Man Shoves Ice Cream Down His Pants

[Manic]

Fort Pierce, Fla. (AP) --

What would you do for a Klondike bar? Authorities said a man shoved an ice cream bar down his pants and then offered a Texaco station store owner $69 not to turn him in for shoplifting. The owner told police that a 65-year-old man tried to sneak the Klondike bar, along with packages of Ramen noodles and Famous Amos cookies, out of the store without paying Tuesday night.

When the store owner confronted the man as he tried the leave the store, the owner reported that the man pulled the flattened ice cream snack out of his back pocket and offered the owner $69 for it.

The owner called police, and the man was charged with retail theft and violation of probation charges. He was being held on $500 bail.

Source: SF Gate



I have some thoughts:

1. It couldn't have been more than $10 worth of crap in his pockets. $69? Really?

2. Why the hell did the store owner turn him in? For $69, I would've let the man "steal" a few other things from my shop.

3. Senility is sad.

 

[Knives122]

Crazy old people, trying to get away with stuff just because he's old.

He should get the death penalty.

But seriously, this is ******edly stupid, the man was probably caught just because he was old, if he was 30 he would've gotten away with it.

 

[terry78]

I was going to wonder how that ice cream affected his pole and tackle, his one-eyed monster, his kibbles and bits, but...seeing his age, I doubt that would be a major concern.

 

[Addendum]

Guess that's what some of the older politicians would do if they weren't in office

 

[Majic Walrus]

Why didn't the clerk take the $69?

 

[Logan's Lady]

$69 is a lot of money for a few items...

I agree the store owner should have taken the money.

AND he should have turned the guy in.

 

[Majic Walrus]

$69 is a lot of money for a few items...

I agree the store owner should have taken the money.

AND he should have turned the guy in.

Exactly!

 

[Logan's Lady]

I think that ice cream bar got the guy excited (which is why he offered $69 instead of another odd random number).

I'm sure $1o would have easily covered a Klondike, Ramen, and some Famous Amos cookies

 

[Ring Deacon]

The owner should have just taken the $69 and paid for the items which couldn't have cost more then $10 maybe $15 and pokected the change.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Maybe he was actually trying to do something about an unwanted erection.

 

[Eggyman]

Maybe he was actually trying to do something about an unwanted erection.

He had it in his back pocket. It must've been an unwanted erection belonging to someone else.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

He had it in his back pocket. It must've been an unwanted erection belonging to someone else.

Well, you see, that's the beauty of it all. The Ice Cream bar theft was the distraction.

 

[Majic Walrus]

He had it in his back pocket. It must've been an unwanted erection belonging to someone else.

 

[Star]

What the hell? Why would the cops bother even coming

"Theres a man with an ice cream bar down his pants trying to pay for it! Not only that but he's offering me MORE money then it's worth!"

 

[terry78]

I guess this beats the story of the woman who stashed a bag of Funyuns in her uterus.

 

[SLVRSR4]

I guess this beats the story of the woman who stashed a bag of Funyuns in her uterus.

When did that happen?

 

[Addendum]

Silly woman. You gotta use vinegar or lemon juice to get rid of the fishy smell

 

[Cunning Stunts]

It was probably Johnny Knoxville.

 

[Shemtov]

Maybe he was actually trying to do something about an unwanted erection.

You beat me to it!
but seriosly, h was trying to PAY for the merchandise. even though he attempted to steal in the first place, he should not have been arrested.

 

[R_3]

lol...WHile I was reading I thought it was going to say " Authorities said a man shoved an ice cream bar down his pants and then offered a Texaco station store owner $69 to lick it off".