I just need to vent, sorry...

[ihateusernames]

So, me and my girlfriend broke up about, say, 2 months ago?
It wasn't a bad break up, far from it, her reasons for ending it was she didn't have time for a boyfriend. She's at uni and I only really got to go up of a weekend to see her, but she had work, too, so I only spent nights with her.
We remained friends, hell, she is my best friend, and I'm hers. We know each other inside out.

So, I ended up still going up to see her, not as much, but I still went. We started sleeping together and stuff. Basiclly, an unoffical boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now, I'm single. Since we broke up, I'll admit to make myself feel good I've gone on a few dates and such, I know it seems soon, but I've gone though the relationship break up before, and theres no point dwelling on stuff, we're still friends, so it was a little easier to get on with things.

She called me tonight, and was being really... snappy at me?
Then she brought up the thought of kissing someone else, and how it could be a stupid mistake, to which I asked "did you kiss someone?".
After what seemed like a good 10 minute silence, she told me she had, and broke down into tears, saying it felt like she'd cheated on me.

The real reason we broke up was because one night she woke up, and I was holding her hand in my sleep, and when she moved I said "I love you", in my sleep. She started thinking about us, and how she could see us spending the rest of our lives together because she was so happy.

Then she freaked out.
She started worrying about commitment, her age, how everything seemed to be happening so fast but turning out so good.

She told me she wants me back, more than anything.
After this, well, I just want her so much it actually hurts.
I felt like such a dick for not telling her I've kissed other people, but I couldn't. What if I did, and then it was actually "over"?
But then she said she couldn't, because she's not ready, and that if we broke up again for the same reasons, it might not end as well as it did, and we might not end up even being friends.

I'm so confused right now, please someone just... I don't even know. I don't even feel like I can talk to my friends, because I don't think any of them will understand.

Sorry for the essey, I just needed to get it all of my chest.

 

[Matt]

You want some advice? You're in what? High school. You're a kid. So is she. Leaving her alone for awhile. She'll get over it or she won't. Either way, its not the end of the world. You're young, young people tend to feel as though everything is a life or death matter and to quote a great philosopher, Van Wilder...if you treat every issue like a life and death matter...you'll die alot.

Just relax. That is the best advice anyone can give you.

 

[Deep Thinkin'!]

Awww... I'm sorry.

Sounds like you both get along really well.... my suggestion is to just take things easy, no pressure, let her finish up school and what ever she needs to do....

It's best to tell her that you have kissed other people because that may make her feel a little better about kissing some one else... just make sure you tell her it wasn't the same as kissing her. She'll love that.

Girls like honestly... at least most of them. Just take it easy, no need for anything big yet. Only do the big stuff (ex: marriage) when you really think you're both ready.

 

[ihateusernames]

What gave the impression I was in high school, I'm 20.
This was a serious relationship, before and while it was long distance.

I know I'm still young, but come on. Please don't brush this off as a "eh, you'll get over it, Your young, you'll meet someone else next month."

 

[tzarinna]

What a mess.
Good luck.

 

[ihateusernames]

Awww... I'm sorry.

Sounds like you both get along really well.... my suggestion is to just take things easy, no pressure, let her finish up school and what ever she needs to do....

It's best to tell her that you have kissed other people because that may make her feel a little better about kissing some one else... just make sure you tell her it wasn't the same as kissing her. She'll love that.

Girls like honestly... at least most of them. Just take it easy, no need for anything big yet. Only do the big stuff (ex: marriage) when you really think you're both ready.

I know, like hell is marriage on my mind.
I just, I can understand why she'd get freaked out, but if she wants me, and I want her, it confuses the hell out of me that we arnt together.

 

[Lord Doom]

Well I'M young an I DESPERATELY need help with the ladies. right now, ihateusernames is my hero just cuz he can GET a gal-pal.

 

[Matt]

What gave the impression I was in high school, I'm 20.
This was a serious relationship, before and while it was long distance.

I know I'm still young, but come on. Please don't brush this off as a "eh, you'll get over it, Your young, you'll meet someone else next month."

The maturity level of your post is what gave that impression. And I am brushing it off as eh, you'll get over it, you're young. It may mean a lot to you right now, but take it from someone who is older and wiser...it won't down the road. I don't mean to sound like a prick, but that is reality kid.

 

[Matt]

I know, like hell is marriage on my mind.
I just, I can understand why she'd get freaked out, but if she wants me, and I want her, it confuses the hell out of me that we arnt together.

Maybe its because she is smarter than you.

You are 20 years old. You shouldn't be thinking about marriage. You should be young and having fun.

She probably realizes that. Believe it or not, people don't like to have insane ammounts of pressure (such as being 20 and having your boyfriend talk about marriage) put on them.

 

[Deep Thinkin'!]

I know, like hell is marriage on my mind.
I just, I can understand why she'd get freaked out, but if she wants me, and I want her, it confuses the hell out of me that we arnt together.

