly slack.

Lumberjack: "...... How 'bout them Yankees?"

After buying a new pencil, sharpening it, stabbing Lumberjack in the face with it, buying a new pencil, sharpening it, and making the signs, Dog Lips was finally ready to close the beaches.

Mayor Dew: "You can't close the beaches!"

DL: "Why not, it'll save lives!"

Dew: "It will anger Tony Danza and his syncronized swimming league! Also, something or other about tourism and summer money..."

DL: "Look it, there's orphans in the water. Orphans with diseases. I can't let them be shark food, they'd make grade-A Hot Pocket meat!"

Dew: I don't care! You can't close the beaches, you can't tell people it might have been a shark. You yell, "Shark!" and everyone runs out of the water and moves to Nebraska. You yell, "Carcharodon carcharias" and everyone stands around, hoping they can remember the word until they go home and look it up on Google."

DL: "How do you spell that? C a r c... what now?"


Since he couldn't close the beaches or tell every random person he saw "SHARK OF DOOM! DOOM!" Dog Lips was forced to go home, sit on the couch, and watch the first season of Third Rock From the Sun. A complete and utter waste of a day.

 

[Mr. Thing]

May I be in it, pleeease.

 

[Flexo]

I didn't know you read. :0








Besides,you were just shot.It doesnt necessarily mean youre dead.

I was just messing with you. (And if I remember correctly, it said he took Flexo out. I'm assuming that was a mortal wound.)

 

[The Lumberjack]

Ha! I'm always a twisted freak in these stories.

 

[bored]

hey, somebody's gotta fill the role.

 

[GammaMike]

Lumberjack got his lines from Tommy Boy!

 

[Abaddon]

I was just messing with you. (And if I remember correctly, it said he took Flexo out. I'm assuming that was a mortal wound.)

Curse your memory.








But never fear,just like the buffyverse,nobody stays dead.