The Dark Knight Joker's Sick Jokes

[StorminNorman]

Actually those are all fairly intelligent, normally funny, Joker Jokes - which is very very respectable given the other...jokes that were listed earlier. I tip my feathered hat to you.

 

[StorminNorman]

If the Joker from Arkham Asylum had was in more comics - I think he would sound like Mulligan Stew's Joker.

 

[MJZ]

I love the "tight ass" scene from AA...

 

[MulligaN Stew]

Spoiler

*The Joker has taken a woman hostage to prevent his capture*
Batman: Do you ever ask yourself 'Why'? Why do this?

Joker: Why?! Ha, why not?!

Batman: Eventually, it will end, so, for what reason?

Joker: Reasons?! Reasons complicate life Batman. You know this. Why else would a man appoint himself as our noble protector? Ohhh, I'm this, I'm that, and occasionally a different horse altogether. There are many sides to me and yet, you keep asking for a reason or a sign?

Batman: No person is beyond redemption.

Joker: Death is redemption!!! *simultaneously kills the hostage*

*laughs as he is fleeing and says*

Joker: Ying and Yang Batman!!! Ying and Yang. Another one bites the dust and while I sleep, you'll be haunted by the memory of a person who I can't even remember!!! Ha, ha, don't feel to bad. . . The shrink's at Arkham are very helpful or so I've heard. . .hahahahaha!!!

If the Joker from Arkham Asylum had was in more comics - I think he would sound like Mulligan Stew's Joker.

Thanks, but if the Joker could give his opinion, I'm sure that he would make my neck smile for giving mine.

I know that a lot of people want him to rob, and I'd enjoy seeing a singular kleptomaniac as the Joker, but I half-heartedly want to see a dark, brooding amalgamation of a creature who will impulsively do as he pleases. Thievery, murder, and the unique way to commit those crimes would touch on the ubiquitous hubris that every incarnation of the Joker is known for. The IGN article touched on that, and it was a good piece.

Spoiler

Joker: So, the backstabbing, tightwads at IGN want to do an article about the Clown Prince, and they don't consult poor little old me? Ha, ha, ha, we'll see about that!!!
*travels to Gotham IGN corporate HQ*

Joker: *walks in building*
Security Guard: Do you have an appointment?
Joker: No, but you do! *sprays flower* Oopsy!!! Looks like you won't make it!!! Hahaha!!!

*strolls to a cubicle-filled 3rd floor and spots one lone employee*

Joker: Hey, you boy!!! Come here and learn somethin'!

IGN intern: Who me? Uh. . . yes. .yessi

Joker: That's the spirit you brown-noser. Tell me what I want to hear. . .I'm sure you'll go far. . .heh, ahem, anyway, what do you do when your boss mistreats you?

IGN intern: *creaky voice* Well, I usually put extra sugar . . in his coffee. . .and-

Joker: Ooh, dangerous boy. . . you depressing. . .

IGN intern: But he's diabetic. . .

Joker: Don't interrupt me YOU. . .wait a minute. Ha, ha, diabetic!!! There might be hope for you after all sport. Amusement is a start and we wouldn't want a several hundred dollar bullet to go to waste on someone such as yourself. Interrupt me again and I'll show mercy by giving you the whole clip!!! Understand?!

IGN intern: *nervous* Lucidly.

Joker: Excellent!!! On to business. . .why wouldn't IGN come to me for news about me?!

IGN intern: Uh, you're a convicted criminal. We're journalists. People say that we're stupid, but nobody says that we're brave.

Joker: Ha. . .ha. . leave the jokes to me nephew. That bullet is tempting me again. Anyways, I've left a smile for your corporate heads to see, and let them know that I'll leave many more if they don't list me as a consultant on 'ALL THINGS ME'!!!

IGN intern: They won't listen to me. . . and we pay consultants. I don't think they'll pay you.

Joker: Are interns paid to think? Ha, ha, it's your funniest joke yet, my boy!!!

IGN intern: You sound like my boss.

Joker: You sound like my dead nephew. A pity really. He never got it.

IGN intern: Uh, you sound like a man who's willing to make a deal. . . .

Joker: Now you're learning Jr.

*IGN exec walks onto the floor*

IGN exec: Johnson!! Who are you talking to? Why aren't you working? Do something before I do you a favor and relieve you of a job?

Joker: Ewww, how such a little man can demand such great respect is beyond me. Now, let's talk about what I want!!!

IGN exec: Who the hell are you?!

Joker: I'm life and death. Think very carefully before you answer the next question. How much will you compensate me with for ignoring ME and my input on. . .ME?!?!?!