Women have a tendency to over analyze everything. Such as, if a man says something about calling later and they don't call for a week, they think that's a hint that the man doesn't like them. They think the world is over because they don't call. Women sometimes exaggerate things in their head so much that it's almost as if it has happened....

Give her time, call her, and comfort her about the situation. Tell her that you both just need to just look at the whole picture as to what is going on now.

If you think about it, it is actually very simple. Make sure you give her a straight story and reason so she isn't second guessing herself.

 

[SoulManX]

Love is not easy my young friend...but here is some advice just give her time to search her feeling. Converse with her what you're feeling and how much your care for her. Also let her know you will give her space and time to figure it out. I did with my former g/f and now we are like peas and carrots.

 

[ihateusernames]

The last thing you should do is tell your friends, they'll see it as weakness. It's obvious you've been coming off as weak for her to think she could cheat on you like that.

Dump her, and tell her she is a silly **bag to think she can treat ____(your name like that). This is what I would do, she dosen't respect you. She did it once she'll do it again.

I would pray on it first, then make the call.

But we had broken up, she "felt" like she cheated on me.

Well I'M young an I DESPERATELY need help with the ladies. right now, ihateusernames is my hero just cuz he can GET a gal-pal.

The maturity level of your post is what gave that impression. And I am brushing it off as eh, you'll get over it, you're young. It may mean a lot to you right now, but take it from someone who is older and wiser...it won't down the road. I don't mean to sound like a prick, but that is reality kid.

Look man, I honestly couldn't give a crap how high the maturity level of my post was.
I'm confused, tired, angry, and anoyed at myself... I think it could be safe enough to assume I'm not in the mood to type like I'm writing a letter of application for a job.
I get your older than me, you blatently need glasses or are loosing your memory in your old age, as I clearly did state she was in Uni. thats a big step up from high school over in the UK.
School > College > Uni.

 

[ihateusernames]

Maybe its because she is smarter than you.

You are 20 years old. You shouldn't be thinking about marriage. You should be young and having fun.

She probably realizes that. Believe it or not, people don't like to have insane ammounts of pressure (such as being 20 and having your boyfriend talk about marriage) put on them.

Can you please read my posts properly before quoting me and giving me your opinion?

show me where I have said I want to get married?

 

[Matt]

Why do you come to a site and ask for advice only to get mad when people don't give you the answer you want to hear?

 

[ihateusernames]

Women have a tendency to over analyze everything. Such as, if a man says something about calling later and they don't call for a week, they think that's a hint that the man doesn't like them. They think the world is over because they don't call. Women sometimes exaggerate things in their head so much that it's almost as if it has happened....

Give her time, call her, and comfort her about the situation. Tell her that you both just need to just look at the whole picture as to what is going on now.

If you think about it, it is actually very simple. Make sure you give her a straight story and reason so she isn't second guessing herself.

Yeah.
I know your right, I know your right. I just feel at a loss.
If I distance myself from her, which would be the right thing to do if she was just my girlfriend... It's the fact that she's also my bestfriend.

One could argue that it could be easier because of that, But when you get into a routien of talking on the phone everyday... it seems so hard.

thanks though.

 

[ihateusernames]

Why do you come to a site and ask for advice only to get mad when people don't give you the answer you want to hear?

I'm not getting mad at the advice your giving me.
I'm getting mad because your think your giving me the right advice, yet you haven't even read the problem properly and have things mixed up.
Plus, your being an arse about it.
I know I did ask for advice, but I really just needed to get everything of my chest.

 

[Deep Thinkin'!]

Yeah.
I know your right, I know your right. I just feel at a loss.
If I distance myself from her, which would be the right thing to do if she was just my girlfriend... It's the fact that she's also my bestfriend.

One could argue that it could be easier because of that, But when you get into a routien of talking on the phone everyday... it seems so hard.

thanks though.

No problem....I understand what you're going through.

What you need to do is have one of those sit-down discussions and get everything untangled. Yeah it will be hard and awkward at first, but if this is bugging you both so much, a little awkwardness and difficulty will be worth it to get things solved.

 

[ihateusernames]

No problem....I understand what you're going through.

What you need to do is have one of those sit-down discussions and get everything untangled. Yeah it will be hard and awkward at first, but if this is bugging you both so much, a little awkwardness and difficulty will be worth it to get things solved.

Yeah, she's asked me to go to hers on friday.
See, this is what I don't get. After saying that stuff, we started to make plans, like... dates. We're going the see 300, get something to eat. I'm even staying over again.

I don't know if I should just come home after we've been out. I'm worried what might happen.
Not because I don't want it too, just because of the complications it could cause.

 

[Matt]

I'm not getting mad at the advice your giving me.
I'm getting mad because your think your giving me the right advice, yet you haven't even read the problem properly and have things mixed up.
Plus, your being an arse about it.
I know I did ask for advice, but I really just needed to get everything of my chest.

Fine, you want some real advice, you acted like an ass. The girl broke up with you because she was feeling the pressure of a serious relationship at a college level. Do you give her space to sort out what she wants? No, instead you maintain a sexual relationship. That was mistake one.

