Letters From The Professor (Volume II)

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by The Professor, Feb 25, 2008.

  1. The Professor Registered

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    It's me again.

    Want to hear a funny story? Yesterday I was shaving and I stared in the mirror for about five minutes before I realized that I was looking at myself. Somehow behind all the emotional scars and years of pain I was able to find my essence. Upon realizing that this abomination of a reflection was me, I vomited immediately and burst into tears. The girls attempted to check in on me, but I merely told them it was a side effect of long termed exposure to Chemical X. They bought it.

    I met a girl today. We hit it off outside of the gas station, she told me about her dreams to be a singer and move to New York. She had a nice little hardbody and seemed truly interested in my work. Then she asked me to buy her cigarettes. She was 15. Why I didn't end it all then and there, I do not know. And you know what the worst part is? I bought them for her. I mean, I even paid for them! Jesus! I realize how pathetic I am.

    I called up the girls' teacher, Miss Keen, to try to score a date. You know what she said. "Oh, Professor. I just don't know. I just don't know." By this time I'd already had a few drinks and was hitting the Jack pretty hard. "Listen, you harlot. You listen to me, ok? You listen good. I need this, alright? I need you in my life. I won't hurt you. This will be nothing like last time." She hung up. I'll call her later. Dear God, I hope she comes around. I know she might not be the hottest little number, but trust me, she has what the Professor needs.

    I thought about ingesting some Chemical X tonight as well. I was curious to what it would do to me...Would I get superpowers? Skin rash? Would I become a leper? Instant death, perhaps? I would have opted for instant death. I also considered mixing it in my Long Island Ice Tea...But in the end I just stared at the cauldron of the stuff and wondered how long it would take me before I decided to drown myself in it's mystery.

    No matter how I do it, I have to make it look like an accident. I'm a scientist, for crying out loud. I'd be too easy to make it look like an accident. I couldn't put the girls through it, though. Even if they would be better off without me...even though the entire world would be better off without me, I know that I lack the courage and fortitude to ever bring physical harm to myself or others. Emotional harm is another story.

    Until next time,
    The Professor
     
  2. The-Dark-Knight Registered

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    What the deuce?

    Who are you?

    And when's this funny story?
     
  3. StorminNorman Registered

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  4. jaguarr Be Your Own Hero

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    So...did you buy the 15 year old cigarettes? :huh:

    jag
     
  5. Captain Planet! The Power Is Yours

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    I liked Powerpuff Girls... 10 years ago.
     
  6. The Professor Registered

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    You and the rest of the town...they haven't aged a bit.
     
  7. knowsbleed Registered

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    This is a big step down from Volume I. I am really disappointed in this entry. Please don't let it happen again.
     

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