IGN exec: Take that make-up off and get out of here you hippie, Judas Priest fan!!! Take your devil music. . . no, don't glare at me. . .you're one of Johnson's relatives aren't you?! Johnson, you're fired!!! I'm calling. . .

Joker: They never learn. . . .Johnson, don't say that family never did anything for you. . .

*long story short; an IGN exec is MIA, the Joker received a deposit in an offshore account which some perceive as the company's way of bribing him, and Johnson now has a desk, an office with a window, and his very own secretary - but Johnson's severe paranoia influences him to retrieve his own coffee*

IGN's magazine shipped a record number of copies during the 3rd quarter of their annual business and this was largely due in part to the unprecedented move of allowing the Joker to pen his own article. You guessed it; it was about none other than himself. Unfortunately, his presumptuous need for boastfully flaunting led to his capture(by a certain unfavorably highlighted Dark Knight), indictment, and conviction for the double-homicide at IGN HQ. Ironically, the Joker still has a subscription to IGN's publication.
*dramatization*

*No IGN employees, IGN properties, or IGN subsidiaries were harmed in the making of this sad attempt at making you . . . smile*

 

[StorminNorman]

MulligaN, I wish you would post in other threads. Your writing is brilliant.

 

[darknight7]

His stuff is so good, that it shames me to even try to come up with something descent.

--dk7

 

[darknight7]

Spoiler

Joker: Nock, Nock...

Hostage: Wh..whoo's, ...there?

Joker: Interupting bang...

Hostage: Inter... *BANG* - (Joker pulls the trigger and blows someones brains out)

Joker: My, that was tasteless...he, he

--dk7

 

[Crooklyn]

^^ Haha, that'd be viciously awesome.

 

[MulligaN Stew]

Spoiler

Joker: Nock, Nock...

Hostage: Wh..whoo's, ...there?

Joker: Interupting bang...

Hostage: Inter... *BANG* - (Joker pulls the trigger and blows someones brains out)

Joker: My, that was tasteless...he, he

--dk7

You're too kind. Your joke was good imho.

edit:

MulligaN, I wish you would post in other threads.

Sorry friend. The Batman/Misc Films threads are my personal Bat cave for right now.

Your writing is brilliant.

Thank you, although it's more along the lines of noteworthy, yet lacking in substance.

 

[MulligaN Stew]

Spoiler

*Joker speaks with Batman for the 1st time*
Joker: Well if it isn't Gotham's self-appointed Dark Knight. To whom or what do I owe the pleasure of you gracing me with your presence? Come forth, tell me; I'll be sure to return the favor.

Batman: Your delusional episodes have caught the attention of many people.

Joker: Well, you know they say that Gotham night life is literally to die for. *menacing chuckle*

Batman: Testing that theory?

Joker: Among others. Gotham hates you because you're no different from me really. We like too much privacy, and the safe, warm, upper-class residents of Gotham twinge at the thought of mystery.

Batman: People like you created me.

Joker: People love to see a hero fall and your funeral will be no exception. You don't seem like the type who easily makes friends. . .*smirks*. . . tell me. . . *chuckles*. . . what do they say at the eulogy of a loner?
*outright, insolent laughter*
What will I say at yours?!?!?!

*Silence from Batman*

Joker: Why waste jokes on an empty room? *more laughter*

 

[titan101]

edit

 

[NyteWing]

Ugh, I am so sick of people dropping names like Buffalo Bill, Hannibal Lecter, and "Saw" as ideas for how the Joker should be.

Dude, HE'S A FRIGGIN CLOWN!!! Hence his name. I'm not saying the deadly joybuzzer, and acid-spraying flower are essential (though I'd love to see them again) but there's a reason he's called the Joker. Because, as I stated above... he's a friggin clown.

Wow man, chillax. So you want a clown? You want him to throw pies? Or blow up balloons? Or get out of a really small car? Because that's what clowns do. And it's impossible to have any sense of fear/dread from that. This is Bats' arch-nemesis, you need a healthy respect for him. And a straight up clown, like the Joker from the campy TV show in the 60s, impresses no one. Friggin' clown.

 

[Crooklyn]

I don't see why he can't be evil, and act "clown-ish" at the same time..

 

[MulligaN Stew]

He can do that. In a film like 'TDK', the Joker's philosophy will probably highlight more of an elitist-hubris, so he may give jokes more for his own pleasure than for the prestige of it. Perhaps a run-in or experience with Batman transforms his intention towards that of a vicious rival.

The more I envision Heath as the character, the more I think about a truly sick **** who just doesn't care about what his actions are or how they'll affect someone else. He's completely free because his rebelliousness allows him to shun responsibility. His kind of games or fun shouldn't make the audience chuckle or invite them towards him as a character; it should give you an intense hatred for the character. . . hopefully the same kind of hatred that Wayne must cope with as he struggles w/ internal issues, the commitment to Gotham, and a co. in jeopardy.

