Me and Her: we hit a snag and now nothing

[Erzengel]

Missing the point? There's no real right or wrong or a handbook for this stuff. Everybody is going to go about it a different way when it comes to emotions and relationships. It's what makes us human.

Actually Binker did handle it the wrong way by consistently trying to get in touch with her. He should have stepped at most 3 times in contacting her with no response.

 

[Warhammer]

I would have accepted two no responses at most. The first one already makes your stomach sink. The second one crushes your soul.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Man... people on the Hype will argue about anything. Even a complete stranger's (non) sex life.

 

[TheBat812]

Is Binker braincrushing us here? His lack of any response seems to indicate that.

 

[Erzengel]

Guessing none of our responses agree with his thought processes.

 

[kane9321]

Just hope to god he didnt do anything dumb.

 

[Teelie]

He's been on today, about 2 hours ago.

 

[dodong27]

I feel bad for the guy. Because I also went through this and it didn't end up well. I literally moved to the other end of the state just to get her off my mind and my system.

So I hope Binker is taking notes to what everyone else has said... Good luck dude!

 

[bullets]

Is Binker braincrushing us here? His lack of any response seems to indicate that.

Hopefully he's decided to move past it. Unfortunately a lot of the time people are fishing for that one person to give the response they want to hear, but it doesn't work out that way.

 

[dodong27]

Hopefully he's decided to move past it. Unfortunately a lot of the time people are fishing for that one person to give the response they want to hear, but it doesn't work out that way.

^True!

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Just hope to god he didnt do anything dumb.

Lol sorry, but you sound like my mom always fearing the worst case scenario. If someone's out of the house and she hears an ambulance she automatically thinks it's for one of us. I'm sure the dude is fine. Most, if not all, of us have gone through the trials and tribulations of adolescent heartbreak.

 

[dodong27]

Lol sorry, but you sound like my mom always fearing the worst case scenario. If someone's out of the house and she hears an ambulance she automatically thinks it's for one of us. I'm sure the dude is fine. Most, if not all, of us have gone through the trials and tribulations of adolescent heartbreak.

But there are those situations where we don't often hear about... heartbreaks turn to tragedies.

 

[Piper Maru]

Maybe Binker should mention that he has electric heat.

 

[DarkSovereignty]

Apparently that's a dealbreaker with some girls.

 

[TheDreamMaster]

Maybe Binker should mention that he has electric heat.

Or invite her to climb K2.

In all seriousness, I think Binker needs to leave her alone. From the sounds of things, he wasn't confident enough to make his own move, and then obsessed over a lunch date. I understand if you want the friendship back, but I don't think it is salvagable at this point.

 

[Anita18]

As a woman, I have to say STAHP AND WALK AWAY.

That is all. You can't make a girl reply to your texts or answer her phone. Her silence is enough. You had lunch once, she doesn't owe you a breakup meeting or even an email.

 

[jaymes_e06]

I had the same issue with a girl before. We had some clear sexual chemistry but at the time she was trying to get with another guy. I was also into someone else too so my indifference only helped to make our relationship seem strained because neither one of us really wanted to commit to each other. Well I eventually started believing because we talked every day that and the other relationship wasn't working out that we could get together. Well then she got with the other guy and completely stopped dealing with me at all. This summer I finally got a Facebook (I know welcome to the 2000s) and she accepted a friend request from me. I saw she had moved on with the guy and they were pretty serious. I wasn't mad and was happy she had moved on. Then she suddenly blocks me from Facebook. I just remember wondering why she even accepted me as a friend at all. But she is the hottest girl I've ever talked to and I wish we could be friend again though that seems unlikely.

 

[Alex_Spider]

Take your dignity and walk away.

This might sound harsh but if she stopped talking to you and you made efforts to message, text, call her and she isn't responding? Then there's not much you can do. And calling her sister? Dude, that comes off as desperate to the point of stalkerish.

You pressing her to contact you, comes off as sad and needy.

^ Erzengel said it perfect. Ugh, girls do that all the time . Disappearing for no reason and ignoring you like you never met them before. Harsh I know but it is the truth. It has happened many times to me too but now I've learned. I just don't care for the outcome anymore. Forget about her already and move on to the next with a positive mind.

 

[KevanG]

In my experience I'll attempt to contact her 2-3 times in the first week by various means, phone, email and Facebook. Maybe ask a a friend of hers if I know any. If there's no response from all three attempts, I just send a last message over whatever is used most frequently asking if it's over. If there's still no response then I assume it's over by the end of week 2.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

In my experience I'll attempt to contact her 2-3 times in the first week by various means, phone, email and Facebook. Maybe ask a a friend of hers if I know any. If there's no response from all three attempts, I just send a last message over whatever is used most frequently asking if it's over. If there's still no response then I assume it's over by the end of week 2.

I'd say even two attempts at contact is pushing it (if she doesn't reply to the first attempt, she's obviously not very enthused). Three attempts is definitely a no-no.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I will add this though; the silent treatment isn't cool and it's much worse than just letting someone down gently because a clear 'no' answer is better than being ignored like you're nothing. I don't respect people who lack the guts to let others know where they stand. And I don't think it's excusable, unless the person attempting contact is clearly deranged or already in a relationship. I think most of us have experienced at least once what the OP described and it's definitely not fun.

 

[Alex_Spider]

I'd say even two attempts at contact is pushing it (if she doesn't reply to the first attempt, she's obviously not very enthused). Three attempts is definitely a no-no.

I will add this though; the silent treatment isn't cool and it's much worse than just letting someone down gently because a clear 'no' answer is better than being ignored like you're nothing. I don't respect people who lack the guts to let others know where they stand. And I don't think it's excusable, unless the person attempting contact is clearly deranged or already in a relationship. I think most of us have experienced at least once what the OP described and it's definitely not fun.

Good points. One attempt is enough to know if she is interested or not. But yeah it is better when they are telling in your face how they really feel instead of ignoring you systematically. Hell, I wouldn't mind if she lied to me like pretending that there is another man in her life and story ends there. I can accept that easily and move on calmly.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yes. Closure and/or certainty is important, even if the answer wasn't the one you wanted. I've found that goes for crushes, job interviews, and other situations where I need an answer. I always respect and appreciate an honest response, but cannot respect those who either just ignore or are too self-important to respond.

 

[Erzengel]

It may suck but there are people out there who don't want to outright "hurt" other people by telling you the truth. And honestly I don't think a lot of people would be able to hear something like that and not take it badly.

The easier way for some people is to just stop talking hoping the other person would just "figure it out". I mean it's the kind of the dating game.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

It may suck but there are people out there who don't want to outright "hurt" other people by telling you the truth. And honestly I don't think a lot of people would be able to hear something like that and not take it badly.

The easier way for some people is to just stop talking hoping the other person would just "figure it out". I mean it's the kind of the dating game.

I think "not wanting to hurt someone" is a lie people tell themselves. I think the real reason is much more selfish. They don't want to put themselves in an awkward or uncomfortable situation, so they choose to ignore the advances and the person making them. It's certainly understandable if the person has already been rejected and can't take a hint. Or if the person does messed up stuff, like call in the middle of the night or show up unannounced. But when someone contacts a crush two or three times and doesn't get a response, that's just selfish.