Mistake two. You were dating and kissing other girls while still in a sexual relationship with your ex whom you've claimed you've done this temporary break thing with before (doesn't matter if she did it, you're the guy, you're supposed to know better...crazy logic, I know...but its the way it works in this type of stuff).

And then, here's the kicker and mistake three....you make her feel like **** for something you have also done and do not fess up even though it will relieve her greatly. What did you really expect the end results to be other than a strained relationship? If you were smart, you would leave her the hell alone to sort things out. Going up to her place and having sex with her really isn't going to solve anything. It'll probably just make things worse. Leave her alone. If she decides she wants you back, then good for you...if not, you'll get over it. Sorry kid, its the way the world works.

 

[tzarinna]

See a mess...just like I said.

 

[Superman79]

Yeah, she's asked me to go to hers on friday.
See, this is what I don't get. After saying that stuff, we started to make plans, like... dates. We're going the see 300, get something to eat. I'm even staying over again.

I don't know if I should just come home after we've been out. I'm worried what might happen.
Not because I don't want it too, just because of the complications it could cause.

Ok, after checking in a little late here...my two cents:

I have been in a situation similar to yours. The best thing I can recommend would be one of two things 1) Ride it out and just enjoy the time you spend together, but don't be surprised or too devistated if it falls apart. or 2) Spend a good chunk of time apart to sort out your respective feelings.

Niether is a perfect answer, but it's the best you can do given the circumstances. the MOST IMPORTANT THING though, is NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS DO NOT BECOME BITTER!!! I mean it, I got out of a very complex situation years back when I was younger (actually about your age) and it made me a very bitter hateful, unlikeable guy for the better part of two years...two years of possible fun and new friends that I can never get back. So don't go my route. I echo Matt slightly with this, you ARE rather young yet, so play this out but remember whatever happens, you can and will heal and move on.

Best of luck bud.

"God created woman to please the eye and boggle the mind"- Oscar Wilde

 

[ihateusernames]

Fine, you want some real advice, you acted like an ass. The girl broke up with you because she was feeling the pressure of a serious relationship at a college level. Do you give her space to sort out what she wants? No, instead you maintain a sexual relationship. That was mistake one.

I don't think at any point I preassuered her.
In fact, she was the one who would ask me to come up of a weekend, I was quite happy for her to do other things with her friends. But she wanted me there.

Mistake two. You were dating and kissing other girls while still in a sexual relationship with your ex whom you've claimed you've done this temporary break thing with before (doesn't matter if she did it, you're the guy, you're supposed to know better...crazy logic, I know...but its the way it works in this type of stuff).

No, this is the first time we have broken up. we went on a break for a week before we actually finished it
I agree with you on the fact that it was wrong of me to go out and do what I've done, meeting other girls.
But, out of the girls I went out with, only one of them I have actually kissed properly, and it's not an excuse, but we where out at a club, and had been drinking.

And then, here's the kicker and mistake three....you make her feel like **** for something you have also done and do not fess up even though it will relieve her greatly. What did you really expect the end results to be other than a strained relationship? If you were smart, you would leave her the hell alone to sort things out. If she decides she wants you back, then good for you...if not, you'll get over it. Sorry kid, its the way the world works.

At no point when she was telling me did I make her feel like ****.
She told me, and it felt so bad, that I didn't know what to say. It came out of the blue and I wasn't expecting it at all.
After she told me everything, she said that she knows she's wrecked whatever chance we may have had, to which I replyed "don't be stupid, you think this would stop me from being your boyfriend again if I had the chance?

Yeah, I should have told her I've been out with other girls, but I didn't, and I'm paying for that now because I feel like crap, and the feeling of guilt is astounding.

 

[Matt]

Yeah, not reading your response. Try to justify it however you want. You're wrong. The fact that you fail to see that shows that you are in no way ready for a relationship.

 

[TheQuietOne]

Venting is never something you should have to apologize for

 

[ihateusernames]

Ok, after checking in a little late here...my two cents:

I have been in a situation similar to yours. The best thing I can recommend would be one of two things 1) Ride it out and just enjoy the time you spend together, but don't be surprised or too devistated if it falls apart. or 2) Spend a good chunk of time apart to sort out your respective feelings.

Niether is a perfect answer, but it's the best you can do given the circumstances. the MOST IMPORTANT THING though, is NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS DO NOT BECOME BITTER!!! I mean it, I got out of a very complex situation years back when I was younger (actually about your age) and it made me a very bitter hateful, unlikeable guy for the better part of two years...two years of possible fun and new friends that I can never get back. So don't go my route. I echo Matt slightly with this, you ARE rather young yet, so play this out but remember whatever happens, you can and will heal and move on.

Best of luck bud.

"God created woman to please the eye and boggle the mind"- Oscar Wilde

Thanks man, I understand what your saying.
Although he seems to think I'm arguing and dissagreeing with everything he says, I do agree with some points Matts made, too.
I just wish he'd read my posts properly before having a go at me over something.