That's the angle I see in TDK. Maybe I'm blind.

 

[IAmTheKnight]

I was watching Mask of the Phantasm last night, and I really think that they really had a good thing going there. Obviously B:TAS was perfect, but I really think something along the lines of MOTP could really be great. The Joker's scenes with Valestra really highlighted this. On the lighter end, you have the stuff like "DON'T TOUCH ME, OLD MAN!! I don't know where you've been!" It sort of lulls him into a false sense of security, and then the "Nice big smile" line, leading into Joker's lines when he sees the Phantasm through the camera: "Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head..." That right there is a great example of his darker jokes. I don't think it has to be gross-out. It could potentially be grimmer, but it doesn't really need to be, and definitely not much.

That's the real trick of nailing the Joker: balancing the clown and the killer.

 

[NyteWing]

I was watching Mask of the Phantasm last night, and I really think that they really had a good thing going there. Obviously B:TAS was perfect, but I really think something along the lines of MOTP could really be great. The Joker's scenes with Valestra really highlighted this. On the lighter end, you have the stuff like "DON'T TOUCH ME, OLD MAN!! I don't know where you've been!" It sort of lulls him into a false sense of security, and then the "Nice big smile" line, leading into Joker's lines when he sees the Phantasm through the camera: "Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head..." That right there is a great example of his darker jokes. I don't think it has to be gross-out. It could potentially be grimmer, but it doesn't really need to be, and definitely not much.

That's the real trick of nailing the Joker: balancing the clown and the killer.

I agree with most of your words. Hamill has done an unprecedented job with the voice acting. There is a risk though. I love TAS, but some of those episodes were a little hokey. It's such a fine line, I'm not sure anyone can tread it.

 

[titan101]

bump ... because it deserved it.

 

[The Last Meatbag]

Rape a girl while singing "Singing in the Rain"


or shooting people


or something violent and disgustingly brutal

 

[Crooklyn]

Raping...a girl?....in the rain?....singing?

 

[The Last Meatbag]

Ever seen, "Clockwork Orange"?

 

[Crooklyn]

Si..

 

[The Last Meatbag]

The part where his buds are raping the girl while he sings "Singing in the Rain'?


I dunno, I'd just like it if a lot of his twisted jokes would stem from pop culture..

Puts a gun in some guys mouth, blows his head off and screams "HEY MIKIE!! HE LIKES IT!!!!! HE HA HAAAA"
Or maybe I'm a total idiot


just sounds better than a lot of these, "dead baby" jokes

 

[Moviefan2k4]

Joker: Nock, Nock...

Hostage: Wh..whoo's, ...there?

Joker: Interupting bang...

Hostage: Inter... *BANG* - (Joker pulls the trigger and blows someones brains out)

Joker: My, that was tasteless...

Okay, now that was the fine balance of humor and sickness that the Joker was known for.

Rape a girl while singing "Singing in the Rain"

Thing like that shouldn't be in any film, and I honestly don't think that Nolan would push the boundaries that far. This is likely a PG-13 film, remember?

 

[The Geek Vault]

I just love the idea of Joker telling some sick morbid Jokes to tease Batman (of course J will be the only one laughing)
So IF the script isnt complete yet and if someone of WB is lurking on here we might have a chance to influence something.

A little problem I have is that I dont want to violate board rules. Sick Jokes acctually dont fit with board rules at all so Im gonna start soft, put the Joke in spoiler tags, warn everyone who is easily annoyed by sick jokes and ask the mods to shut down if the thread shouldn't exist.

that said I start:

Spoiler

J: Tell me Bats, what is worse than 10 babies in a garbage can?
B: (nearly unconscious) ...
J: (enthusiastic,grinning) 1 baby in 10 garbage cans...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What do you think could it work or would it be too bad for the audience? Would you like to see this kind of Joker in an R-rated flick?

propose and discuss.

I would change the babies to bats

 

[Crooklyn]

The part where his buds are raping the girl while he sings "Singing in the Rain'?


I dunno, I'd just like it if a lot of his twisted jokes would stem from pop culture..

Puts a gun in some guys mouth, blows his head off and screams "HEY MIKIE!! HE LIKES IT!!!!! HE HA HAAAA"
Or maybe I'm a total idiot


just sounds better than a lot of these, "dead baby" jokes

I know where ya gettin' at, but that type of scene wouldn't likely make it to a PG-13 version. If Nolan wants to shoot it, and save it for an uncut DVD, heeeyyy....by all means.